Dr. Carrie recounts sharing her sexual assault and a trauma-informed care talk, reflecting on fear of judgment and lingering shame. She explains how telling stories can loosen shame and invites listeners to consider what they might share and with whom.
Hey cadre family, Dr. Carrie here. Today I want to share with you about the experience I had this weekend. I had the opportunity to share my sexual assault story at a conference and this is probably the 20/25th time I've done this. If you don't know my story I have a pretty, pretty interesting, horrific story. I was stranger raped, stabbed, and kidnapped when I was 21. And I shared this story along with a presentation on trauma-informed care. And before I got on to share this, I was nervous. And I thought, "Why am I nervous?
I've done this so many times. I've done this like 25 times. Why am I nervous?" And as I kind of searched within, I realized that I was afraid I was going to be judged. Which sounds really silly because anybody who knows my story says, "Oh my gosh, what could you have possibly done differently you made it out alive?" Right? But in my head I think , "Why didn't I scream? Why didn't I do something different so that I didn't get raped so that I didn't get stabbed?" And I have this shame that comes up when I share my story.
And of course I made it out alive. I did get stabbed and I made it out alive. But you do what you need to do in a situation like that. It's your fight or flight response. You have no control over it. And yet here I am. Years and years later, sharing my story once again, fearing that people are going to judge me. And I can tell you that that is not what happens when I share my story to a room full of people. My story is so powerful because I share it and I'm vulnerable. And other people come up to me and say, "I went through something similar.
Oh my gosh, you know exactly what I went through. I had this experience. I experienced this kind of trauma, this kind of sexual assault." Because really what the point of shame is is to keep it a secret. Shame loves secrets. It wants to keep that inside. It wants to keep that power over you. Because that's really what secrets are. They are power. But they're power over you. So by sharing my story and by having other people share their stories, it gives them freedom from that shame, from that fear of judgment.
Because let me tell you, everybody who 's told me their story, I don't judge them. There's not a part of me that judges them. Because they went through something horrific. And I know what it's like to go through that. And I know what it's like to also deal with that shame that comes up. No matter what the circumstance was, you probably have had some sort of traumatic experience in your life or maybe multiple. And there's probably a component of shame with it. Because that's what comes along with trauma.
But don't let that keep you inside and keep that power over you. Don't let shame have control over you. Share your secrets. Secrets are not good . Surprises are good. Secrets are not good. So I would invite you to figure out what is it that you struggle with around shame? What is your story that you want to share with other people? And who can you share that with? Who can you feel safe sharing that with? I don't suggest you go share it with the world. You know, speak from the mountaintops, you know, go share it with a whole bus full of people.
But just starting small, sharing your story with someone that you trust and recognize what that does to you inside when you share it. Because the freedom I have had and the healing I've had from sharing my story over and over and over to rooms full of people, to individuals on an airplane, whatever it may be, it is so freeing. And that shame gets less and less and less as you share your story and don't get that judgment back, which I guarantee you're probably not going to have somebody judge you if you share your story.
So I would invite you today to do kind of a self inventory of what is it that you're struggling with around shame? What do you need to share with people so that shame no longer has power over you? Find your trusted group of friends, your community, your church network, whatever it may be, and just start sharing. Maybe it's just one sentence, like I struggle with a pornography addiction. I struggle with this. I struggle with a shopping problem. You know, whatever your case may be, share it with someone that you know you can trust and recognize what that does inside you because I guarantee you're gonna find deeper levels of healing as you start to share and reveal those secrets and shame will no longer have a hold over you.
Let me know how it goes. I hope this works out for you. I would invite you to try it. Try something new. You haven't tried it yet. Just try it.
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