Comedy Through The Chaos: Parenting Edition - Safety To Share Your Story

Good morning, hello, and happy Saturday to all of you. I am Miss Shannon Paul. Happy to be joining you, even though I am shiny. I will figure that out later. Actually, I probably won't because I'm going to be doing a bunch of yard work today, so I can just stay shiny. That can be the look for today. Thanks for joining me for the Saturday edition of Comedy Through the Chaos, where we normally talk about something that is parenting-related. I am in the midst, of course, of parenting. I have an adorable 17-year-old kiddo who happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum.

So I'm happy to be joining you where we talk about a variety of different pile of things. Hello, Luke. Good to see you. Luke, you're going to like this story. I'm going to show everybody something out in my front yard. because I was going to talk about something completely different today, but then yesterday happened. So first, let's start with the good news. So this is what my weekend is. Well, more than my weekend, probably the partially of the next month is going to look like this. So I have been doing or I'm always doing some sort of landscaping project.

My kiddo's over there. So what I'm doing now is that, here we go, watch, this is what it is. So what I'm doing in my downtime, this is what my downtime is gonna be, is I have a number of spaces in my yard that I had decided to use wood chips in the landscaping. Hello, Speak Wonder. Hello, hello, you'll like this as well. It is not relating to anything nautical, but I think you can relate. So every year when I start doing these projects and I have stuff with a bunch of wood chips, that's a lot of money.

in little spurts and so here's what I decided to do you'll enjoy this here wait for the reveal this is what I had delivered yesterday that is what that is that is a pile of wood chips that um you can get from a company called chip drop but the thing with chip drop is that they'll give you the word chips for free Or if you're like me, decide to give like a very small donation to kind of hope that you get it faster. I know, I know, Luke, right? So the way that chip drop works is that if you say you want it, they will bring you all of it right.

And so they'll bring it to you for free, but you gotta take the whole truck. And so it's not the prettiest wood trips, but it is lovely and it is free. So I donated 20 bucks 'cause that's what they charge the arborists to have them come and fit to be able to be a part of this is it costs arborists $20. So I'm like, $20 for that many wood chips seems like a fair deal. So I will be putting together a lovely garden wagon that I picked, this kind of half wheelbarrow, half wagon. And then my project in the pockets of my day over the next, I think probably knowing me just because I'm kind of busy month, will be to redistribute that pile throughout my front and back yard.

And the other thing I thought you would think was wonderful about it is since we here in the cadres here about building community, I am helping build community. Yeah, yeah. So nope, nope, nope. Not potato chips. That have been a lot. I don't know if I could get through that many potato chips before they all turned into compost, but This is much easier because as far as what you can do in your community, a lot of times what people will do in the neighborhood is that they'll tell other neighbors. So I told my next door neighbor and my neighbor across the street that they are welcome to come and partake of the wood chips if they would like some.

Because that's what happens sometimes. If anybody in the neighborhood wants some perfectly imperfect wood chips, because again, they aren't the... uniform size. They aren't the most pretty with a bunch of different colors that are put into them or anything like that or dyed. But they will more than take care of the product that I have, which is fill in all my garden beds. There's some places that actually have some rocks that have gotten kind of weeded out that I'm going, I can use it there. And around my kiddos hot tub in the back of the yard.

that's where I figure I can do it all muddy spaces, so I have a very cost efficient way to build community and also take care of some things in my. yard, which is kind of what I have been trying to focus on and when we are talking about the concept of. safety. And I do also want to acknowledge that that word safety can even in itself be kind of triggering for people because you don't feel like you're in a safe environment and being able to be safe to do a variety of different things. And so I'm really glad that we are discussing it from a bunch of different angles and so the way that yesterday played out and what I want to talk to today is about the safety of being able to share your story and finding spaces that you can share your story and you can be vulnerable in especially if you grew up kind of like me I grew up in that hyper yes perfectly imperfect yes and so it's really for me I grew up in that That land of hypervigilance, that land of you're the one that has to do it, you're the one that takes care of it.

You know, I've been a caretaker from before I knew what that world was. Like basically I was, even though I was in a mother-daughter relationship with my mom, I was pretty much a co-parent for myself and it's been like that for a long time. And it's something that I've kind of navigated. So I've gotten kind of used to not sharing my side of the story and not necessarily sharing when I'm in a vulnerable space and when I can use help and it's been very very interesting as I have incrementally over my lifetime learned what spaces I have where I can share that story and who I can share it with because a little piece of me always feels like I'm being a burden to somebody else when I tell them if I need some help, or if I ask them for anything, or even I tell them that the morning's not going well.

And so yesterday was one of those days. So yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment. It was 10 AM central here in the great state of Minnesota. And I was trying to get my kiddo off to school, who I normally drop off at 9, should have been fine. But yesterday, he was having a fail to launch moment. He was just... In the midst, just acting real confused every time I said let's pick an outfit. If I tried to make the choice for him, then that didn't seem to be the right choice. So he was just having a rough morning and it was not going smoothly at all.

And I'm trying to maintain positivity for him because if I don't, Then things just slow down more. Hey, Andy Mac, good to see you. I will end with what I began, which is a tour of my giant pile of wood chips in my yard here in beautiful Crystal, Minnesota. So since you missed that, Andy. So yesterday, we're going back and forth. I'm trying to get him to get ready and it's a lot of conversations about you should put on your shorts, you should this, let's do that and it's just not really working. So I walk out to my garage because that's what I do sometimes to go okay I'll do the next step which is start putting some of his stuff in the car and I go into my garage and then I see something scurry across the garage.

And then I'm like, what is that? And so I'm like, I'm pretty sure it was a mouse, but it didn't move slow enough like in Ratatouille that I could see what it was. So I'm like, great, another thing to deal with. So while my kid is spiraling slightly in the house, in my garage, what it turns out is that I see this mouse. I don't know what happened to this mouse, but this mouse does not seem right. The mouse either found something that slowly is poisoning the mouse or something, but the mouse is periodically just coming out where I can see him in the garage and then chasing its tail.

So clearly the mouse is having trouble too. So now I'm stuck in this. What am I gonna do with this mouse? What am I gonna do with my kid? 00 AM. And that's how things went back and forth for 45 minutes. of me trying to maintain my cool when things were literally spinning around me. So I finally go, you know what, in my head I'm not going to be able to make it to the dentist, let me just call them and tell them that I need to reschedule. Which I did and of course they got to the point where they're like asking me all the questions about well normally we want this much notice and so why can I put down why you can't make it?

And I said because I have a special needs kid and he's having a rough morning and I'm not going to be able to make it. And so they're like oh okay. So then she chilled out a little bit because she got thrown off her script. And she starts looking forward to additional dates Now mind you, as we are doing this live stream, we're in the middle of September. She tells me that the next date they have available is in January 2026. And I'll tell you, with everything that was going on right now, I'll be honest, I felt myself well up a little bit.

Because this is just something I just want to get done. I just want to get done. All I want to do is just make it to the dentist, get this thing done, get my teeth clean. Come on now. And now I have to put it off until January 26th. A little piece of me knows, all right, at worst case scenario, you can just wait until January. You have flocks. I have plenty of things. I have a water pick. I can get by. There's people who never go get their teeth clean. I'm blessed to be able to do it. I know it's a first world problem.

It just was irritating yesterday morning in the midst of spinning mouse and spinning child. So, I go okay and I put the date on my calendar and I get off the phone with her and I take a deep breath then my kid I start resetting him again I go out to see the mouse and my wonderful sister Casey who lives next door on the other side of my duplex comes over because she hears us going back and forth and she came over just to check on me and I'm at this point I'm exasperated but I'm calm again and so she's like what I said he's just we just need to let him reset and then but by the way look at this weird mouse what do you think I should do with this mouse and then I mentioned my dentist appointment and she because she was able to come in from the outside and wasn't in the midst of all this said well you know I went to this other dentist is actually a lot closer to her house and they got me in pretty quick you should call them now calling another dentist was on my agenda but it was on my agenda like this is gonna be work because now I'm gonna have to find another dentist and hope that they have a waiting list that is less combative, then the one that had me put off all the way until January 2026, because now I feel under siege.

And so I'm like, okay, so that's one less thing to do. I'll at least start with her suggestion. My kiddo finally calmed down. I got him off. I don't know. Cliffhanger here, everybody. I don't know what happened to that mouse because when I just left the garage door open and periodically I looked in there and he still seemed to be scurrying back and forth wondering what to do with his little rodent life. I can't help him. I can only talk to y'all. I can't talk to, I'm not Dr. Doolittle. I can't help him.

So I don't know what he eventually did, but when I went out there later in the day, I did not see him. So hopefully he went off to, I don't know, the mouse's version of greener pastures and he's fine with his elders. Hopefully he found his elders. and on my way back from dropping my son off at school I did call the dental clinic that my sister suggested and not only were they kind on the phone and excited to hear from me because they're next to my chiropractor so we got to bond but they're like I said well how soon can you get me in and they said they can get me in this upcoming Monday at 10:45 So it's almost like a really good reset from Friday.

But that easy fix, which turned into one phone call, in my head was already gonna be five or six phone calls and a big ordeal. And it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told my sister 'cause my first response was just to not really word vomit all of this stuff on her, just say, like I normally do. He's having a rough time, we're figuring it out. But if I hadn't told her that there was additional parts to my story, the messy parts, the other cogs that were involved, she wouldn't have been able to say, oh wait, I might have a solution for that.

And let me just mention it for it to you. I like my dentist. Maybe you'll like him. So, I think the hardest part about that for all of us is having those people in your circle that you feel safe sharing the messy parts of your stories with. Especially if you are the one that's normally the person that's the linchpin for everybody in your group. And often we end up being that person. We're the ones that they come to when they have a question. We're the ones that they come to when they need support.

We're the ones that magically manage to make everybody feel better, but who do you have in your circle that you can feel safe going, No, Here's the next part of this story. Here's the not fun part of this story. Here's the part of the story that made me feel bad. As dumb as it sounds, I was really upset that I wasn't able to get all of this stuff done in time for me to just make it to the dentist. This one thing that I was doing for myself. This minor thing of self-care to try and make sure that my health in general was fine.

Now this turned into another part of the list of a thing I didn't get to be done because I was a parent and a caregiver. But since I was able to sit there and go, Oh no, I can mention this to my sister and why it's irritating to me this morning. Boom! Problem workshopped and then resolved quicker than I had hoped. So I know that sometimes for us it takes research to have that person. It takes time for you to figure out how are you going to vet these people to know that there's somebody that you can trust that you can feel safe with that you can feel that you can share these things with and understand that you aren't being a burden to them that you are actually just talking because sometimes that's all you need to do is just talk I didn't expect an answer from my sister when I mentioned what was going on I just needed to say it so that it wasn't bottled up in me so that I didn't eventually pop like a giant blue-haired cork So do a little research, find that person in your life that you can do.

Hopefully it's more than one person because sometimes we just get busy and that first person may not be available. But find that person that you can tell the whole story with, that you can help them, that they can help you go, is this a story where you need assistance and resolution or is this a story where you just need somebody to hear it? Because sharing that story can actually make you feel so much lighter in those difficult situations. Just being able to talk to somebody else about how weird it was that I had a mouse that seemed to be slowly expiring and was in distress and I didn't know what to do about it, helped immensely.

So I encourage you to do that as well. Find those safe people. We in the Cadre Sphere try to help be that. I understand that we cannot always be immediately available, but hopefully a message like this is something that you can put a little pin in when you do need those moments, when you need a reminder of how to do that. Know that you can always start here in the cadre sphere. And Andy Mack, here we go. We're going to go on this tour now as we remind everybody that I hope that the day continues to treat them well.

If you wonder what I'm going to be doing, along with hanging out with my adorable 17-year-old kiddo, I'm going to be chipping away at this massive pile of wood chips throughout the day, the week, and possibly the remainder of the month as it gets redistributed through my life. So figure out what your piles are. Do them one wheelbarrow at a time. Figure out how to get them done while you still are doing all of the other things like so many of us are doing. And always check in with us here at the Cadre Sphere so we can continue to support you.

Enjoy the beautiful day. Hopefully it is beautiful wherever you are as well. And remember this, I hope that the day treats you well. If not, shame on it, not shame on you. m. Central. So I appreciate all of you and I'll let you know if I end up finding that mouse wherever it is. May he rest in peace.