Conscious Masculinity - What’s The Right Way To Be A Man?

Okay. Gosh. I mean, didn't I literally just do a live stream last, like, yesterday? I don't know. Last night, yesterday. Am I getting that old where a week feels like a day? I hear it happens. Anywho. Hey, Cadres Country Sphere. Yeah. So we're on week one. It's May. I think it's been close to a year now that I've been doing this, which is also pretty cool. Speak Wonder is here. Speak Wonder. Always nice to have you, Johnny Ball Game. Welcome as well. So. So here's the deal, right? I was on a podcast yesterday.

Talking to this woman was an interesting podcast. It was. Overall, it was pretty good. She. It was fun. We laughed a lot. And she. She asked me at a certain point, like, we were talking, and she was like, so, like, literally, Dan, like, what is a guy to do? Like, what is the right kind of man? Like, is there a right way to be a man? And I was like, I. I don't know. I mean, it's like, is there a wrong way to be a man? I mean, yeah. I mean, you can obviously look at certain types or. Or probably more behaviors, you know, I mean, and then there's some guys, like, they're so clueless.

They're so lost. Like, you know, it's just like, oh, man, it's like, you don't want anything to do with what they've got. Like, you don't want what they have. And it doesn't mean they don't get laid, and it doesn't mean they don't make a lot of money, because still, right, some of that really unhealthy masculinity is rewarded in our society. And that was part of the conversation. You know, it was like, what about the good guys? You know, do you. Are you a good guy? Do you want to be a good guy? And I said, well, I don't know what.

What determines good guy? That's why I talk about conscious masculinity. I said, look, I don't have the answer for any other man. I really don't think I do, other than, like, look at all of the man rules that you follow. Look at how you follow them when you follow them. And then, like, look at the man you really want to be. Right? Do you want to be somebody who's controlling in relationships? Do you want to be somebody who's always right? Do you want to be somebody who can't talk about his feelings when it matters the most?

Do you want to be somebody, you know, who cuts other people off? Or do you or, you know, defines himself by the external things and what he has or whatever it is. I mean, it's just kind of like conscious masculinity is all about looking at what kind of man do I want to be and how often am I being that man. And it's not about perfection. It's. It's just like a, it's checking in. It's like, like yesterday was a great day for me. I. I showed up in the ways that I wanted to. I was of service. I was loving and empathetic with my wife.

We had fun. We went to a play and had fun with that. I hung out with guys that I'm in a mentoring relationship with and was able to be open and honest with them. You know, I did some time for myself. I worked out, I did my prayer and meditation. I mean, it's like I can look at that day and I can be like, you know what? When I put my head in the pillow or on the pillow, I didn't put it in the pillow, but when I put my head on the pillow, I could say, yeah, I had a good day. I showed up as the man I want to be.

And so some people are like, well, just be the person you want to be. And I'm like, well, yeah, that's fine. You can be the person you want to be. But when you make it gendered, when you really look at what are the pressures I feel to be a certain kind of man, to look a certain way with people, or how I act when I feel afraid, where do I go? Do I go to a one up position? Because that's what a lot of guys do. Or I feel insecure? Do I go to a one up position? Do I do it in my head? Do I do it in real life?

What's happening? And so is there a right way to be a man? I think really the most right way is by practicing awareness that conscious. Because part of conscious masculinity that I talk about a lot is enlightened choice. Right? Enlightened choice is like in any moment I'm interacting with my daughter. How do I want to interact with my daughter? Can I pause enough to ask, how's my voice? How's my body language? You know, when I was a new father, one of the things that I learned was it was really important to get down on my knees.

It was really important to sit down. My daughter was like 2ft tall. I'm 6ft tall. It doesn't matter what I said or did. It was probably going to be Scary for her. And so I learned to just, like, sit on the floor. I learned to kneel on the floor. We were at, you know, at the same eye height or whatever that's called. And, you know, like. And those are the things. So, you know, when I think about the right way to be a man, I don't think that's the right question. Like, when we were. When I was on this podcast with this woman and she was talking to me about that, you know, she was.

She was trying to understand, like, she's married. She's thinking about her husband, how her husband shows up. And I don't think her husband has really spent much time thinking about the man that he is. That's not good or bad again, but it's just kind of like the. The other thing I told her is I said. I said, many, many men are going to leave this earth never really having lived because they have been slaves to the gender conditioning that has told them who they had to be and what they had to want to be happy.

And I have yet to meet a man. I have yet to meet a man who is truly happy and. And truly feels free based on the dictates, right? Based on the dictates of the man rules and gender conditioning of our society. And so the challenge is like, if you're just constantly telling yourself, but this is what's supposed to make me happy. This is supposed to. This makes me a man. And, you know, for so many men, I think the challenge and the fear is that, like, we feel that this. That our masculinity is this house of cards that could tumble at any time.

And so then we keep building it up and building it up and protecting ourselves and protecting ourselves and doing all the things that we do in order to avoid the deep insecurity that we feel of maybe not quite being man enough. And so, you know, I think that comment that I'm seeing on my phone from Speak Wonder is really important. The right way to be a man is to have the awareness to ask these questions. Just ask the questions. Just be willing to look. And what, again, I talked about on the podcast is I also said, and you know what?

I alone am probably not the best source of review, of reflection. I alone am not the best person to say, am I showing up as the man I want to be? I have some idea, but if I'm not checking it out with one or two, at least one or two other people, then I don't get that perspective, that challenge that says, well, wait, wait, wait. What did you just say there, or what about this or what about that? Or. Or what about what you're not talking about. And personally, I think that applies to all human beings.

I think we all need people that we can check in with and be honest and open with and get honest and open feedback, right? We don't need people who are going to cosign our. And that's what a lot of people fall into. And so though there is not a right way to be a man, and yes, there is a wrong way to be a man. And it's. And it's wrong when it's hurtful, okay? Period. When it's abusive, when it's violent, when it's hurtful, it's wrong. And I will make that judgment, right? But because a man does something wrong doesn't mean he's wrong, doesn't mean there's something wrong with him.

Just because he does something that's hurtful doesn't mean that he as a whole person is somebody who doesn't deserve our love or the ability to challenge the behavior, change the behavior and to transform the man. And so those are my thoughts on this lovely Saturday. It's raining here in Los Angeles, so I think for like, the first time since I've been doing this, I'm inside and I wish you all a really wonderful, ah, very wonderful, wonderful weekend. Take care. Thanks for tuning in. Bye.