How To Handle Rejection Without Taking It Personally

Hello, Cadre. Hello, I am sorry. It is 647. I'm going to be honest. I was about to make dinner. I just fed my dog. You might hear him. I was about to throw some laundry in. And then Luke from Cadre sent a thing about, and I was like, oh, live. And I was like, oh my gosh, mine is at 645. I thought my live stream was scheduled for seven. So my sincere apologies for being tardy to the party. But hi, I am Michelle. I am from Unstuck by Michelle and I am a dating coach. I absolutely love what I do. I love working with people through the dating process, whether it's building confidence, whether it's navigating dating apps, whether it's working on social skills or the topic I'm going to talk about today.

Sorry, my dog just joined us down here. How to handle rejection without taking it personally. That's hard. That is a tough topic, right? Because, sorry, that's my dog shaking his ears. And you guys, I'm a lip gloss junkie. So I was running late and I need my lip gloss. But how to handle rejection without taking it personally. So first, let's just talk about rejection. It doesn't feel good. Right? It doesn't feel good because it means that You, right, I was not wanted for said task, said job, said relationship.

And it can hurt your feelings, it can feel bad, and that is all normal. And it is part of the dating process. It is part of the dating process. I have been rejected more times than my hands can count. And it stings, right, but we have to learn to not make it part of our self-worth, not make it so that it indents our value or puts a dent into our value or that it impacts our confidence. And so finding that balance and saying, I'm really bummed that this didn't work out and I'm okay. I'm okay because really what rejection means in the dating sense is that you two are not compatible.

Nothing more, nothing less, that is it. When dating, rejection can look like it can come off in a lot of different ways. As I mentioned, it is part of the process. So I'm going to start with one, just dating apps, like before you even meet a person, when you're on a dating app and you're chatting with someone and then they just disappear. I was going to say, raise your hand if that's happened to you. Hey, it's happened to me. right? It's like it's happened so many times, especially when I first started dating and my anxious attachment was a little unhinged.

I'd be like chatting with Joe Schmo. I'm like planning my future, you know, this guy's it. And then I go on the next morning and he gone. So that is one form of rejection, right? You've never met this person. You go to continue the chat and they disappear. That is like the least personal it can get because hear me out, they do not know you. They do not know you. They've never met you. They do not know your personality. They know minimal, right, what you've texted and your profile. But it is that you can just say like literally, I do, this person does not know me.

This is not that deep. So when I went on, planned my future with Joe Schmo and I go on and he's gone, right? It's actually this really isn't that deep. It isn't. And in situations like that, just remind yourself that Joe Schmo is living a life. We don't know anything about their lives. right? They could have just gotten a really bad diagnosis. They could have found someone else that they were dating and liking that person and wanting to move forward. They could be taking a break from dating, right?

And when you're just in those chatting stages, people don't really owe you this big explanation. And I'm sorry, my eye be itching and now it's getting red. So keep an eye on that. If I just disappear, remember this is where it started. So the second kind of rejection And I'm kind of just making up these types. So these scenarios, right, is that you've went on a date with somebody and you went on a date and you're like, I liked this date. I enjoyed this person. I would like to do it again. And you message them and say, hey, Joe Schmo, tonight was great.

And I would like to do this again. And they say, you know, I didn't quite feel it, like best of luck, right? So there's that like, I have actually met this person. This person got to know a little part of me and they didn't like me. And of course that can hurt your feelings, right? And I want to remind you again, raise your hand if you've ever been on a date and you met someone and they're cool people, they're fine, but there's just, they're not, you just, there's something and you just know, right?

And it doesn't mean that they're bad. It doesn't mean that they have low value, low worth, they're unlovable. It just means that you're not compatible for the better that you find out, right? And so that type, like if you were excited, you met them, and they tell you they're not interested, that can sting a little more than not meeting them if you've never met them, right? And so again, it's to remind yourself of you still, this person still barely knows you. They know an hour of you, right? They know an hour of you and the right person, this is what always kind of got me back.

The right person is going to want to go on a second date. The right person for you is going to meet you in the hour, hour and a half and say, I want to do this again. right? So we don't want to waste our time with people who don't want to do this again, right? And it's so easy to get stuck in your head and said, oh my, I just talked to a dating client today and he was talking about this first date and he's like, oh, I know I shouldn't have said this. I was like, what would you say? You know, and he told me it was something pretty freaking normal.

I said, that would be unhinged if that was the reason why. And it's easy to just analyze everything you said or did. And then at the end of the day, you have to remember again, it's not that deep. You met this person once. by, right? This form of rejection just means that you are not compatible. Nothing more, nothing less. So it hurts a little more when you know the person a little more, right? You've gone on several dates. Maybe you've been intimate together and then they break it to you. So you guys, I was dating this guy, we'll call him Joe Schmo.

And we were dating, like we were seeing each other, going on dates, spending time together, intimate together. And it had been a couple months. And I remember I was walking around Lake Harriet and I, like the night before, I was like an annoying drunk, So I was like, he called, I knew he was gonna like, I just knew it. So I answered the call and Joe Schmo was like, hey, Michelle Buttercup, you know, he'd be positive, negative, positive. Michelle, you're so great. You're so blah, blah, blah. And you know, there's just something missing.

I think we're on different pages and I don't. And I was like, And then he said something nice and I said, okay. He's like, I was like, all right, thanks. Bye. And I was kind of rude. I was caught off guard. I was kind of rude. And then I honestly cried for a second, even though I didn't, like, I wasn't planning my future with this guy. It just felt bad. I felt like I wasn't enough for this guy that I didn't necessarily didn't want a future with. But after I composed myself, I called him back and I said, hey, I'm sorry I was so short.

Like, I just want to say like, thank you for letting me know. I do appreciate it and you're a really awesome guy and I wish you the best. And he said, thank you. And I felt better not being like a bitter person off the phone. I felt better and then we moved on. But it did hurt because he did know me and you know, he knew me and it felt like, oh man, I'm not good enough for this person. That's how I felt being rejected by him. Like I'm not good enough for this person. And the reality when you think like very literal sense is yes, I was not what he was looking for.

That is actually true, right? Doesn't mean as a human, I am not good enough, but I was not what this person was looking for. And that's the reality. With that information, what do you do? Because there's a couple options. You can sit there and think, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for him. I'm unworthy. I'm unlovable. Or you say, I wasn't what this person was looking for. And I'm glad that I know that now so I can keep looking for that person. It's that balance of feeling your feelings and not internalizing it.

So I always tell people there's different types. Like I think people should sit with their feelings when they are based on rational thoughts. And when we're having feelings that are based on irrational thoughts, that's a sign to use some kind of distract skills. Yeah. What I mean by all this is when Joe Schmo ended it with me in Lake Harriet, I don't know the date, but that would be like really good for dramatization. This date, I think it was fall. I have no, it was fall. It was fall because we tailgated.

It was fall. When he ended it with me, right? Like sitting with my feelings in a healthy way, or let me do unhealthy, in an unhealthy way first is, I am not good enough. I'm such a loser. I'll never find love. Right? I feel sad, hopeless. So my feelings are based on a false narrative. That is fake information and we need to pause there. That is when it's like, nope, these are irrational, unhealthy thoughts. I need to do something else, right? Other way is like the healthy way of saying, oh man, this person didn't like me.

I was having fun. I'm really disappointed. Then it's okay to have those. Like not, I don't want to say okay, not okay, but it makes it's healthier to sit in those feelings. right? But we don't want to make it about our self-worth, our self-value, any of that. And it's so easy to do because it is on some level personal, right? This person met you and said, Hey, you know, I met you and it's not what I'm looking for. So again, the three types of scenarios we talked about is not meeting somebody and just on the app, one date, dating someone for a little bit and how that stings a little more.

And so The main takeaway with this is that rejection is a part of dating and you have to have some level of thicker skin because like I said, I've been rejected A handful of times. It doesn't feel good. I'm not wearing a t-shirt. I've been rejected today. Hashtag blessed, right? Like it doesn't feel good and it happens. And I've also rejected people. And when you think about this too, it also is good to remember when you're dating someone just to be honest with them, right? Don't play people on, don't ghost people, like just be transparent, like be kind.

And yeah, it's part of dating. You gotta have some level of thick skin. And when you're feeling certain ways about it, it's good to pause and say, what am I thinking right now? What am I thinking right now? Oh, I'm thinking I'm an unlovable loser, right? And then we say, oh, pump the brakes, pump the brakes, girl, you are lovable, you are worthy, and this just wasn't a good fit, right? So again, what am I thinking? Challenge those thoughts and remind yourself that you are the ish. The right person, the right person is going to like you for you.

right? And when we go through the rejection of dating and the heartbreak and the disappointment, yes, it sucks. And yes, it can feel like, gosh, will I find someone? And I believe there's multiple people for people in this world. I truly believe that. And every time it doesn't work out with somebody, it's just a step in a direction that you're going to lead you in towards that person. So again, again, I got nothing else. I got nothing else. This is a topic we can talk a lot about and I'll talk more about it on my lives, but I just want to take away today that if rejection happens when you're dating, when, I should say when.

When rejection happens when you're dating, it's not that deep. You are amazing. That's just a sign that you're not compatible with that person. You will be okay and you are lovable and worthy regardless of someone if they want to be with you or not. So again, I'm Michelle from Unstuck by Michelle. You can follow me on TikTok, on Instagram. You can comment on here if there's any things that you want to hear more from me. Or I was going to say or less, but I don't want to hear that. But I am open to feedback.

I am open to feedback. But if there's things you want to hear, topics you want to dive into, chats, you know where to find me. Holler at your girl. I am going to have my dinner now. I hope you have a lovely Thursday night and thanks for listening.