Coffee Chats With Dr. D☕️

Hey guys, it's me, Dr. D, and I am on the go today, but that's alright. I'm here. And for once, finally, I was able to join on time. Everything seems to be working better behind the scenes. So as you come in or if you're watching the replay, I hope you put in a little coffee emoji for me. Let me know that you were here. or hit that heart button for me so I know that you liked what I'm talking about. And so we are going to continue our conversation about Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And today I want to talk about just the feeling and the experience of what seems to be like someone being concerned about you, showing interest in you, but really it's a form of manipulation and control.

So I'll give an example. I don't know if you've ever been in a relationship where someone appears to be concerned about you and it shows up in questions like, well, where are you going? Who are you going with? Who's gonna be there? How long are you gonna be gone? I'm gonna miss you. And then that eventually turns into what seems to be like concern or worry. Like I'm worried about you, know, would you mind sharing your location with me? And that continues to escalate when there's a point of control.

And if you're the person that is being asked to share your location, being asked all these questions, you will start to notice like this doesn't feel like concern anymore. It feels more like you want to know what I'm doing so you can have some type of control over me or you want to know what I'm doing so you can pop up on me. And that does happen, especially in intimate violence relationships where someone can step in and act like they're concerned, but it's really a form of I need to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing.

So if you're doing something that I don't like or approve of, that I can step in and control that. I can say something about it and get you to stop that behavior that I don't like. And what that does is it removes any opportunity for you to have a sense of control of yourself, sense of agency, not authenticity, that's the wrong word. What is the word y'all? It starts with an A. That's the perimenopause brain. If you know, But that does happen where we lose the ability to have agency of ourselves because what appeared to be love, what appeared to be concern is really manipulation.

And that feeling that you get, I want you to pay attention to that. Our emotions are signals. Our emotions are something that should let us know that we need to pay attention to something. And so when you feel off about someone's behavior or questioning of where you are, who are you with, pay attention to that because deep down it might be something a little darker that might seem innocent at first, but really it's not. So I hope that helps. I can't see if anyone is on this live right now, but if you're here listening, hello.

I am here enjoying this beautiful day. It was a little chilly earlier, but it is beautiful outside and I am looking forward to wrapping up next week of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And I would love to touch on the topic of how partner violence also impacts men. So for the men who listen to my coffee chats, this one is going to be for you. All right. I will see you guys next week. Have a wonderful week. Bye.