Comedy Through The Chaos

Hello and happy Thursday Cadresphere. I am Ms. Shannon and that is a bleach stain right here on my sweater. So well a detergent stain. And welcome to our Thursday which is a caregiver day here on the Cadre sphere. I will give everybody a chance to catch up. I'm running a couple minutes behind because it was saying something to the effect of node something or other problem something. So hopefully those words didn't really mean anything regarding what we are doing today. But to bring you all up to speed, as I said, I'm Ms.

Shannon Paul. I am a variety of word related things as far as my career goes. I'm also very fortunate to be the mother of adorable 16 year old boy who happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum. And happy to be one of your contributors here on Thursdays which is our caregiver day. I am coming to you from the hub of Minneapolis, Minnesota and it is quite wintry here today. Very, very much the winter that we would normally expect if it was going to be happening here. And I was deciding what to talk about today and what I wanted to talk about is our motivation as caregivers and what drives us and thinking that there are so many things that we do that are for the people that we care for and we care about that we are not always sure that we're gonna be able to get anything back regarding this whole scenario.

And what made me think about that is some things that are of course personal to me as the journey that I have as the mom to my adorable 16 year old who I've mentioned. And today is an interesting day. He is home today. Cause as I said, it is officially wintry. And I decided to calm my anxiety in two ways today. Today was our first official snowfall where we got accumulation of multiple inches. What I don't like doing is driving in the snow and I especially don't like driving in the snow with my kiddo in the car because that makes me incredibly anxious thinking about the concept that we might get stuck somewhere out there or something might happen to us while we are in inclement weather.

So I decided just to make call it a snow day. He could stay home, it's fine, problem solved. Which means I needed to occupy him all day today after I went out and snow blowed the driveway. And while I was out there of course I saw other people that were in the neighborhood who were snow blowing as well. And one of the things that struck me most is my neighbor across the street who was shoveling her driveway and One of the things I think is really interesting is when I see she and her kids out shoveling their driveway and the fact that they don't drive and they don't have a car, but they still do the driveway.

And so regardless of their motivation for doing it, it's something that they still choose to do. And I've talked to the kids before. She has the two sweetest teenage boys. And there was a time that I was helping a group of neighbors dig out one of our other neighbors who was stuck in her driveway. And the kids came over and politely asked if they could help us dig out this lady's car. And they were just the kindest, nicest kids. And it just made me think about talking to them. I've seen them out their shovel.

I've seen them be joyous in the snow and go from shoveling the driveway to making snow angels to having snowball fights. And so a lot of their motivation, because it's not something that they're getting paid for, it's not something that they're getting an immediate benefit to. It's something that they have figured out how to find enjoyment from. And that's how a lot of things that we do as caregivers hopefully manifest for us as well. I just spent a bunch of time winterizing my kiddos. I got him inflatable hot tub over the summer, and he gave him great joy, which gave me great joy to watch him out there splashing around, doing his thing.

And to the point that I'm like, okay, I think you're gonna like this through the winter. Let's figure out how to make you a winter hot tub kit. So I had to buy. I had to use my creativity. I bought one of those bubble domes and put it over it, which I also have a bubble dome over his favorite bench, which is in our front yard, which you can see that I put out there to try and make sure that he has the ability to go outside and enjoy the snow and enjoy the winter and not feel really cooped up. And the fact that it worked, I'm really happy about.

Like yesterday, he decided he's gonna grab a towel and go hang out in the hot tub, which is fabulous. You can just see the steam just billowing out of it. And so I gave myself a little pat on the back. But the thing is, I didn't know when I decided to set up this whole scenario if he was going to use it, if he was going to enjoy it, if all of my efforts were going to be in vain. And that's what a lot of us probably are in that situation where we do a bunch of things for people that we care for and you don't know if it's going to be a value to them, but we do it anyway.

And it's always cool if they do like it, but there's some times that they probably are like, you know, hey, thank you for your efforts. I'm not feeling it. Or they might not even thank us at all, but we still do it. So I encourage all of us to get occasionally do your motivation checks and see what it is and the reasons why you're doing it. I do it because I also get enjoyment of coming up with the plans and the creativity and doing those things. And I'm not always attached to the outcome as far as what my kiddo thinks about it.

You know, I'm like, hey, here's a little puzzle that I get to solve. And hopefully it ends up being a value, you know, to him. But if he's not in the air quotes, grateful for the work that I put in, that's not what's motivating me. And so maybe you need to do that in your life a little bit. Just kind of figure out what those motivational checks are and see how you can continue to fuel yourself even if you are not being refilled by the people that you are caring for. Maybe that's filling that cup with other community members that might be fulfilling that cup with the community members we have here in the Cadre sphere.

And we appreciate you and we'll continue to work on it that way and see how we go. So I don't know on the snowy, blustery day, what I did when I was out there snow blowing, is that I did make a little trail to the hot tub. So if he elects to go out there again today, now that we have 3 to 5 inches of snow, whatever it is, I didn't put a ruler in there. I don't know. I'm sure that one of our meteorologists will tell me exactly how many inches of snow we got here. But if he likes to go out there, he'll be able to get there.

And I have my little spot where I can sit there with my hot chocolate and watch him enjoy himself and therefore enjoy myself as well. This time of year can very difficult, can be very difficult for a lot of us, it's a. A time where there seems to be an expectation of joy, which may not be an expectation that works out for you. If that is the case, we absolutely understand. It also can be a time if you're in a situation like I am, where maybe you're grieving what you thought the scenario was going to be like this year.

Maybe it's grieving the memories of what Happy Holidays used to mean for the people that you were caring for. Maybe it's grieving what you thought your family was going to look like. All of that is completely valid and we are here for you and we see you and we understand. So do your best and that is enough. As we continue this conversation, I'm going to do my best to join you next week. I'm going to be in the midst of a mediation thing that has to do with my son's father and our parenting schedule, and we'll see how that goes.

I hope that it goes smoothly because I would like to get that done. So if you have nosy questions you want to know about that, feel free to let me know and we'll work on it. And also, you can always feel free to let us know if there's something you'd like for us to discuss here in the Cadre sphere. You can hit us up in the chat. We built these communities now so you can put that information in there as well and let us know how we continue to build a space where we can discuss our mental wellness, mental illness, mental health in different ways.

So be well, everybody, and I will see you next week.