Things We Aren’t Supposed To Talk About

Cadres fear. Good morning. It is Shannon. It is Tuesday morning in St. Paul. I came to you yesterday live from outside. It is not as nice today. I'll show you. I'll show you my neighborhood. It's a little more gray, and that's okay. That's more normal for St. Paul on January, whatever day it is, January 29 or 30th. So welcome. It's good to see you. Today we're talking about things we aren't supposed to talk about. Human experiences that can be hard to navigate and just sort of talking about them out loud so that we don't feel shame when we go through things that are perfectly normal.

So today's topic is hot off the press for me. And so what it is, is, is what do we do when someone tells us something about ourselves that we don't like? When we disappoint someone, it's gonna happen. We're all gonna disappoint people. Personally, professionally, we will disappoint people. Joe Bajoy. Good morning. Yay. I'm glad to see you. I love your double exclamation marks. JC Lippold. What a topic. I know, and I'm being really real in that I am fighting this right now, my battle internally on this external, on this external time with you guys.

So I disappointed someone today. I got some feedback today that I disappointed someone, I didn't meet their expectations. And I'm just gonna kinda narrate it real time, because this is the reality of, well, and for those of you who don't know me, I'm not a clinician, I'm a human who's been in therapy for eight years. Eight years. I have anxiety, I have CPTSD, I have a kid with special needs. So it's really like my version of navigating the world. So that's all this is. But I want to just. Hi, Katie.

I want to just articulate it for you really real time, like in the last 45 minutes, so I can show you how I am desperately trying to and semi 68% successfully applying what I learned in therapy to navigate disappointing people. Because if any of you are people pleasers, it is so hard when you disappoint people. Honestly, it makes me burn inside. I hate making people upset. Part of my CPTSD is that that essentially means you grow up in a place where there's not a lot of emotional safety. And so you wanna make people happy.

So I wanna make someone happy. And today I learned that I did not. And I had a good conversation about it with this person, and we were able to be both calm and collected and kind to each other. And in that moment, they shared with me something, their feelings of how something happened, and they wished it wouldn't have happened that way. And we had already talked about it, right? A little bit. And I said back to that person, and this is therapy at play, right? In real time, I said back to that person, you know, you're allowed to have that experience.

I'm not gonna tell you that what you experienced wasn't real for you, because it was. Because that's what you felt. And it's not in my. It's not my job to tell you what you feel or don't feel. And then also what you want to articulate or don't want to articulate. I can't control it. I might hate it. And I did, and I do. As they were sharing with me their point of view, I was like, oh, my God, I'm so uncomfortable. Because, Katie, you're the biggest people pleaser on the planet. Yeah. It's like wearing a sweater.

I know I use this analogy sometimes. I talk about an itchy sweater. Sometimes when you wear an itchy sweater, you're like, oh, my God, get this thing off me. Like, my arms, my my neck, everything around me feels horrible. Get it off. That's how I felt in that moment. And that is how I feel when people. When I disappoint people and friends, they're allowed to have their experience. They're allowed to have their point of view on the world, and what happened for them was true for them. So what I am working hard to do right now in this moment is to say, and just, I'm gonna actually be really honest.

I did sort of check my work, meaning there were actions that I didn't take, that that person wished I would have took. And I went back through. I had to, like, tell myself the story of, like, wait, I did this. I did this. I did this, sort of like, but, but. And then I finally have to say, okay, that energy isn't valuable for anyone. It doesn't matter. Instead, I can say, that was their interpretation. I did 89% my best. Meaning, there was one moment in that whole exercise where I was like, I could have done that better.

And I'm a human, and so I'm not always gonna do things right, and I might do 89%, and 89% is 89%. And so that's it. So how I am navigating, disappointing someone in this real time with you, Katie, Jc Jobajoy. Thank God you guys are here with me is to say out loud to myself and to you right now that people have their experiences and I will not make everyone happy, and I will do my best. And I had a learning, and there's a moment that I can say, yep, I can do that better, and I have to move on. And so I am moving on with you.

All right now. You're actually helping me to move on and put my energy into something that is positive, and that's what I'm doing. So, you guys, thank you for letting me do this with you. Thank you for letting me say this to you right now. It's helping. So my thought to you is, if something happens, if you disappoint someone, don't beat yourself up, don't beat that other person up. Your experience is valid. Their experience is valid, and that's all we can do. And then we just move on. Aw. Tropajoy.

You just really. Thank you. You just made me feel so seen. You said love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you, JC, for being proud. Right? We can all do this. We'll do it together. So I am moving on, and I'm moving on and going on with my day now. And it was so good to see all of you, and we will be back here soon. And thank you guys for being here. Have a best day. We'll see you here soon again, my friends. Bye, guys.