Aloud - Saying What’s True Out Loud

Cadres fear. Hello, it is Shannon from aloud. Welcome to Wednesday, and welcome to say it out loud. So for those of you who don't know me, I am Shannon. I am not a clinician. I am not a mental health therapist. I am a human who is living with CPTSD anxiety, a parent to child with special needs. And I've been in therapy for seven and a half years. So my role on Cadre is my mission. My why is to be a person that says what's true out loud, real life experiences, things that we may all go through and share my own experience in hopes of it being something that might be useful for you.

All right, so today we are going to talk about not being our best selves, right? That is a universal thing that I think we can all relate to. There are times in all of our lives when we show up in a way with others that we walk away and go, I wish I wouldn't have done that. I wish I wouldn't have been that version of me. So I'm going to share an example with you from my life in the last week and then talk a little bit about how I was able, thanks to the therapy that I went through and the skills that I have, I'm able to say, to check myself midway through and take a different path.

So part of that for me comes down to black and white thinking. So I was at the gym on Sunday, and I am a competitive person when it comes to athletics. I was a competitive runner, played soccer and just all the things. So fitness is important to me and it serves both my physical body but also my mental health. So when I get to the gym and I go pretty consistently, like five days a week, I am there. I'm intentional. I'm intentional with my time, and I want it to be time well spent. So even saying that, as I say that out loud right now, definitely sort of tags into that black and white thinking, which many of us can have, which there is a right way to do something and there is a wrong way to do something.

m.. I will maximize every minute of that 60 minutes workout and I will push myself. That is, for me, success. That is the right way for me to go to the gym. So this week when I went, it was a very busy class, and it is. We have to share weight racks, right? So it's a space with limited space. And this day I had to share a weight rack with three people. I immediately became irritated by that. So, again, remember that I'm going in with this tight, tight expectation of I have to maximize every second of this.

It has to be xxx. So as we get into the rotation and we're doing our rounds of these reps, I can't remember what we were doing. Whatever the pull, let's just call it the lift. The lift we were doing. You know, we each have to do eight reps, and so I'll take a turn, the next person will take a turn, and the next person will take a turn. And so one of the people in my rotation was slower, right? They had to take the weights off. They had to. They moved slow. They moved slower. And I should just caveat it with, they move slower than I would want them to move.

So as this was happening, I could feel in my body my anxiety and my stress going higher and higher and higher and higher because I wasn't getting the workout I wanted. And again, that black and white thinking, I count on that 60 minutes to do these things for my body. So I could feel myself getting a little short with this person and kind of a little passive aggressive, sort of just pushing to see, like, are you done yet? Are your reps done? And as you can imagine, we don't all have poker faces, and I know that people can read that on my face.

And again, my body starts to go like this, and there are physical manifestations, so I was annoyed. Then I'm doing my reps, and the trainer comes around and starts correcting my form, and she's, you know, she's like, put your toes out farther. Hey, Shannon, do this, do this. Get your elbows up higher. And I got even higher and higher and higher in my stress and anxiety around that because I was like, listen, lady, I gotta get my workout in here. And not only is it not, it's not going the way I want it to, and now you're trying to correct my form, and how am I gonna get to the maximized 60 minutes of this workout if I don't push, push, push, push, push, push, push.

So about 25 minutes through, I had to stop. I stopped, and I had the wherewithal to stop and say, shannon, they're ruining this moment. You're ruining this workout. m. That you're with a community of people who are here to get healthy, who may come into this with a different need or expectation, who may need to do less weights than you, who may need to do more weights than you, whatever that is. You're ruining this hour. And it doesn't have to be this way. And I will tell you that that took a lot for me to get there.

This is one of my buckets or part of my personality that's really difficult. And so. But I did. And I was able to self talk myself and say, you're being kind of rude to the trainer in that you're being a little cold and passive. Passive aggressive. You're hurrying up these people, and I can see on their faces that they're starting to feel agitated. And so I had to take a breath, I had to turn away, and I had to reset in my head. All right, what is this hour? This hour is a workout. And today I might burn 410 calories instead of 510.

And that's okay. Cause today I get to choose. Am I gonna be not very nice to the people around me in service of getting to my goal, which really, in the scope of things, is like a piece of licorice worth of, you know, effort. So is a piece of licorice worth of effort worth making someone else feel bad? And it's not, but it's me going against the grain of myself and saying, like, okay, stop. Because the person I want to be is a kind person and a loving person and all the things. And if that means I have a licorice worth of whatever on my a** after this, then that's okay.

I'm glad this is resonating. Angelo kid. Yeah. So I was proud of myself at the end of it that I was able to reframe it. It sat with me for actually a couple days, and that was okay too. So I just, you know, I guess the message today is, like, in that moment, being able to stop and say, like, okay, am I showing up as my best self? Yes or no? And then what are the steps that I might take to be a little different, to be more of my best self? And it just. It helped me, and that's it. I wanted to share that today.

I hope you're able, in those moments of, like, oh, God, I'm not my best self, taking that moment to just take a breath and walk away for 2 seconds and say, like, okay, I can do this differently. I can do this differently right now. And the damage or, you know, what I'm putting out into the world that's not reflective of me can be shifted. So that's it. So I hope that resonates with you. Thanks for being here. Angelo. Kid, you guys are doing a great job. Of being you. We're all human beings doing our best, and that's all we can do.

And so the more we're just aware of it and behave in the way that we hope to behave, we're going to help each other feel better and feel more supported and make sure that, you know, that licorice worth of calories is moot. It doesn't matter, because who cares about a licorice worth of calories? All right, friends, we'll see you soon. I hope you have a great week, and thanks for being here at Cadre. Bye, guys.