Mental Health Matters 🧠 - The Cognitive Distortions That Rob Us of Our Happiness

What's up, Cadre fam? Evan here, your resident mental health and addiction therapist, here to educate and maybe entertain. But today we have another live stream. Today, this is mental health matters, and I call it mental health matters because mental health is important. We're discussing mental health matters. So today I brought a topic, and that is something called cognitive distortions. And this may be something that you've heard about before, but I thought this would be a good opportunity to go over them, talk about them in more detail.

I was listening to a podcast last night, and there was an advertisement for another podcast, and it was Doctor drew from Loveline, kind of a public personality, talking about addiction, mental health stuff. But he was talking about on his next episode of his podcast, we'll be talking about cognitive distortions, right? So I thought, hey, maybe this is something I could talk about as well, because I hear it a lot of times, and, I don't know, it's never really broken down into great detail. So this is something that I do with my clients in therapy all the time as part of, like, the educational process, talking about cognitive disorder distortions and recognizing them as a skill.

So, yeah, so that we could talk about those today. Break that down. We'll see who joins the live, and maybe we could have a little discussion about it, or maybe you're watching this as a replay. That's cool, too. So I pulled up one of my therapy assignments. So, over the years of doing therapy for a while, and I'm teaching some of the same stuff, eventually I'm like, you know, hey, it would probably be worth my time to make an assignment out of it. So I write up a few pages on what the topic is and then have, like, some exercises within it.

So, this is something, the broader category, which I call realistic reframing. Now, reframing is a very common cognitive behavioral technique. So, cognitive behavioral is a broad type of therapy, and that is about how your thoughts interact with how your thoughts affect your feelings, which affects your behavior. And it's a cycle, right? So, the belief is that as humans, we, especially when it comes to ourselves, we have biased thinking. And a lot of times that bias thinking is negative. We're often harder on ourselves than other people and that we have these things called automatic thoughts.

We can't control all the thoughts we have that make us essentially affect how we think, what we believe about ourselves, how that leads to feelings, and perpetuating this cycle. So this is coming out of cognitive therapy. I call this realistic reframing, because, basically what reframing is, is taking some of those negative thoughts and making them more positive. Now, I call it realistic reframing because I find that if we focus on turning these negative thoughts and making them almost too positive and unrealistic, you're not going to believe it, you're not going to internalize it, right?

Something called toxic positivity, if you've ever heard that term. So part of that cycle is these cognitive distortions. You can think of them like biased. You've heard of cognitive biases or logical fallacies. So these things that we're prone to, these different logical fallacies and this is sort of in that regard. So these are just common ways in which us human beings are prone to thinking in ways that don't reflect reality. You know, if you've ever heard a friend who's really down and depressed and they feel horrible about themselves, and you listen to them talk and you're just like, wow, that's really sad because it's not true.

They think they're worthless or they think they're a bad parent, or some of these ways in which we're hard on ourselves. Now, when you hear somebody else say it about themselves, it's much easier to see that their not really accurate. You're right. You're like, hey, this is not true. You are a good parent, you are a good person. So it's kind of these dark lenses we have about ourself. So that's kind of the overall bias that we're harder on ourselves than we are other people. What's up, Katie? Good to see you.

I look forward to our conversation later today. Recording a podcast that will be on Cadre talking about families and addiction, supporting loved ones, and we get to hear all about Katie. Oh, hello. Speaking of people who have a passion for helping families of individuals with addiction. Car. Jess. Katie. Alright, so with that, let's go ahead and break down each of these specific cognitive distortions, right? So these are based on our automatic thoughts. So for example, so all these automatic thoughts that just come into our mind, right, like I was talking about, I'm worthless or somebody doesn't like me or they're out to get me, or just like, you know, anything that just comes to mind, we have them all the time.

We can't control our thoughts. Some thoughts we could control, like I could look out the window, I see a bird feeder and I could think about birds if I wanted to, I could go to. I have the choice. But there's some thoughts that just come and the ones that are negative are often kind of sticky. So sometimes people call them sticky thoughts or some other names, hot thoughts that are emotionally charged, but just ones that are a little bit more distressing and harder to get rid of. And so those often come in distortion.

So let's go ahead and talk about them. So the first one that we're prone to is black and white thinking things are 100% one way or another. Something is good, it's bad, it's evil. It's, you know, it's fully evil. It's fully good. Right? So it's. A lot of it is these. It's like. I call it, like, absolutist thinking, where it's. It almost sounds more confident. It's like. And it's overly. It's basically oversimplifies everything. There's no gray or I'm either fully good. I'm fully bad. Right? Where in reality, you know, things are not always one way or another, especially when I was.

Especially when it comes to human behavior, to human beings, we're much more complicated. So, usually when we look at things or describe things in the black and white, we're typically going to be incorrect, especially when talking about ourselves. Of course, there's exceptions to every rule, but, you know, this leads to things like catastrophizing, which I believe would be another cognitive bias. So there's, like, I have some written, and there's other ones you could come up with. Yourself probably says black and white thinking, then magnifying.

So blowing things out of proportion. Proportion. Making a mountain out of a molehill. So, like, if I don't get this promotion, my life will be ruined, right? So I think a lot of times, this comes magnifying, comes out of fear, comes out of a place of anxiety, and therefore, you know, kind of making a monster out of something that isn't really building something up as a person, a situation, a problem, and making it just seem much bigger than it actually is. It's like a dog that has a ton of hair, and you think it's bigger than it really is, but if you shaved it, that one, you're like, oh, this dog's not that big.

Just, like a little skinny thing. That's something we have to be careful for. For all of these. We have to ask ourselves, if we understand them, we're more easily able to identify them, and that's what we do in therapy. So next we have projecting. So, this is one I added myself. This is one I noticed, and I'm sure you've heard of projecting, but I kind of define it in a couple different ways. So basically, I feel this way about myself, and therefore others may feel the same. If I feel like I'm a bad parent, you know, based on some negative emotions, depression, then I feel everyone sees me in that way.

If I'm self conscious about my looks, everyone sees me as ugly or unattractive. So we do this all the time. And you see quite a bit, especially in a therapy setting, where maybe a client feels a certain way about themselves, and then therefore they feel that the therapist believes that about them. Right. Especially, like, when you're in a vulnerable place, it's especially more so. So I've had clients who've, like, been like, look, I know you think I'm terrible. You think I'm this. I'm sitting there like, no, I don't think that at all.

I'm not even, like, lying. No. Like, not even in the slightest. Right. So we talk and learn about projection in that way. So that's very common. More, I feel this way about others, therefore they must feel the same about me. That's another one a little bit more subconscious. So my boss totally thinks omnate. So that's another type of the bias is, you know, kind of I view this way about the world, therefore others do too. So looking at things through the lens of your own experience and not recognizing that not everyone feels that same way or thinks the same way, that we're more unique as individuals as well as similar in many ways.

Just projecting. There's another one I came up with, and this was just something I noticed in therapy. So maybe not this. No, that's the next one. So this one is similar. So this is. I call them like I should statements. And it's, you know, using the word should. S h o u l d, that is a signal that you're like, whoa. I need to really assess what I'm thinking here or what someone else is, if they're the ones you're trying to support them. So feeling as if you should be doing something, even though you probably don't need to.

So, you know, you're overblowing the word of need. Like, I need to go to the gym. You know, do you really? Or, like, I should go to the gym, maybe. Right? So it's like, I should be doing more with my life. I need to be better looking. I should tell them off. So basically, these are typically, like, many of these others coming from a place of emotion. And when we're in a feeling negative, a low mood, therefore, everything gets filtered through that negative emotion, and therefore, typically is distorted and not in a good way.

Right. So, I mean, it's important to recognize the feelings, not necessarily demonize the feelings, but just kind of recognize that they may be a little biased, a little bit skewed, and we just need to right size everything. So there's going to be truth in everything, you know, and all these automatic. There's some truth to be found in there, even if that truth is, this is how I feel, and it makes sense that I feel this way given my experience, experience given my situation, but it's okay to then challenge them.

So a lot of people, especially nowadays, there's been a little bit of pushback on this type of general therapy, even though it is like the most well researched for just about every type of issue, problem, whatever you want to say. And so there's a little bit of pushback. And, I mean, I guess I understand it where it's like, hey, this could be invalidating if you're having these feelings and you're just trying to go ahead and change them, redirect them, and, you know, whatever that that can be invalidating.

And so, I mean, I understand that, but I think there could be a balance struck because there's a lot of wisdom in this. There's a lot of truth in it. And as long as, you know, you're not necessarily demonizing those thoughts or demonizing yourself or having them invalidating them, then I think it's. Yeah, I think we're okay here. I think this is really important. So another similar one is like, I feel like now you hear a lot about I feel statements, which is like a part of effective communication.

Like, I feel this way, like communicating your feelings. Right. So again, that's important. But I noticed that when I have clients who say it's like, very similar to the I should, I need, I feel like. I don't know. I just notice whenever someone says, I feel like whatever is said after that is either completely untrue, magnified, or it is true, but maybe not helpful to think in that way. So, like. So when I say I feel like. Right. And I think the key word in there is like, because you're like, it's not.

I feel it's like, I feel as if. Right. It's like you're comparing. I don't feel as if. I feel like. So I think that's the key word. And why it could be skewed is because, you know, and just notice this right now. Once I say this, you'll never be able to not notice it. But just notice when someone says, I feel like, notice that what they say after is, well, either not true or they're just not confident. When you say, I feel like it's actually, you know, expressing that you don't feel confident in this belief.

So I think. I don't think it's. You have to, like, never say this, but just recognize it for what it is. So you're kind of using emotional reasoning. I feel this way, therefore it must be true. I feel like I'll never. I feel like I'll never find anyone. I feel like I need to. Right. So you kind of combine it with I should. I feel like I should. I feel like, you know, whatever. Right? So that's just one. I noticed that you won't. That's an original. You won't find that anywhere else. Labeling. So this is a big one, too.

And I think it's similar to the black, you know, kind of follows with black and white thinking. So a lot of these cognitive distortions that what's really common about them or what, like, binds them together is they're very absolutist in nature. Sorry about that, DnD. So, yeah, they're very black and white, and it's very definitive. And one of the reasons we do that is it's very simplistic. It's easy to define, right, if something is fully one way or not another, I am defining it in that way. So, you know, so labeling fits under that category.

This is a big one. Labeling. Or I call it branding, calling yourself or others names or painting yourself as something and not someone. So, for example, I'm stupid, he's a bad person. I am worthless, I am good. Even if it's positive. I am good, I am bad. So it takes away some of the nuance of who we really are. So I say focus on behaviors and not labels, right? So instead of, like, I'm bad, you say, maybe I did something that was not ideal or maybe not good. Maybe you did something that was not very good.

You know, it's like I got drunk and peed in the punch bowl at the party. Well, that's not good, but you don't want to say, I'm a bad person. I did something that was not very good. Doesn't make me a bad person per se, but this is something I could learn from and move forward. So it's, again, having more of that nuance, you know? And for some people, you know, there's a double edged sword, like, for saying, like, I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic. Some people, it doesn't sit well with, because it's, you know, labeling.

So it's like, yeah, you're more than an addict alcoholic. You know, maybe you're someone with a substance use disorder. That's one way of looking at it. Now, there's a lot of people who do identify as alcoholic and addict, and there's a deeper history to that and there's more nuance to that label and it serves more of a purpose. But, like, at face value, maybe that doesn't sound good. So, like, I think it's one thing if you label yourself as something and you do it as a. From a position of strength.

So meaning, like, I'm acknowledging that I have an addiction, I'm an alcoholic, and therefore I fit in with other people who identify that way in meetings, you know, it's usually through the lens of a or something like that. So there is some criticism over that. But I think also it's missed a little bit misunderstood. But in general, I think it's positive to be weary of labeling and noticing that as a distortion. Next one over. Generalizing. So you view a single event as a never ending pattern of defeat.

So you paint others with a broad brush based on a single, single experience. Like all men are liars and cheaters and can't be trusted or addicts steal, all addicts steal, all addicts lie. So kind of stare. Ignorance also leads to stereotyping. So you see a lot of these fit in fortune telling. So this is a good one. So trying to predict the future based on how you feel, not looking at other possibilities. So I will totally fail at this. I won't pass this test. I will just end up getting dumped anyway.

So it's, you know, making a prediction, even though human beings are not, we're not very good at making predictions. Even, even the best of us, even scientists, I don't know, very few scientists have ever predicted anything as far as, like, where we're going to be in the future, all that correctly, you know, especially when we look ahead, right? Sure. Yeah, we may be right. And sometimes it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm going to fail this test. So if you believe that, maybe you don't study as hard, maybe you're more nervous, maybe, you know, you're more prone to giving up on yourself.

Therefore, maybe that will come true. So often the self fulfilling prophecy comes from that fortune telling. And then the last one. And again, there's probably more out there if you look them up. And some of these, couple of these I made up, but mental filter. So, so the filter is that I'm only looking at the negatives, and I'm discounting the positive about myself or others. So I'm filtering out the good. I'm only allowing the bad. Now, you could. You could make it the other way, too. I'm only looking at the good, rosy things, but I'm ignoring the, you know, more problematic things as well, so that I make decisions.

Everything's gonna be fine. You know, if you look back and be like, you know, it wasn't that bad when I was using drugs. I had some good times. But then you're filtering out. Oh, yeah, I got some Duis and my girlfriend left me, and blah, blah, blah. Right. So it's really having a skewed view and a biased view, just like you see in the media, or, like, I only look at the good on a group of people. So you see that in a lot of different ways. So we got to be careful with it. Now, the antidote to this, right, is something.

Is that realistic framing? I'll just give a couple examples before I go. And so the exercise I usually give people is you identify the negative thoughts, the distortion, and then you find a statement that is more realistic and reframing. So just a couple examples. Automatic examples. I'm an automatic thought. I'm a loser. I always get dumped. And the distortions there. I'm labeling, overgeneralizing. I'm magnifying. Now, what could be a realistic reframing statement? Well, I've been in many relationships, and I've usually been the one to end them.

So I'm basically saying I'm not necessarily the one always getting dumbed. Like, there's been times that I've been the one to, and I'm not always on the bottom. Not that it's a competition, but, you know, this person just needs to have a more realistic view. Automatic thought. No one thinks I'm attractive. Overgeneralizing, black and white thinking, mental filter, magnifying. I have, you know, so this is not for me. Okay, so, this is an example I use in the assignment of a female who went. Who was having some situation where a guy she didn't like didn't call back after the second date and then having all these negative thoughts.

Okay? So I'm just throwing that out there. So I have guys that are always trying to date me, but I turn them down. I'm not everyone's type, and not everyone is my type. More realistic than no one thinks I'm attractive. So, if you want to learn more about this, let me know I could always hook you up with some resources, but I think it's a really powerful exercise. Pretty much every client I do therapy with, we look at this in some way and I use it myself. I think it's really powerful. So anyways, folks, I hope you got something out of that.

Probably do a a more in depth video. It won't be as in depth because it's 2030 minutes, but. But I'll do a video breaking it down a little more concisely. So watch out for that on cab dre. Keep an eye out for Katie and I's podcast. Probably come out in a few weeks anyways. It's good seeing y'all. We'll see you next week.