Things We Aren’t Supposed To Talk About

Cadre. Hi, it is Shannon. It is Thursday. I'm coming to you live with my hat on because I have no makeup on, and I just didn't want to put it on today. So I feel like this is my middle ground. So thanks for being with me on my middle ground. All right, today's topic on things we aren't supposed to talk about, I think I described it as aa for humans. And I'm raising my hand and I'm saying, I'm Shannon, and I bite my nails and I'll never stop. And as my friend and your friend, if you live in this Cadre sphere, Jclipphold says, or if you haven't heard it, you'll hear it.

Let's not use the word just right. That's how he talks about it. Don't use the word just because the word just can't negate the power of something. I am going to use the word just today. JC. So sorry, buddy. Morning, Anna. I'm going to use the word just today. Good morning, Shonuff. Nice to see you. I'm glad you're here. So I'm going to use the word just today when I talk about biting my nails incredibly, intentionally. Okay? So for those of you who don't know me, who, if I haven't met you, I'm Shannon.

I'm not a therapist. I'm a human who lives with anxiety, CpTSD. I have a child with special needs, and I've been in therapy for, like, eight years. And so my role, my self appointed role in this kaijuosphere is to share my experience as a human, just what I've learned and how that could be helpful to you. And hopefully it is. So today it is. Hello, I'm Shannon. I bite my nails. I'm gonna show you my nails. Okay? Here they are. They're really, really short. And I think what I said in my description is why I'll never stop.

All right, so, as a woman, if any of you are women, some of you clearly are, you know that in society, women, it's nice. It's nice. I'll say, we've been socialized. The story is like, hey, take care of yourself, right? Get your hair done, do your nails. Do all of these things, and that's normalized. And I will say, oh, Beth, you also bite your nails. Thank you. I'm so glad you're here. I will say that when I was growing up, my mom had beautiful nails. And I remember I have these vivid memories of sitting in church with my mom, looking at her hands, because she just had, like, really strong, always painted, like, these gorgeous nails.

And I was always like, God, look at those nails. I think it's interesting, too, like church for me. I have these memories in my head of church and the women that would come on Sunday, and they were dressed up. They looked beautiful, right? Well, I bite my nails again. You can see I'm going to show you so up close. I've always bitten my nails. Anxiety. People with anxiety sometimes bite their nails. There's actually this organization called Habit aware. Her name is Anila. She's this amazing human who, honestly is, like, a mental health idol of mine.

She created something that helps you stop. It's a wearable that helps you stop biting your nails. So I try. I have tried to stop biting my nails in life at various times. I'm 47 years old. JC, you said your partner bites his nails. Yeah, right. A lot of us do. When I got married, I tried to stop biting my nails. So I've done it my entire life. I've always done it. I tried to stop. I remember getting married and thinking, this is a weird narrative, a, I needed my hands to look beautiful that day, right?

Like, I have a ring, and there's so much focus on, like, how you show up. And I thought, like, okay, I'm a woman now. I'm a woman now. I'm a married woman woman now. I need to be this way. I need to have, like, these nails that are, like, women nails and not these nails, which are like little kid nails. And I tried, and I did it successfully. So for my first marriage, I had beautiful nails. And then I started biting my nails again, like, two months later, after the wedding. And I remember being like, God, what is wrong with me?

Like, why can't I just be the woman who has beautiful nails? Like, why can't I be that person? And there have been many times in my professional life, when you sit at a table, right, with people and your hands are on the table. I've always been in sales and marketing, and I'm always sitting face to face with people, having communication. Your hands are on the table. You put a contract on the table, you slide it over, right. My hands look like this. I also don't wear a ton of jewelry. I used to, but I don't.

So I have the hands of a person who is anxious, and I have the hands of a person who, like, does stuff outside. I have the hands of a person who's incredibly clean, human. I shower all the time, and my nails still look like this. Okay. So why does this matter? Beth, thank you for sharing all of this. You've been biting your nails since you were a toddler. Yeah, I've tried the fake nails as well. And eventually, here's what happened. And some of this took seven years of therapy, which is right. I don't care about my nails anymore.

And that's actually not totally true. I don't care about my nails anymore enough to put the energy into making them look like they're supposed to look. Do I sometimes not like how they look? Yes. Do I sometimes think I just should go get a pedicure or a manicure and make them look better? Yes. When I think about my values and my priorities in the world is that feeling, that moment of like, eh, I don't love how they look enough to take me away from something else that I value more. It's not. It's not.

That's something I have come to in my own life to say. For me, I can deal with my hands looking like this. I can deal with my nails looking like this, because what I've decided is that my value of the other things I bring to the world mean that it's okay for my hands to look like this. Now, I will tell you that my hair, I'm not that same way. I spend too much money on my hair, and it matters to me. That's fine. And that's what I've decided. And so why I say I will not change that part of me is because I have, for me, decided that that story of being a woman and having those beautiful, beautiful nails like my mother did in church is not my story.

And I've learned that I have value in other ways and that I still believe that people with beautiful nails have freaking beautiful nails. And that's awesome. And I would love to be that person. And also, I'm not. And that's okay, too. Beth says you stopped going, getting your nails done, and they're very short, nail polished stickers. That's great. And, Beth, what you figured out is that for you, you might be like, hey, I don't want to bite my nails all the time. And that's freaking beautiful, because that's what works for you, I think.

For me, I've just decided that I'll deal with it. I'll deal with the narrative, and it is what it is. And if someone in the world finds that my bitten nails disqualify me from whatever happens in life, then that's great. We just don't have the same values. That's beautiful. I bite my cuticles also, Beth. I bite everything. It's just the deal. I will also tell you that a few weeks ago, someone said that I had beautiful hands. And I was like, thank you, because they are my hands. And thank you for thinking they're beautiful, because that means you think that I am beautiful, because that is me.

That's great. JC says many paths to fullness, beauty, uniqueness, power. 100% yes. 100% yes. So I am Shannon. I will always bite my nails. Sometimes I'll be like, oh, God, I wish I didn't bite my nails. And I will always bite my nails, and I am unashamed. So, Beth, thank you for saying that you bite your nails and for being unashamed of the fact that you are who you are, because you, Beth, are beautiful as a nail biter. JC, your partner is a beautiful nail biting partner. So let's celebrate it. Right?

All right, friends, that's it. Yeah. Anna, thank you. Those beauty standards. Ps. Ana, you have beautiful hands. So I'm just saying that. Beautiful nails. All right, guys, thanks for being here. I will see you next week. We're going to talk about more things we're not supposed to talk about. If you have something that you would love for us to talk about that we're not supposed to talk about it, put it in our community feed. We love doing things that we're not supposed to do, so we'll do more of it.

Beth, you have a beautiful day, too. Anna, love everybody out there in the Cadre sphere. Thank you for being here, and we will see you soon on Cadre. Bye, guys. Have a great day.