What’s In Your Toolbox

Yo, yo, yo. It's funny popping on these live streams. I'm not that much taller than Jill, and when we're sitting down, it looks like I am a giant and I'm not. We're like the same height, minus the bun, that gives me five inches. But they say, you know, the bigger the hair, closer to heaven. And that's what I'm shooting for. So I need to get down here. But we've established that she just has a shorter torso. Thank you. I have a shorter torso. I'm actually taller than you are. Taller than me, which is hilarious.

So my legs clearly are a lot longer than this part of me. Here we are. Happy Tuesday, everyone. Tuesday. We're here. We're back for another Tuesday. Can you believe just how quick time is flying? It's December 5 today. Before you know it, it's going to be 2025. What a time. We're going to skip 2024 completely. That's what it feels like. But really, scientifically, they say the older you get, which I know, somebody on the other end of this screen is going to be, like, old. What are you talking about?

We're in our thirties, but really, that's a lot of life still. So we're not about discounting other people's life experience. Right, right. Scientifically, they say the older you get, the shorter the years are, the faster time goes. And that makes sense, right? Because if you're two years old, one year is half of your life. At 35, one year is 130 fifth of my life. And I used to scoff at that, too. Like, no, whatever. It takes 17 hours to get through my math class, which is an hour now. It's like, whoa, geez.

We blink and it's 03:00. We blink and it's 03:00 so welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to our livestream on this wonderful app in this wonder community, wonderful community called Cadre. Who are we? I was just gonna say it's lovely to be here with you guys. We're Jill and Mary. I'm Jill. This is Mary. We own girls mentorship. We're co founders, and we teach tween and teen girls how to be confident, how to problem, how to bounce back from failures. All the things, all the skills, all the tools, all the resources we needed when we were their age.

And we get to do that. And realistically, at 35, we still need them. We so do. If you tuned in and you're like, I'm not a teenage girl, I'm out of here. Sit down. Get your little finger away from that exit button, because we're not teaching specific teen and tween skills. We're teaching girls how to understand personal growth and development as a teen and tween girl. But we all need street smarts, emotional intelligence, and these skills, especially, like, what we're going to talk about today. And Bravo for you tuning in and being a part of this community, because clearly that shows that you value personal growth and development yourself.

So the way that you're consuming good content is going to help you be a better person today, tomorrow in your life, with your family. And we need you to show up as the best version of you so that you can, if you are a parent, do that for your kiddos. Because, man, our kids are suffering, and we need more people to be a part of these conversations so that we really can raise the next generation of incredible leaders. The lighthouse, right? Your internal work becomes your external reflection, and you're able to give what you absorb back to other people.

People who you can see desperately need it. One of our mentors says, you just need a 10% edge. You don't need to be a guru. You don't need to be an expert. We are neither of those things. But what we have done over the years in our life has taken messy action to better ourselves, which is why we feel so confident and comfortable talking about our lived experience. Part of that lived experience, I don't know if you could tell, is that we have the gift of Gabriel. Jill and I could talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

I joke all the time that I could talk to a lamppost, and it will talk back to me if I try hard enough. And I realize that not everybody has that skill. So I want you to find yourself in this story. Back when we were in middle school and high school, the gift of Gab was not a gift. It was a curse. And our teachers probably did not love us because we didn't understand how to use our voices respectfully or impactfully in a positive way. So our teachers probably saw us coming and probably did one of these.

Oh, she's not sick today. Dang it. She didn't call out because they knew they would have to spend precious time and energy redirecting our energy or deflecting, like, our commentary. Because in particular, me, I won't speak for Jill. I am very headstrong and independent. And if somebody said something to me at any point in my youth that I didn't like, I made it my personal mission to be a thorn in their side. It was like a vendetta. So I had a few teachers that I just. I didn't respect their classroom rules or the energy, the atmosphere that they were trying to create.

So I was a chatty Cathy. I was talking to my friends. I was talking during lessons. I was talking to prove a point. There was one time in an english class where we were going over spelling words, and I was really good at paying attention while also talking. It was, you know, a skill of mine. So I was painting my nails in class and speaking to my best friend while going over spelling words in this english class. And I was a junior in high school at this point, so I knew better. Of course I knew better.

And the word that we were discussing was interlude, which means to interrupt. And she snapped at me and said something as I was painting her nails, you know, interrupting. And she goes, do you know what the word is? And I go, oh, yes, I'm so sorry, Miss Pribble. I was just interluding and I used the word appropriately, which made my classroom erupt in laughter because I was being snarky and rude. And of course, I got in trouble. I got sent to the principal's office. What I recall about that time was no one ever tried to redirect me.

They never said that snark is amazing. Your ability to make people laugh or control the room is showcasing your leadership skills, but you're not doing it in an appropriate way. They made me wrong for it, which they probably didn't have the skills to redirect me, so it's no hint on them. However, if I would have listened to everybody telling me that I was wrong, I never would have had an opportunity to myself to lean into that skill because it is a skill. And I found that it's a skill now in my life.

And because I've learned how to redefine that and use it in a positive way, can I do the work that I do now? And for me, I had zero self awareness or social awareness. So my talkativeness came just because I wanted to talk. And what I've learned over learning these type of skills and sharpening my self awareness is I'm so glad that I didn't quiet that gift which is now serving me in the work that we do today and truly outside of what we do. Genuinely being able to see people and value people and strike up a conversation with strangers is a gift.

And I'm so glad that I've just learned and harnessed my self awareness to know when it is appropriate to speak up, when it is appropriate to pull back, when. Because before I just, I had no filter. It was just coming out of me, and then I just made myself wrong for it. So what we want to, the lesson, the conversation we want to talk about today with you all in our stories is what skill are you quieting? Or what has maybe someone in your life or personal life, professional life, what have they quieted to say that it was wrong because it wasn't maybe in the most appropriate, maybe it wasn't in the most appropriate space.

So for us, it's our voice for you, it could be listening for you. It could be actually making eye contact with people. Maybe you have found that you're more comfortable looking down and interacting with people, but maybe a superpower of yours really is connecting with people. So find yourself in our story because we are so glad that we didn't take someone else's feedback as truth because now it's serving us greatly on this app in our communities, in our families, and most importantly, being able to coach and.

And help the girls that were working with, that we're working with. And I'm not even kidding, my own kiddo last night was just a chatty cathy. Last night. Oh, my gosh. I was like, okay, there is a time and a place. It's helping me, even in my parenting. So where in your life, what's a gift that you're celebrating that might have been quieted in your youth? Or what have you been pushing down for years because you just thought, you know what? Someone told me that it wasn't good enough and I'm just going to forget about it.

Well, and that's hard because something someone says to you stands to impact you for the next 15 years. So, an example of that. I feel like I've talked about this before, but my brother told me I had really big teeth when I was little. These two front teeth, they were buck teeth. Maybe they didn't fit my face or my features at that point in time, and I've grown into them. But him telling me that he doesn't even remember that he made those comments or jokes had me smiling without my teeth for a good 15 years.

So I smiled closed mouth, not open mouth, for about 15 years because I was ashamed of my teeth. So somebody else's opinion of me, what I was doing or how I looked impacted me to the point where I closed up, closed down, didn't do something because I thought it was wrong or obnoxious. So what we like to say to our girls is every trait, skill, and quality they possess is neutral. It's bland, it's tan. In color, how they use it is positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy. Right? So my gift of gab was neutral, but in the way I was using it in high school, even really into my early twenties, was a little bit more unhealthy and a little bit selfish.

I always love to go first. I noticed this when I went to college. I raised my hand because I wanted people to think I had the right answer. Right. I wanted them to look at me and be like, wow, she's really smart. I still go first a lot of the time now, but I do it in a way that makes other people feel comfortable to then go after me. So I'm not trying to be showy. I don't want the spotlight on me. Whereas before, I wanted the spotlight directly on me. I want my ability to use my voice, make other people comfortable, give other people their permission to know that it's okay to use their voice as well.

So in those ways, I was using that quality about me, that trait, that skill that I had in an unhealthy way to serve myself. And I've learned over the years how to use that same skill, that same quality, that same trait, in a healthy way that impacts other people positively. And I think that's really the key, the perspective shift to, you have to know that you have everything you need inside of you. You don't necessarily have to change anything about who you are. You just have to change the way that you utilize the things that you have in the palm of your hand.

Well, and what I thought of with you sharing that is the ability to call that out in other people. So if you are working with kids or if you have your own kids or the annoying coworker that, oh, you need to give feedback to, sitting right next to one of us that you need to give feedback to, but you just. You're like, they'll never change. What a gift to give that person if you approach it in that way, right? If you approach it in a way that is loving and constructive to say, hey, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, and I mean this from.

From a well intended place, right? If you approach it that way, someone might not even know that they're doing it because they've done it for so long. They've done it for so long. Their personality can be the perspective shifter to literally open up something that they might not have seen their whole entire life. Well, and how silly of us to think that someone can have a negative impact on us. Like I just said, the story about my brother, something that he doesn't even remember saying, impacted me greatly for a long, long time.

How silly of us to think that if we said something in a constructive post way, it doesn't have the same effect, that it can't change somebody for the next 15 years in a positive way. Right? Because as humans, we desperately seek connection. Again, another call out as to why you're probably on this app. Because connection is one of our most important basic human needs with other humans, that we can't have that same impact on somebody positively. Because I love it when somebody tells me something about what I'm doing that has impacted them positively or a way to amplify that.

I'm like, almost performative at that point. I'm like, absolutely, I will do that because I want to have that impact. That is part of my personal mantra. My personal mission is to have a positive impact on everyone I meet every single day. So that sounds really big. And how do I keep up? It's not. It's just who I am. So if I'm ordering coffee from the barista at Starbucks, I'm going to ask her how her day is, or I'm just going to stand there and say, you had a really long line in front of me and behind me.

Do you need to take a deep breath? Right. It's those small, pointed interactions that you can have with somebody that can make a big difference in their life. So, like, back to the question Jill asked. Where in your life are you quieting something that could have a massive positive impact on somebody else? So that, that is our homework for you today. The tool that we want you to either take out of your toolbox or put back into your toolbox. What's the quality that's a part of your personality that you're not utilizing to its fullest capacity?

Yep. It's like dating yourself. So these are the questions that we love, and we know that it can benefit you, because at the end of the day, when we show up as our best selves, we're inspiring other people to show up that way too well. And honestly, we work with teen and tween girls, so the word that comes to mind is like, manipulative and conniving, right? Girls are really good at, you know, presenting a topic and trying to convince you. What if she grows up and becomes the district attorney one day?

Like, those manipulation skills, those debate skills are going to serve her really well. So how do you curate a space for her to lean into those skills in a positive way? How are you. The guard rails to helping her explore that part of her personality in a way that will go on to greatly serve her. Because we talk a lot about transferable skills, and our gift of gab is incredibly transferable. So just be mindful of who you're talking to and how you're talking to them. And that includes yourself. The foundation includes you.

How are you talking to yourself about yourself? Are you your own best friend? Are you your own worst enemy? Big question. So enjoy the rest of your day, everyone. Thanks for tuning in whenever you catch this recording, and we'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. See you later, alligator. Happy.