Your Voyage is Your Story

We are live. Alright, friends, let me start out by saying cell phone service has been sketchy where I live because of some storms that came through and affected our local tower. But I do believe I'm streaming. If someone could reach out and give me some love, I'll know for sure that I'm here in the cadres fair. My name is Kathy Joy. My handle is speak wonder, and I. My goal is to embrace you as a caregiver and to be a harbor pilot of sorts, to be a voice that you come home to when you've been at sea and maybe you've had a good day and maybe you've lost your compass.

I want to be here for you and let you know that you are supported and your story is held. There's a children's book titled will you hold my story? And the star of the story is a little girl named Maggie Beth. Hi, Shannon. I see you. I'm definitely streaming. Yay. Thanks for the validation, and thanks for your life. I think I mentioned in my comments to you, Shannon, and to the Cadre sphere that what I have to say today kind of dovetails with what you're saying about people giving advice when they don't know the whole story.

So in this book, little Maggie Beth is carrying a burden. Once there was a little girl named Maggie Beth who carried her story all by herself. It was sad and it was heavy. She grew weary of holding it all the time. Her arms ached, her feet were blistered. She sat on the step and longed for somebody to sit with her to ease her burden. So there's Maggie. That's the beginning of the book. Will you hold my story? So passersby come in, and some of them have things to say to Maggie. What she really wants as a little girl with big feelings is for someone to sit with her and hold her story.

That's all she needs, and often that's all we need. So again, with the imagery of coming home from sea, you're sailing into harbor, your pilots are waiting for you. Those people, those influencers, those Cadre people, those friends, the children who hug on you. If you got them in your life to let you know that you're doing your best, you're doing all right, and they want to receive you well. So I guess if my talk today is directed to anybody, it would be to the person listening. Listening is such an invaluable resource.

That seems like we have too little of the idea of simply actively listening, because that's difficult, isn't it? Staying engaged in somebody's story silently is hard work. I think as humans, we like to move the air around. We like to fill the gaps with words because we're uncomfortable. When have you been to awake or a viewing or funeral and you've wanted to talk to the person grieving or person's grieving? Things fall out of your mouth. They just want your silent support. And of course, some well chosen words are fine.

You don't have to worry or edit what you're going to say to the people who are suffering a loss. However, your silence is probably the best gift you can give, and that's true in the caregiving world, is just listening without reframing the story, without trying to repair it, and basically, without repeating your own story. We often want to reframe someone else's story by telling ours. Sometimes that's not the time to do that. Sometimes it's the time to sit silently and hold vigil with a person and give them that gift of simply being there.

Little ones have big feelings, and that's why this book was written. Will you hold my story? Incidentally, I'm the author. There's my by line, Kathy Joy. Will you hold my story? A story about grief, yes, but burdens more. And it's for littles with big feelings and also grown ups, because we all have big feelings and we're all carrying them. And how do we manage that? So let's resist the idea of reframing, of repeating your own story or repairing what I say. Reframe, don't reframe, don't repair, and don't repeat your own story, because the gift you're giving is silent vigil.

You're holding someone's story literally. And you know, sometimes it comes to you that someone is keeping watch over your story because of theirs. Example. Doctor Charryse Johnson gave a talk the other day here on the Cadre, and she was talking about people who want to rescue, and what kind of background does a rescuer have? And she started describing that. And in this big epiphany, I recognized my late husband, Roger. He was always in rescue mode. And some of the things that Doctor Charryse mentioned were spot on, that I had not recognized about my husband and wished I'd have known then, and I might have had more understanding, more bandwidth to hold his stories.

When I realized why he was always in repair mode, fixing things and people, the situations. God love him for doing it. I understand now some of what was behind it, because I tuned into the Cadre and I heard doctor Charisse describing people who repair, and she described my dear husband, who I miss. And so in that moment in time, she was holding my story, and that was a gift. She was describing something that helped me a great deal. When your people are out at sea, meaning the people that you are surrounding with your love and your support, welcome them back to the dock.

Let them get out of the boat. They might have swashbuckling stories to relate. They might have a good catch that day. Or maybe they lost their compass, and maybe they were overwhelmed by the vastness of the sea that they're in, the sea of caregiving or navigating waters they've not navigated before, filling out forms that are just like foreign language, talking to other parents or support systems in the education system, in the counseling system. There's so many variables that come into play that are difficult to navigate.

And it's important to silently keep watch. That is an activity. Sitting in the silence is active, vibrant, important, winsome, and beautiful. Thank you for being with me on this talk. And I will be gathering beach glass next Thursday and sharing some gems that I've collected from the sphere. Basically quotable quotes that I've jotted down in my many journals, one of which says, Cadre. As a matter of fact, it says, I break for Cadre. So, beach glass. We'll be gathering that next week. Hold someone's story.

Keep watch with them. Jules, thank you for being here. Thank you for what you said, my insights. You guys are the best. Yeah. I never know how to say goodbye. Thank you for holding my story, for welcoming me into the Carter sphere as someone who just wants to make meaningful connections and who enjoys connecting with you every day. Be blessed. Be well. Hold silence for someone and see what happens.