Jen leads a candid livestream about evening triggers around 4pm, seasonal transitions after daylight savings, and shaping nighttime retreat routines for people who are sober, in recovery, or sober curious.
Jen Varale welcomes viewers to Sober Not Somber Hour, mentions her coffee and recent Norway trip, and sets the scene on a gloomy election day as she prepares to discuss the episode's topic.
Jen explains the significance of the 4 PM hour for people in a 9-to-5 routine, describing how anxious thoughts about unwinding often lead to planning drinking or other activities after work.
She discusses the seasonal transition into darker evenings after daylight savings, how darkness at 5 PM can increase isolation and why it's important to rethink evening routines during this time of year.
Jen suggests one intentional evening activity to counter isolation—like sauna, yoga, or social classes—shares her own schedule changes, and emphasizes finding social connection beyond work Zooms.
She encourages viewers to explore local saunas, asks about their changing evening habits, offers one-on-one chats about sobriety journeys, and signs off until next week.
Hi everyone, welcome in. Jen Varale, sober not somber hour. I today am drinking coffee, my OG favorite original beverage and a beverage of choice. This happens to be my mug that I purchased in Norway. I was traveling for about a month in September and exploring like the sauna culture over there. And it was incredible. I still am revisiting those moments. And yeah, I coming on today just in a space of a gloomy day and it's election day midterms. I'm going to vote right after this. Also, my dog Hopper is here with me and you might hear him.
He likes to chime in and try to get my attention during my sober, not somber hour shares. How's everyone doing? If you're coming into the stream, let me know. What city are you in? Where are you coming from? How's your mood today? I like to come out at 4 o'clock because the whole concept of this is an hour of the day where a lot of us, or at least myself traditionally in the 9 to 5 workplace, would start to get a little anxious about finishing up the day and how I was going to unwind from a stressful day at the office.
And a lot of times in my active addiction, it was where am I going to drink? Like, am I going to go to an actual happy hour with friends? Am I going to go maybe work out first and then find a way to drink in the evening? So it was like this calculated experience and these thoughts that kept coming up around this time of the day. So I like to just talk about the reality of that. And if you are someone who is looking to be sober long term, like in AA or in recovery, or if you're merely sober curious and feel like maybe omitting alcohol or decreasing your intake of it would be a healthy choice, I support that.
So just here today to talk about this time of the year And as we're sort of approaching the holidays, coming into a transitional season right after daylight savings, where I every year, I mean, every year it's tough. I just marvel at the fact that somehow it's dark at 5:00. It doesn't seem fair. So thinking about this time of the year as being especially important to think about what your nighttime routine looks like, because in Minneapolis it's dark at 5. So essentially, if you're up till say 10 PM, you have 5 hours in the evening where it's dark and colder.
And I have found in the past that that can lead to a lot of isolation or loneliness. So I just wanted to prompt everyone, hi Rachel, to be thinking about how might this seasonal transition impact what you do in your evenings. m. m. yoga class. And it's all light and bright and lovely. But in the winter, I've also done that as well. But last winter, I decided to make the shift to get up a little bit later and start work right away because I feel like my most engaged time of the day to actually be productive is in the morning.
And then what I did was shift my evenings to more include sauna and perhaps a more meditative yoga session or like a yin yang yin yoga class. which is different than the usual, you know, vinyasa flow power workout that I would do in the summer. So seasonally things I feel like change and I feel like that's okay. But also taking the time to figure out how you might embrace what you're doing in the evening, especially if it is tempting or concerning for you that you will turn to alcohol more and more because of just the more inward we go.
in the winter. So that is probably my number one tip is to be able to think about 1 intentional thing that you can do in the evening and perhaps, changing your daily schedule to get some socialization in the evening, if that is something that works for you, especially if you work remotely, only talk to your dog in person. Like myself today, I have been heads down working all day in my apartment. And I'm actually looking forward to getting out and doing a more gentle yoga flow tonight. And I know I will talk with people as I arrive in the space and then when I leave.
So to me, having that kind of to look forward to at the end of a little bit more isolated day is really important. And I also encourage people to make the distinction between socializing and it's different to be on work Zoom calls all day because I somehow feel like, I've talked to like, 12 different people today, business related. So shouldn't that be my social outlet? But it's not the same. It's not the same as having a conversation about your personal life or expressing like how you're feeling with another human.
And those things are really valuable. So I would prompt you to be thinking about where are you getting that need met, your human need for connection. And it may not be in the workplace or you may not have thought about it that way. as I've been challenged to think about, like, why do I, connect with people all day long, but it is virtual and it's different in person. So thinking about how you can change, make some transitions into the winter season and maybe create one new routine that helps you be social, stay on your sober journey track if that is what you're working on.
And yeah, I think there's a lot of things you can do seasonally around that. Rachel says just moved this weekend, hoping to find ways to connect with new people. Oh my gosh, Rachel, where did you move to? Because well, if you didn't move internationally, you know, around the country and in the US, there's obviously many different cultures to sort of figure out how to fit into as a newcomer. And Minnesotans, for all their niceness, could be really challenging to meet new people. Another city in Texas.
Okay, so same state, different city. So you maybe know a little bit more of the culture, but again, city to city could be very different. and then seeking out different communities. And of course, Rachel and everyone who tunes in regularly knows that I just think sauna is the best socializer because you can go by yourself into that space and because it's an intimate space, have more conversations and get to know people more quickly and on a different level than, say, going into a bar. So I love that offering.
Check out your local sauna. Yeah, and I'd love to hear what you're up to. I think that would be very challenging moving to a new city. I've been in Minneapolis, gosh, forever, a long time. And 12 of those years, most recently, I've been sober. And so not having to rely on bars and alcohol-centric experiences to kind of create a community has been wonderful. That would be my hope for Rachel, for you and for anyone else tuning in, even after the fact that you can seek like a healthy community and maybe add something to your, the darkness of the winter and the evenings to create some community.
I think it's so important. All right. Would love to chat one-on-one if anyone wants to talk through any sober or sober curious journeys they're currently on. And yeah, take that tip. Let me know. Are you changing your evening habits now that it's darker? Yeah, look into your sauna and the locations in Texas. It's crazy. I do know that they exist there, even it's a warmer climate, but the benefits of sauna go beyond. And good luck. All right, thanks everyone, and we'll see you next week.
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