Expired Mindsets 🧠 w/ Dr.Charryse: “Facing Our Hard”

Katra sphere, what is up? It's Wednesday, and on Wednesday, you and I have an opportunity to join together. This is expired mindsets with Doctor Charryse. And if this is your first time here, I'm glad you're in the space. If you are a regular in this space, whether live or on replay. Welcome back. And I hope you've had a phenomenal week so far. Let's start the week with two. Two things. One, where are you? Because if you're also on vacation, I'm interested in that. I'm excited about that. I'll live vicariously through you.

Anchoring question of the day. At any given moment, we are either going into, in the middle of or coming out, out of a difficult moment. Which one are you today? Going into, coming out of or in the middle of a difficult moment? Let me know your answer while letting me know where you are, and then we'll go from there. What's up, Charleston? What's up, South Carolina? Because I know, you know, people are different. I think I may have missed where some other people are anchoring. Question of the morning.

How are you? Where are you? Are you going into, in the middle of or coming out of a difficult situation? Ken, what's up? Hope you are doing well. Everyone have a little something. What's up, South Jersey? All right, focus of today. Anytime we are in life, we're going to have challenges, we're going to have struggles. And what we say to ourselves through those struggles are key. What's up, Buffalo? What's up, Virginia? So one of the things that we may often say to ourselves is I can't deal with this.

So that's the mindset that I want us to address and look at right now. Hello, Michigan. What's up, Kelly? Good to see you. So I can't deal with this right now. And when that happens, what do you do? So the focus, if you looked at the title, is facing our hard for some of you, this is going to be spot on, but for others of you, this will be something that you use in the future. Why do we need face our hard, why is it important to our mindset and our mental health? And what's a strategy that we can use in, in order to navigate it?

Let's get into it. So one of the things I want you to keep in mind is that one of our greatest attributes is our psychological strength. We all have it, but it is either activated or deactivated based on your, our emotional state. Emotional state will either activate psychological strength or deactivate psychological strength. So if you feel like, well, why can't I get through this situation better? Why am I not choosing myself? Why am I not motivated? Because even motivation can be connected to that whole thought of, I can't deal with this caveat, but it'll make sense to a lot of you.

When we abandon ourselves and the way that we want to treat ourselves accordingly, according to our values, whether we're audibly saying it or not, we're essentially acting on the mindset. I can't deal with this. Today's hard truth. I'm going to take a sip before I say this. You don't have a choice in life to constantly avoid difficult moments. We have to understand the importance, the necessity, and that we have the ability to face our hard. I'm going to stop talking for 20 seconds, and I want you to consider for a moment, is there any area of your life where you're not fully facing the hard or the challenge?

That could be a very immediate situation, but it could also just be a personal area where you're like, I've kind of put that on pause and told myself, I can't deal with that right now. Now please get what I'm saying doesn't mean that you have to dive headfirst into every difficult situation all the time, every day. There are some moments where you have to prioritize where you place your focus. But as a whole, what I want you to recognize and understand is anything that we don't deal with will deal with us.

Anything that we don't deal with will eventually deal with us in some capacity. So one of the most challenging things that we can say to ourselves is, I can't deal with this. Which cues that negativity in the brain. When we struggle to deal with certain dynamics, it can be, for a lot of reasons, they're complicated. It involves people that are difficult. It's a very layered and laborious situation. But what I want to focus on, because this is about you, us, personal, is where does the presence of an undisciplined mind impact?

Where is that impacting your ability to navigate any area of your life? So I want to define undisciplined mind. An undisciplined mind struggles to manage emotions from moment to moment. Let me sip and say this. If you over compartmentalize your emotions, if you stuff your emotions and never show them, that's not managing your emotions. The absence of emotion, powering through and ignoring it is not managing your emotions. We call that in the world of psychology. Sip. Zip. Emotional avoidance or an avoidant attachment if it involves another person.

So you want to balance. How is my mindset helping me to either activate psychological strength to get through this situation, or how is my mind in a place of an undisciplined dynamic, which is deactivating my psychological strength and my ability to face my hard? Trust me when I say I don't enjoy facing hard, but it is going to come whether we like it or not. And a big part of maintaining our mental fitness, our mental health, is knowing how to work through difficult moments. It's easy to have great mental health when everything is going well.

That's. That's not the challenge. But where we often lack skills is our awareness and our ability to have a disciplined mind through chaotic moments. Question four, reflection. What is my mind like through challenging moments? I really want you to answer that, because if you're in this kind of coasting utopia at the moment, you may feel very disconnected from this topic. But I want you to go there and think about the last really challenging moment that you had, or even the quiet, subtle actions that are real and relevant in your life.

And what is your mind like when you're going through a very challenging moment? And notice, if you say things like, I ignore things, I just focus on what I need to, I just push through. Or what we also know is that an undisciplined mind is highly vulnerable to circumstances, which means that you will struggle to maintain a sense of peace and harmony when the circumstances in your life change. An undisciplined mind also reacts to challenges with fear or one of fear's derivatives. I'll give you two derivatives of fear that are often overlooked.

A derivative of fear that is often not connected is anger. If you get really activated, or you have somebody in your life that is extremely activated, then you're going to find that that is rooted in fear. Thank you. Speak wonder. You're so sweet. The other derivative of fear that, again, isn't often connected is withdrawing. Shutting down is not a coping skill. I'm gonna take a sip because that's gonna hurt some hearts. Shutting down. I can't deal with this right now. I'm just gonna go get busy.

I'm gonna go over, compensate and focus on something else. I'm gonna go for a twelve mile run. Even though today is only supposed to be two. I'm going to undereat. Overeat? Like those things don't equate to a disciplined mind. Now, I'll be honest and say most people do not like the word discipline. But here's why I am choosing to use it. The word discipline is derived from the word disciple. You may have feelings towards that word, but stay with me. One meaning of disciple is open to growth. So when we look at it that way, an undisciplined mind is not open to growth.

It is determined to continue to do things one specific way, regardless of the consequence. Then it gets frustrated when the situation doesn't change or get better. Whereas a disciplined mind is open to growth, is open to finding and adapting new ways of thinking and being and acting, so that those pathways in the brain have options in the middle of challenge instead of this is what I've always done. Why is it not working? That's what we see when a lot of people feel stuck, when they feel like they're in situations that the same things keep happening.

There is some element there of not being open to growth so that you can move in a different direction, which is going to sometimes be uncomfortable but necessary. So for some of us, facing our hard becomes more difficult than it needs to be. Because we are the hard. It is us. We make things more challenging than they need to be because we get stuck on. I can't, I won't and I don't have time to. Which are all starters of an undisciplined mind versus how can I look at this differently? What's another way of moving through this?

Where can I reach for help? Because this feels like too much for me alone right now. I want you to consider putting in the chat what you often say to yourself. Moment of vulnerability when things are difficult. And I'm going to think, even for myself, what my initial automatic statement may be when I'm not like in the zone, using all my own skills, I would say my natural thought just very clearly reactive when things get hard right now in this season is typically, I am so tired of hard. That's. That's me.

I'm not asking you to share your statement out of judgment, out of shame, but out of opportunity, right. For us to all acknowledge we've all been there or we're all there right now, and to give voice to that reality and to words. And give words to someone who may be struggling. But I will often say like, I am so tired of hard. When will this be over? Right? So when you're in that place, whether you're coming into a difficult situation in the middle of one and coming out of one, or you know that you're about to face hard, what do you do?

So I came up with this little four part practice called nope. N stands for notice. When you are complaining about anything, it is okay for us to be frustrated with something. I am not saying don't ever complain. That is not reality. But notice when you are complaining about something is your opportunity to heighten your awareness when you are complaining about everything. And that's your life lens. If your life lens is what awful thing is about to happen, what awful thing happened to you in the past that's going to happen to you in the future?

And then analyzing what everyone else is doing and speaking to that, that's an undisciplined behavioral pattern or undisciplined thought pattern. So notice o own your current emotional state. And for some of you who show a different outward state than your inward state, I want you to make sure that you're owning both, not just what you show the world, but what's inside that only you see. You have to own your emotional state and take responsibility. We have to take responsibility for what's happening internally because it will eventually show up in everything that we say and do and our interactions with other people.

P Practice changing the content of your thinking. So once you notice, oh, I'm being special today and I can hear it and I'm owning I'm aware, then you literally want to practice choosing to think differently. Our mind has the ability to choose. There is no spell, there is no dynamic that comes on you and forces you to think negatively. It is choice and habit. And just like we choose to allow that tough, negative mindset to be fueled, we can also choose to change it. What does that look like? Let's say that your mindset is, I can't deal with this, and you're noticing that, and that is making you want to back away and not address things.

So practicing changing the content of that mindset would be, we need to get rid of anything that's finite, which is the word can't. So then you move to neutral or positive. A neutral statement would be, I don't want to deal with this, but I am capable. Right? And you've kept the acknowledgement of this as hard, but you've added something on that moves you towards a place of hope and psychological strength. I can't deal with this. I don't want to deal with this, but I'm capable. That would be an example of practicing the redirection of the content and the quality of your thinking.

And then e is expect yourself to redirect your response. Expect it out of yourself. When we create expectations, we rise to them. So you don't want to just be aware of it and go, well, this is just how it is. The people in my life, they have to understand I'm going through a difficult time. No, they don't. They actually don't. And even if they understand it, our difficult moments. Let me take another sip. Does not give us the right or a free pass to then hurt or harm other people, because we're not owning our hard.

You may even have somebody in your life, I'll say that, that because they don't deal with their hard, it makes it more difficult for you. Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing that you can do with that. Nothing at all. That's funny, Audrey. I didn't even think about that. But it fits in a lot of areas. Audrey, for those of you who can't see, it says, this is sounding a lot like inspired mindsets, but in essence, it can. It's another lens, another way of looking through it and recognizing that what we believe and what we think is always going to play us significance part.

And I want to encourage you today, as a final thought, that you are capable of facing your hard. And when you face your hard, it creates so much strength for you mentally, for you physically, and for you spiritually. Depending upon where you anchor yourself in terms of your faith. That is an area where we also have the ability to access something else, in addition, a secret sauce on top of our traditional biological and neurobiological skill. All that being said, face your heart, whatever that is, in whatever area of your life where you feel stuck, afraid, upset, or overwhelmed.

Practice nope. And allow yourself to work through it in a positive way. Because the more you do that, the more you'll believe in your ability to do so. Throughout the rest of the day, there will be several Cadre providers and creators that will continue to talk about mental wellbeing. So pop back in. Of course, you can pop back in anytime, but pop back in today if you feel like you need a little boost. I think lives are great. They're always incredible and amazing. I hope you have a phenomenal day, and I will see you on Friday.

Have a good one.