The Point of Crying

Hey, Cadre. Family doctor Carey here. Today, I want to talk about crying. And I know this seems like a really simple topic, but I want to share my experience with this and the freedom that I've had over this area of my life. I grew up not really being much of a crier. I didn't cry when I watched movies. I just was not a very emotional kid, and that was just how I was made, or at least I thought that's how it was made. But I used to actually pride myself on not being able to cry. I remember at one point in my life, when I was, like, 16, I had cried in two movies in my entire life, Jerry Maguire and Titanic.

I don't know if you're familiar with those movies, but I only ever cried in those movies, and it was like, maybe a tier streaming down my face. We're not talking sobbing, but I realized in the last year or two of my life, as I've learned how to become vulnerable, that crying is not a bad thing, and it's actually really healthy. Your body actually makes tears as a way of cleansing. And if you think about it, what was the point of making tears? Why do we have tears or the ability to cry? Well, we have all emotions, because God made all emotions, and they're neither good nor bad.

Emotions are just emotions. And so, really, what is crying? What is the point of crying? Because I could tell you for so many years of my life, I never understood what the point of it was, because my fear around crying was that it would just make me feel worse and sadder, and I wouldn't be able to really pull myself out of that pit. So I didn't even want to go there. But really, it's quite the opposite when you actually allow yourself to feel emotions. And the same thing is true with crying. Have you ever held back tears and felt that, like, lump in your throat that it gets so hard to almost swallow that you feel like you have a horrible cold because you're holding back that urge to cry.

That is unhealthy. Let me tell you, holding back the urge to cry is actually the unhealthy thing. Allowing yourself to cry is healthy. And once I realized that crying was okay and that it was safe and I started doing it, I realized how much freedom I had from it. I can't tell you how good it feels after you've had, like. Like a really good sob session where you're, like, out loud sobbing, how much of a release that feels afterwards. And for many, many months, once I opened up the floodgates, of crying.

I cried all the time. Anything would make me cry. And it just felt so good to do it. And so I felt like I was making up for years lost. And then the next level of vulnerability came where I didn't only cry just in front of myself and my dog, but in front of my therapist. Probably the person that I felt the safest with to really experience emotion. But that took me two years to be able to cry in front of my therapist. And let me tell you, the first time I let some tears stream down my face and I didn't hold back from that big lump in my throat that was forming just how safe and open I felt and how good it felt afterwards to be validated by someone.

So I'm not encouraging you to go cry just in front of anybody because not everybody's going to be able to handle that. But if you're like me and you've struggled with opening up in this vulnerability area, especially with crying, I just want to encourage you to try it. Try it by yourself as long as it takes. Cry by yourself. Cry with your stuffed animal, cry with your pillow, cry with your pet. Something that makes you feel safe. Start there. Don't start with crying in front of a whole room of people unless you know that that is safe.

Because as you enter into this space of becoming vulnerable, you really have to determine what is safe and what isn't. Because all of us have had experiences where we've opened up in life to someone or to a group of people or in a situation, and it wasn't safe and our feelings weren't validated. And a lot of times people who struggle with vulnerability, like myself, have had that experience multiple times. So it basically becomes just logical for you to stop opening up to people. But I want to encourage you not to live that way because there's so much freedom on the other side of vulnerability.

There's so many other things that happen in your life when you open up your heart to someone else or to just different people in different situations. I will delve into this topic a lot more in depth with vulnerability, but just for today, I want to encourage you to try crying. If you've never done it before, make sure you have a really safe space to do it. Allow yourself to really feel whatever it is you're feeling. That might be grief, it might be hopelessness, it might be fear. Just really sit with those emotions and let it just come out in your tears.

And then just pay attention to what happens when you're done. How do you feel after you've had that release because it's a physical release, just like going for a run, it's a physical release when you cry. If you're to that point, maybe try crying in front of someone. Open up yourself to someone else. Let them know what you need in that situation. You say, I think I'm going to cry. And what I need for you to do right now is just sit here and not say anything. Tell them how you want them to respond, especially if you've never done this before, because it can be really scary and they might say something that wants you to close off again.

So maybe you have to instruct them with what you need at that moment. And sometimes it's just, I just want somebody to sit here with me and not say anything. So I would encourage you to try that. If you're like me, know that this is really, really scary. To some people, this may seem like really silly because it's just crying and you've been doing it since you were a baby. But if you're like me and you've had majority of your life spent not crying, I just want to encourage you and empower you to try it and see what happens, because it is so healing to be able to cry, especially with people that truly care about you and that support you and it's safe.

Thank you for tuning in with me today. God bless.