When we relapse into old, ineffective coping mechanisms it can allow shame to creep in. Shame is a cycle and keeps you in a place of low self-worth and feeling you are a failure. Break the shame cycle by allowing yourself grace and forgiveness.
The author used old coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Instead of using the coping mechanisms she had developed, she went straight for junk food. She told a friend that it's okay that she made a mistake. Give yourself more grace and forgiveness.
Who here has stressful family? I do. I had the opportunity to go on a vacation with my family last week, and to be honest, it was a little stressful. I love my family dearly, and they can also bring me a little bit of stress. It was not my proudest moment as well. I definitely used some old coping mechanisms. I drank quite a bit, and I eat junk food, and I thankfully have never struggled with overeating or alcohol to the point where I needed treatments. But I can tell you that I've definitely abused food and alcohol many times in my life where I've, you know, had periods where I drank every day pretty heavily.
So I'm pretty conscious of how I use alcohol because I have a tendency to abuse it when I'm using it as a coping mechanism. I use it to numb, I use it to escape. And that's what I did with stress. So instead of using the coping mechanisms that I have developed and worked on, I went straight for those when I was under stress. And I can tell you that when I got back from this vacation, I beat myself up for days about it. One, I just felt physically horrible because I've been eating super clean and healthy and exercising and really focusing on my health.
So putting that crap in my body felt horrible. I literally just felt sluggish, disgusting. I mean, we're talking, like, rows of oreos here. I don't know if you're one of those who gets the Oreo package, but to me, that's a three serving package. One row is a serving. So we're talking like 15 oreos in a sitting, like, half a bag of doritos, like, stuff that just hasn't touched my body in a long time. And I felt like crap when I got back. It took me days to get that out of my system. And the alcohol I consumed, I mean, I was like.
I was just so dehydrated from drinking as well. And I then sat in a place of shame, like, why did I do that? Why didn't I use my coping mechanisms that I've worked on? Why did I revert back to that? I considered it a relapse for me, and I can tell you that sitting in that shame wasn't helpful either, because I didn't need to beat myself up over it. But I hold myself to such high expectations, and I thought, gosh, really, I haven't come far at all if I'm sitting here beating myself up over this, too.
So then I started getting an ashamed spiral of beating myself up and not being able to actually forgive myself and move on. And interestingly enough, I was talking to a friend on the phone who went through something kind of similar with, you know, family function thing. Drank too much over a course of a couple of days. Like, oh, my gosh, I just needed an escape. And I told her, you know what? It's okay. You're human. You made a mistake. You hopefully will make a better choice next time. And it's okay that you've reverted back to that coping mechanism because you're going to be okay.
And you need to give yourself a little bit more grace and forgiveness and recognize the stress that you were under. And she said, wow, that is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for that permission to forgive myself. And I just thought, interesting, I can give this advice to someone, and yet I can't actually take it myself. But she's the same personality as I am, where she struggles to forgive herself when she makes a mistake. Just, you know, perfectionism. Hold yourself to really high standards.
That's me. And I thought, you know what? I actually think I need to speak those words to myself out loud because that's what I need to hear right now. That's what she needed to hear. She obviously spoke those words back to me, but I thought, I need to speak those to myself so that I can also move on. And so I said, carrie, it's okay. You made a mistake. You made some choices that you're not super proud of. That's okay, because you can make better choices next time. You're human, you're going to make mistakes.
And if you stay in this place of shame, it's not helping you move on. I mean, I'm talking like, I lost days here of sitting in, like, this self hatred and shame for those mistakes that I made. And that doesn't help me move past it at all. That's a form of self punishment, which I thought I deserved, but I really don't because I am so quick to forgive other people when they wrong me, when they make a mistake. And yet, why can't I do that for myself? I hold everybody else to that standard. If I can forgive you, I need to be able to forgive myself, because that's really the only person that matters in the end.
At the end of the day, you're the one that looks at yourself in the mirror. You face you, and you need to learn how to forgive yourself. So if you've made mistakes, if you are tough on yourself like I am, if you could resonate with this personality, I want to give you permission to forgive yourself and move on and recognize that you have an opportunity to make better choices next time. And if you screw up next time, it's okay. Give yourself permission to make mistakes in life, because you will make mistakes.
You're not perfect. You're human. And you're gonna have a much more joyful life if you can learn this process, learn it with me. Tell me how it's going for you. I would love to learn from you guys, too, because you don't need to stay in that place of shame. It's just not worth it. You're going to make mistakes, and it's okay. I give you permission to make mistakes and forgive yourself for it. Thanks for tuning in with me today, guys. God bless.
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