Culture is good at telling us that some of the things that we experience, because we’re human, we should be ashamed of. Join me to talk about how being human is nothing to be ashamed of, through the lens of real life things we all go through.
Today we're talking about reframe shame. It's different from guilt in that it's something where you assign negative attributes. When we acknowledge the thing that we're struggling with, shame can die.
In 2003, I had a panic attack in the middle of a professional conversation. Someone stopped me and said, hey, I see that you have anxiety. Do, do this all the time. We all have parts, right? We have our professional selves, we have our human selves. And because we're humans, they come out when they comes out.
Kendra: We can be that person that says, oh, my gosh, I see that this is hard. Let me be here with you in this. For those living with anxiety, it's hard and it's courageous of us in that moment to say thank you. Luke: As you go out into the world, reframe these human parts of us.
Cadre, hello. Good morning. I guess it's good afternoon. Welcome to reframe shame. So, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Shannon, and I am here on Cadre, and I'm the founder of a company called Aloud, where we help caregivers talk about how hard life can be out loud so that they can get help and not sacrifice their mental health. That's part of who I am. I am also a person with anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, CPTSD, and I parent, obviously, a child with autism. Okay, so today we're talking about reframe shame.
So, shame, which, as you know, or maybe you don't know, and I know only from reading many, many books, including all of Brene Brown's. It's different from guilt in that it's something where you assign negative attributes or you see yourself, your soul, your human soul, as bad or at fault, where guilt is, ooh, my behavior was bad. I wish I would have done that. So the difference is, it's inherent to yourself, and who you are is shame. And guilt is tied to behavior. High speak wonder. Good morning.
Good afternoon. So good to see you. So, shame, as I think Brene Brown also says, dies in the light. And what that means is when we say the truth of things out loud, when we acknowledge the thing that we're struggling with, shame can die. Right? Because we know that the world doesn't end. We know that people still love us. So today I'm going to talk specifically about an experience I had. It's something I actually shared today on my LinkedIn profile for those of you who are connected to me professionally.
And I'm going to talk about a moment where I was out in the world, I was out in culture, and I was my professional self in my mid twenties. And I behaved in a way that I didn't want to behave because of the anxiety that I have. And someone, thankfully, went against culture and said, hey, I see that you have anxiety. Let's do this differently. So I'll tell you the story. In my mid twenties, I worked in radio. And so my job was to work with clients who bought advertising campaigns. So I went to this vp of marketing communications at this large healthcare company here in Minneapolis.
And my job was to. I was new, and my job was to sort of overcome a bad experience she just had with the person prior to me. So she spent a bunch of money. She was like, listen, this didn't work. And I had to go in there and say, it's okay. You know, I had to save the deal, I guess, is how you could call it. She was in her mid thirties, master's degree, MBA. I definitely looked up to her and thought, God, this woman is, you know, she's what I want to be. So I started talking, I started presenting, and my anxiety took over.
At that time, my face would get very, very red. My face got red. I started sweating. I started fumbling for my words and I. It was horrible. I sort of went blank. And I had this panic attack in the middle of this professional conversation, this part of myself that I prided myself in because, you know, for me, being professional is easy. My other parts of my life, not so easy. So we're going through this moment together. And she stopped me and she said, she said, okay, okay. She said, let's stop.
And she said, so I can see that you're really anxious and I can see that you're having a hard time talking. And she said, so let's just take a breath. You're doing a really great job. You're doing a fantastic job. I believe what you're telling me, but let's just take a breath and start over. And I remember it truly can go back to sort of that physical feeling in my body. I'm so sorry. Click. Bazins. Binski. Cl Binski. Do, do this all the time, right? It's a physical manifestation. I remember the sweat almost drying on me, like I was so sweaty.
And I finally was able to breathe and I stopped and we started over. Why does that matter? Because I was in this part of myself. We all have parts, right? We have our professional selves, we have our human selves. We have all the different parts. My dog Gilbert is here scratching himself. There he is. So sorry for the noise. But we have all these parts. And because we're humans, they come out when they come out. And sometimes that means that I'm going to have my anxiety part in a place where I don't want to have it at all.
So by her stopping in that moment and saying, hang on, I see you, I see this thing and it's okay, it changed my physical body. It changed the shame that I had in that moment of saying, oh my God, I can't, what am I doing? I know I'm good enough to do this. My body is taking over and it changed the trajectory of that relationship, right? So that went on. That relationship changed not only to be incredibly productive professionally, but the person that did that for me way back when, in 2003, is a dear, dear friend.
Today. She's someone that I actually spoke to. As we start to build this Cadre sphere, as I build my business, she's someone that I go back to over and over. And now we're very close friends because we acknowledged that we're human. And, yes, speak. Wonder what an act of grace on her part. And that is my message today. That is my exact message, is that we as humans who have anxiety or whatever you might have, depression, you might be again, I'm a caregiver, and I have these flight or fight moments.
Whatever it is for you, you know how hard it is when you're in that moment and you're not showing up in the way that you want to. So what I would offer to us today is a couple of things, and one is, you're okay. You're okay if you sweat and you fumble your words and you do all the things you don't wish to do, I'll go back to you. I'm so bad with names. I apologize. I'm gonna call you k, which is, if you don't like that, please tell me. You do it all the time. It happens because we're human, and our bodies do it, and that's the thing we live with.
So you're okay. You're human. That will happen. That's number one. Number two, Kendra, thank you so much. I didn't want to mess up your name. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kendra. Number two is we can be that person for others. Right? And it is scary. I would also say speak wonder. It was an act of courage on her part, right? I could have taken offense. I could have gotten angry. A million other things. And so she courageously stepped out and said, like, hey, I'm gonna say this, and I'm gonna give you this safe space.
So I think for us, we can be, as we're in this Cadre sphere that we're building together, and we're building this community of people who are gonna take care of each other in all of our humanness. We can be that person. We can be the person that says, oh, my gosh, I see that this is hard. We're fine. Let me. Let me be here with you in this. Yesterday, I had to pick up a medicine at Walgreens, and I could see that the pharmacist was having a day. She was anxious. A lot of things had happened. And then she's like, she said, oh, my God.
My password. The computer just did this. And I said, oh, you know what's great? I'm not in a hurry. I'm more than happy to sit here, and you just take your time, and when you're ready, come back to me. And those are the things that I would ask us all to do in service of one another so that we can start to have more outcomes, like I did with my friend Brenda, who now is someone that I cherish. And that all started with her ability. Yes. Courage, her grace. And then I will also say for us, for those living with anxiety, it's hard and it's courageous of us in that moment to say thank you and to say, I am anxious, because that can feel maybe like a failure.
It can feel really scary to say, yeah, I do have anxiety, or I do have depression, or I do have whatever it is. And so having that courage to do it on our parts, too, is a big deal. So kudos to you all. That's what I have today. I'm so glad you were all here. Kendra. It's great to see a new face. So glad you're here. Luke, hi. As always, I'm glad you're here. Of course. Speak, wonder, all of you. Thank you for being a part of this Cadre sphere. I'll be back in a couple days, but as you go out into the world, reframe these human parts of us.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. And we're gonna change. We're gonna change how we treat each other. So. All right, guys, we'll see you soon. Happy January 2. Have a great day. Bye, guys.
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