When fights or arguments start. Notice where you are coming from. If your default triggers their default it's not going to end well. Take time to rise above your default. Pick a new action and see transformation in your relationships.
Danielle: What can be our default way of being default? What does that mean? Our default? Jose: The biggest opportunity for growth is with family. It's really letting go of your default in those moments of explosion.
Danielle here talking about default. What can be our default way of being default? What does that mean? Our default? And not only looking at our default, but looking at the default in a conversation in relationship with somebody else, typically somebody close to you because that's where a lot of growth can happen and that's the area where default can hit default and explosion can happen, say closest family, significant other kids. Your kids are your best teacher, though. So your default is this automatic happening way about you.
It's a story you say about yourself that you don't want anybody to see. Like one story that for me when I was younger, I'm still stupid was my story. So that's my default. But I don't want anybody to see that, right? Because they might not like me. I might not be accepted anymore if people see that I'm stupid. So I cover it up, right? I cover it up and my operating system becomes perfection. Like I become perfect, which actually doesn't work either. But my default is the not wanting to be seen as stupid.
Right. So then I'm in at school probably, right? That's the most challenging space to not be seen as stupid. School was very challenging for me. I'm also dyslexic though, being in that space and not wanting to be stupid. I really lived out a lot of fight, fight or freeze in school because I did not want to be seen as stupid. And at one point my mom actually even hired a tutor for me and I just couldn't accept that. Like, I couldn't accept the help. There's many layers to go with that, but I just was like, no.
Like my default was so strong. And the teacher later said he wish he would have done different tactic but took it on so personally that it was his first time. A student said no that he didn't know what to do, right. And so it could have like switched his thought process or switched away to teach. Got more on my level to connect, but just was so hurt by me being like, no, I don't want to do this. I was very stubborn at the time and so that was default. Hitting default that I was. I did not want to do it.
The teacher was so shocked that had a no, didn't know how to switch gears or get on a new level for the student. Student. So that's default. Hitting default. It can show up many areas too. Like in relationships with, like families. The biggest opportunity for growth is with family. Truth. It may seem like no way, Jose, but yes way that you can grow with family. It's a big one. Takes something. It takes a lot, but it's really letting go of your default in those moments of explosion, of wanting to get back at want to say, to want to give that next dig, right?
So example with family, like say, my sister, my sister, you wanted to always tell me what to do, right? And I got it and I didn't. I don't want that. She wanted to tell me what to do. She wanted to control me or she needed to take care of me, right? But now it's like, no, I don't need taking care of anymore. Like that was the old sister dynamic. And so now it takes something. You don't have to take care of me. And though she almost doesn't know how to be around me when she's not taking care of me, I don't need that.
I don't want that. I don't want that to be our relationship. So it takes something to connect again when the operating system isn't her taking care of me. It takes something though, through that growth and through that wanting. The desire of both people to want to change is transformation is a now new relationship. So it's being able to rise above your automatic already happening system and your thought process in those relationships, in those environments where you could fall back to automatic default.
So choose one. It could be a simple one, it could be a challenging one. Play with both and see how you can just more observe yourself in those moments and choose the higher intention and elevated emotion and be in that relationship. Questions? Let me know. My name is Danielle. Have a blessed day.
