Don't Buy Me a Gift

Hey, Cadre family doctor Kerry here. Today I'm going to talk about worthiness and I have a lot to share on this topic and I want to share about a particular example that happened in my life recently that really brought me to realize that I still struggle with this. So recently I was gifted with an amazing vacation trip to Hawaii. It was super exciting, super fun. And just the thought of going on this trip and having somebody be thoughtful and gift me with something so amazing was really overwhelming for me.

And I realized throughout this journey of being given gifts that I struggle with worthiness issues. I've been somebody who's never really liked getting gifts. I want practical gifts if you're going to get me something because it makes more sense than something I'm not going to use every day. You know, I don't know why you spent the money on that. I grew up with definite this mindset around gifts and I realized that at the root of receiving gifts for me is actually worthiness. And I've struggled with this for many years of my life.

But really where it came from was growing up. And then more importantly in my marriage. I was told I was worthless, I was not important, I was ugly, I was unattractive, I was, you know, unreasonable. I just. A lot of different words, a lot of things were spoken over me that equated to my worth in life. And after a while of hearing these things, I believed them. I really did truly believe these things about myself. So when it comes to receiving a gift from someone, whether that's an actual tangible gift or whether that's a gift of love or affection from someone or just somebody really genuinely caring about me, I get really uncomfortable because deep down I don't feel like I deserve it.

And I've worked through a lot of healing on this. Let me tell you a lot. To really get to a place where I feel worthy of receiving someone's love or receiving gifts. And I just want to encourage you today that this is not an overnight journey. It is not something that I can read a book about and just, you know, read a relationship book and just learn from. It really comes down to the root of do I actually like myself and do I actually think that I'm a worthwhile human being on this planet? It goes so deep.

Just the simple act of receiving a gift goes so deep because feelings of unworthiness really hit you at the core. They hit you at the core of your existence, of why you're even alive or why you're on this earth. Like, do I even make a difference in this world. And so I've really been battling with these feelings of unworthiness lately, and it comes up for me in the form of rejection, distancing myself, and really just not feeling motivated. I've noticed that's a really big indicator for me when I'm not feeling motivated to do something, it's because I'm feeling unqualified to do something.

I'm feeling like I don't have a worthy contribution in this world. You know, I've been struggling with launching my business and doing other things, and I struggle with some motivation, but it really, at the core, is down to that worthiness feeling. And really, if I can't find myself worthy, how can I expect anybody else to find me worthy? And I can't look for that in someone else either, because that's actually a codependency. So a lot of people who struggle with unworthiness, see, seek this out in other people.

They seek to have other people affirm them and make them feel like they're worthy because they can't find that in themselves. But unfortunately, it's never enough. It really digs down to the fact that, like, you can have that confirmation from someone else, whether it be a friendship or relationship, that you are a worthwhile human being, that you are important, that you are valued. But if you aren't going to internally believe that, it's never really going to fully sink in. And then when you have the absence of that, you actually find yourself really lost because you've been waiting for someone else to affirm that in you for so long.

And if you end up not in a relationship or losing that friendship or whatever it may be, you can actually have deeper feelings of sorrow and rejection because you've been depending on that other person. That's where that codependency comes in. You've been depending on that other person to make you feel worthy. And that worth has to come from inside. So I can tell you I'm still on this journey right now of figuring out how do I make sure that I feel like I'm a worthy person without needing that affirmation from someone else.

A lot of this I take to God and my faith and really knowing what my identity is as a daughter of Christ and whatever that looks like for you. But it's figuring out really what is your identity. Do you like who you are? And what can you do every day to affirm yourself? So for me, that looks like those daily affirmations or declarations that I say about myself, even if I don't believe all of them. It's saying, I am worthy, I am perfect, I am beautiful human being, I am prosperous, I am intelligent, you know, saying those things about myself to really start to believe them, if I don't already, but speaking those over myself, because I can't depend on someone else to do that for me.

And then really sitting down with who am I as a person? And are there things about me that I don't like? Okay, well, let's change them then, because only you can do that. You can't rely on someone else to change you. You can't rely on someone else to affirm your worth. So it has to come from within. And if you don't like who you are, you can do something about it. That's the beauty of it. It's a lot easier to change yourself than it is to change someone else, let me tell you. But I would just encourage you to sit down with yourself, maybe make a list or an inventory of the things that you don't like about yourself.

Okay, then what do you want to do to change them? Because there's so many resources out there these days to change things that you don't like about yourself. I find myself struggling in relationships. What am I doing about it? I'm reading relationship books. I am seeking wise counsel. I am talking to people that are in good, healthy relationships, getting their input, and I'm actually gonna take a skills course on it of how to be a healthy woman in a relationship. So I'm doing something because I don't like that part of me, that I continue to choose the wrong relationships, whatever you wanna call them, but I just.

I wanna improve that part of me. So I'm gonna actually work on it because I know that those feelings of worth and value have to come from within. And so I wanna become the best version of myself that I can be. And I wanna be a whole person when I enter into a relationship or a friendship or just show up in anything I do. I want to come as a whole person and have healing from those things. So I know I can go so deep into this topic, and I will. There's so many different directions I can talk about with this, but I just want to leave you with just an encouragement that if you are struggling, if you're someone who struggles with receiving gifts, receiving love, receiving affection, to peel back those layers and really look at that feeling of worthiness in yourself and figuring out where do you struggle with that?

How do you find that worth in other people, that then you can start finding in yourself. So thank you for tuning in with me today, guys. God bless.