The Gift of "Not Getting It ALL Done"

All righty. Hey, everybody. Happy Thursday to you. We'll just wait for a few people to figure out that we are here, wherever here is. I've been doing my mindfulness practice, so I'm like in the spirit of impermanence, we'll be here as long as we are supposed to be here. And that may be for a few minutes or maybe for a few decades. Who knows? Everybody. I am Miss Shannon. I am a comedian, corporate speaker event Mc based here in the Twin Cities. Primarily, I am an autism mom. Hello, Sandy's mom. Hello.

Thanks for joining us. Primarily, I am the mom of a adorable 16 year old boy who happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum. Hello, Miss Kyle. Check out Colleen this morning. I encourage you to go and find what she did. Also, you can always, you know, the best thing about. Hi. Additional Shannon, the best thing about the Cadre up in my humble esteem is to. Hello, Luke. Is that you can just kind of like surf through all of the content depending on where you are in your journey of the moment.

So if you need to find some commonality or some community, this is a great place to start until you can maybe tap into your in real life resources. So we encourage you to just pop around through here. That's part of the way that I use it. End cap of our live content on caregiver Thursdays because I finished talking to you, then I do my last bit of adulting that I get to before I go pick up my son at school. And this has been a day like, I just got like, some additional news that's going to add a bunch of things to my plate right before I went live and all done.

And the reason I thought that that would be appropriate, especially when we are talking to our caregivers, is that if you're like me, you have a long list of things that you intend to get done. And more often than not, that list continues to grow more than it ever shrinks. And there might be some things that you roll off of, but there's always another thing to add to it. And if you also suffer from type a hypothetical mode, I'm not getting anything done. And it just feels like you're not moving forward.

And especially when you have other things in your life that are continually repositioning what you have going on, like I do. And I just want to just be honest because that's something that we could do in this Cadre sphere is talk about honesty. I have my expectations shirt, which we can know from our friend and encanto that sometimes those expectations are massive, and so you have to figure out a way to reframe your expectations. It's interesting, as a single mom in this autism space, just how hard I am on myself about not getting everything done.

And last week I had a checkup, just a doctor's checkup. Nothing was seriously wrong, but this is what came out of it. So I went down, I sat down, and the nurse comes in with the blood pressure monitor and starts taking my blood pressure. And she says, your blood pressure is a little high. And all I can do is look at the things that I try to get done throughout the week. The fact that I'm trying to do 80 hours of work in 40 hours and try and squeeze that in and also be the most stellar mom that could ever happen, trying to make sure that I get everything as well.

Hey, Alec, thanks for joining to let go of trying. My blood pressure was a little high and she tried to give me a mulligan on it. So she's like, I literally had to tell her. I was like, never mind, because now I can literally my chest and the cortical leave space to do as a caregiver. And as much as we say it, we probably often don't do. So, you know, one thing, a little pat on the back for myself today as we are doing this particular live stream, you know what that means? Doesn't mean it's a have to, just because it's a should.

It's a should. I can make the want and that's something that I encourage you to do. We'll get to that. Because that should pile. That's really difficult, you know, kind of thing. But my mental health practitioner, she was talking to me about should and how should starts with for a reason, just like shoulders. And that should pile can be a weight on your shoulders instead of things that actually move you forward. The wants, sometimes those are the things that should be the needs. Maybe you were sitting there and talking yourself out of something you want because you feel selfish.

Maybe you're talking yourself out of something you want because it feels like you're being narcissistic. Maybe it feels like a luxury, something that shouldn't be important to you because it's a want. And especially if you grew up in certain. In certain parts of our country or in certain parts of our community where you kind of were taught that wanting things is a negative, that wanting certain things means that you are not being a servant leader, that you're not putting the people that you should be putting first because you're doing something that you want.

And I challenge you on that. I challenge you on that. That maybe sometimes the things that you want really are the things that you need. They might be something that your body is telling you that you need. It might be something like, okay, are you hydrating enough? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you giving yourself that hug that you need that maybe you're giving to the other people in your circle, but you need it just as much and somebody's not giving it back to you. Maybe that's not a want.

Maybe it's a need. Because if you wonder who those people are that buy all those live, laugh, love things and all of these things, I have all these quotes all over. I'll show you eventually as we continue getting to know each other. I have all these quotes all over my house. I'm those people. Like, when you see those, how many people buy these things that say, friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but you know they're always there. I have about seven of those throughout my house. All different varieties and sizes and all of those things.

I collect them like Pokemon cards because they inspire me and they help me take a breath and to give myself a moment to just really reframe sometimes. So one of my favorite ones was, I'm going to say it right, is good moms have sticky floors and dirty ovens and happy kids. Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids. So maybe you are a good mom. Maybe you are a good caretaker. Maybe your floor is sticky. Maybe your oven is still dirty. Hopefully it's not so dirty that you set off the fire alarm every time you turn it on.

But if your kids are happy, that's important. If the people that you're caring for are happy, that's important. And the thing that is also important is that you are happy. Because if you fry yourself, who do they have? So if you're going to put some weight on your shoulders, put that weight on would start reframing the fact that your happiness, doing some of the wants that you need, put that into the position of, the more that I do this, the more I am giving to the people that I am caring for. Giving yourself that warm hug, that chance to go and reset.

Maybe it's just walking outside sometimes and taking a deep breath because your kid or the person that you're taking care of is just working your nerves. And they can't help it. They don't mean to, they just might. But giving yourself that moment to step away so that you can keep your light switch on so that you can help make better decisions, so you can help give them better care, so that you can give them care for a longer period of time. That is important. Thank you, Doctor Charryse. I appreciate it seeing Doctor Charryse here in the app as well.

So thank you very much. So it's important to really look at, looking at the things that you want, sometimes less, as a luxury, especially your mental health, your physical health, all those things. It's not always a bad thing to give yourself time to work on those things. My particular challenge that I'm working right now, I used to be, before I had my son, I played a lot of sports. I was at sports lady, and I, like, played all sports in high school and college, and I even used to play on the women's professional football team here in the twin cities.

And I miss it. I miss it. But it did not fit my lifestyle once I got married and became a parent. And it doesn't fit my lifestyle now as a single mom at all. That doesn't really fit in. But I can figure out a way that I get that taste of what I need. So I'm one of those people, like, you know, when I do have time to go to the gym, that's one of my freeing spaces. And my particular goal right now is a two. Two. I want to be able to do a legitimate push up. I mean, pull up. A legitimate pull up, because I think that that is a functional skill that we will need an apocalypse, because who are people that get eaten in the apocalypse?

The people that cannot get over that wall. So you need to be able to lift your body weight over that wall. So that is my first goal. My second goal is I've been doing Barbell lifts. And so I've been doing squat thrusts. I'm not going to show you them today because this is a pg 13 one. You can follow me on the socials and I'll show you when I put them over there. But I want to be in the 200 pound club. And for me, not only is this physicality important for my mental health, but it's important for my physical health and it's important for the way that I interact with my son.

I have a 16 year old kid. He's already in the dysregulation phase as a 16 year old. But then you add in the overlay of being high supports on the autism spectrum. Sometimes what he needs is an aggressive hug. Sometimes what he thinks I need is an aggressive hug. And I've thought about this. Like, if this kid laid down on top of me. He's like 510, 265. I need to not only pull myself over that wall to get away from those zombies, but I need to roll this kid off of me because he thinks that this is hilarious and he's squishing mom.

So what's your want? What's your want? That should be a need. So if you could think about that for the rest of this week, you know, give yourself a little time to move some of those things that have been in that last position, move them forward a little bit. I would encourage you to take that entire bucket of wants and move that into that second position. But I don't want to over task you. We're just getting to know one another. It might be too much for you to go. I can't do that. I have years of generational trial.

You know, start by giving yourself an extra 15 minutes, just a buffer time in between things that you're doing for the people that you care for and the people to turn into an hour. That hour turn into whatever it is that you need so that you can manage to care for them and then also care for yourself because you are important. So I'm going to tell you again, good moms, and we can say it this way instead, good human beings, good caregivers, have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy people that they care for.

I am going to go a little shorter this week than I normally do because I'm going to go do some laundry that does include not only my son's, but mine because working on those pull ups can get really sweaty. But make sure you check in with us tomorrow as we continue our content as we move into Fridays, where we have our focus on supporting our grieving friends. You can do that. And I know that there is a con also. And there are so many wonderful people in this app that are sharing a variety of stories.

Thank you again, Doctor Charryse. There's a variety of stories that are here. And so wherever you are in the journey, hopefully we can help you get to that next step and give you what you need at that moment to go, you know what? I'm not alone. I can figure this out. There's some other people that are going through the same thing as I am, and they can communicate to me in a way that I need to hear right now. So we appreciate all of you. You can go ahead and pass this on to your friends in the replay.

We're going to be here every Thursday for caregiver third, just like we're here for each other. So enjoy the rest of your week, everybody. Talk to you soon.