Live with Dr.Charryse 🧠: “Your Inner Critic Is Not Your Friend”

Good morning Kaidrosphere. Welcome to live with Dr. Charisse. As you can see, I am in a different location. Traveling this week went from the mountains of Helen, Georgia. Now in Atlanta, semi snowed in because this weather is absolutely bananas. But I'm here and the thing that I love about our space is that it doesn't matter where you are, you can always join and lock in. This is your first time here. I'm so glad that you chose to come and spend a little time with me this morning. Say good morning, good afternoon or good evening depending upon when you're listening to this, let me know where you are in the world.

As I said a moment ago, I am currently in Atlanta, Georgia and let me know how your week is going. We always rate our week midweek. It's our self regulation practice to really identify where are we, we need and what do we need to honor between now and the week ahead. If I had to rate my week, I haven't done this in a long time. I haven't rated myself this high in a long time. 5. It has so far been a fabulous week. Very different week, but a fabulous week. Good morning Dr. Teresa. Good to see you all.

And then we're going to go ahead and get started as you're chiming in and letting us know where you are in the world. I'll always say this as well. It never gets old to me to see where we are all located. There's something very powerful about seeing hello from Buffalo. Oh, I bet it's cold up there. You know that you can be in like mind with people from all over the place and it's an opportunity to meet. And I love it as well because then when I go into cities it gives me an opportunity, hello Jersey.

To be able to say oh, I've never heard of Sugar Grove in Pennsylvania. I love gives us an opportunity or gives me an opportunity to be like hey, who's in town? Do you want to meet? Coffee as you wait your week, Gwen. Nothing wrong with having a wine, right? Like sometimes it's like that. What it does is if you notice that your. Oh, it's negative one here. I thought you were saying your weekly rating was 1. Wow, I will not complain. It's like 18 here and it got into the snow but negative 1. If you notice that your week, your rating, your self regulation check isn't where you want it.

Part of one of the application pieces from here is to then go, what do I need to do in order to maintain or improve where I Am it's our opportunity to not look at our life as this. Oh, it's a rough week and there's nothing I can do about it. You can always do something to shift your week in any way that you wanted. Yes, Gwen. I was like, oh, she's having a really bad week. I don't think we've ever had a negative. That's okay. If it's freezing where you are, just for a quick survey, give me some hearts.

Because I've got friends in Florida who just showed me that at the Florida sign there's snow. And they're like, what is happening? I've got friends in Mississippi who near the Mississippi river are showing snow. So if it's super cold where you are, show me some hearts or some kind of emoji. Because I'm just getting a gauge of. Are we all freezing together? And it's kind of sad. Fires on one side, freezing on the other. Oh, it's a lot. Good morning. Speak Wonder. All right, I want to talk today about your inner critic.

We all have one, right? The brain is bent towards negativity bias. It is always looking to make us healthy. Hello from Atlanta. So there is always going to be a level of inner criticism and our inner critic will be there. Some of us are very aware of our inner critic. It is very loud. It is very prevalent. Some of us have done work towards challenging our inner critic. And while it may still be there, you don't notice it as much. But I also want to capture those of you who may have a more subtle inner critic that comes about in a very different way, meaning you don't always recognize it.

For you, it might be, oh, I'm just really tough on myself. I like a good challenge. How you look at it is very different. But I want you to acknowledge if you're comfortable. We all have an inner critic. And if we're not careful, our inner critic will guide the way we show up. It will guide the risks we take. It will impact our personal growth and development, the relationships that we stay in the. But most importantly, your inner critic is not your friend. It is not a companion. It is not a guide for you.

An inner critic undermines our well being and it's often rooted in guilt, doubt and uncertainty. I was talking to one of my younger kind of coaching clients and she and I had a really great conversation that kind of led me to this being a really good discussion. She said, you know, her belief at the time was that when you feel guilty about something that it's always a sign that you're about to do the wrong thing. And I said, well, that's a really interesting perspective. Here's another perspective to consider that guilt, something that comes from our inner critic, is not always a sign.

It's actually very rarely a sign that we're about to do something wrong. It is more likely a tug of war between pleasing others and doing what we think is best for ourselves. Guilt is often a byproduct of criticizing what we know we need or trying to talk ourselves out of something that we need, we want, or we desire by telling ourselves it's not okay or that someone else might be upset. If you've ever said to yourself, tell me if you've ever said this, what will other people think? Hearts or I have.

What have you said? Have you ever said that to yourself? What will other people think? If I. I've even said it. And ironically, I don't care all that much about what people say. But there are some areas of life that I have been programmed to really overthink about what people think in particular areas. And a critical inner part can also be something that we have learned from other people, from our family of origin, from even our faith or religion, depending upon how we were introduced to it and the balance within it.

None of those things are wrong and bad. But it's important for us to recognize how prevalent is my inner critic? How much is my inner critic guiding what I'm doing, needing thinking and acting? And where is my inner critic getting in the way? Yes, I'm in the house with a bunch of other people. Speak, wonder. And so I didn't want to make coffee yet since it's a snow day and they're not all up because I would have coffee. So I will like, I will sip. That wouldn't look good. That probably looked more like, I'll do it this way.

I was doing something else. So today's seven, seven seven ways to challenge your inner critic or really even disengage from. To weaken, to loosen your inner critic's grip on who you are. And again, I want you to think subtle. Inner critic, really loud inner critic, somewhere in between. Tell me this. Let's take a quick poll. Where or what do you notice? How would you describe your inner critic? Subtle, moderate, or loud? There is no shame in this, but it's just an opportunity for you to recognize.

Do I even recognize that quiet little whisper that says, you shouldn't be doing that? Nobody's gonna watch this if you put this out here, right? The inner critic can also just slightly Tell you, are you sure you want to do this while other people really want to experience you this way? Who cares? I want you this year in your life to really challenge and quiet your inner critic so that you can step fully into all that you desire. So you can step fully into your purpose. I'll even answer this for myself in solidarity.

My inner critic is often subtle. My inner critic comes through the lens of of analyzing a situation as an enneagram type 5, who also takes in a ton of information. My inner critic just likes to take a dynamic and piece it apart and overlook it through all these different angles to come up with the best possible scenario. It's like a high level form sometimes of overthinking. That's a byproduct of inner criticism. So there's no shame in that. But I want you to be able to acknowledge subtle, moderate or loud.

And I know it can vary, but I want you to think in general. All right, seven ways to challenge your inner critic. Number one. Disengage from unrealistic self judgment. Notice where you are judging yourself in ways that are not realistic. Well, Dr. Shreeze, how will I know if it's unrealistic? You will know that your level of self judgment is unrealistic. If it's a level of judgment that you would not ever do to someone else, that's one of the most simple ways to look at it. If your level of self judgment is significantly harsher then you would judge others, then you know that's an inner critic that you unfortunately reserve for yourself.

Number two. Notice when your fears and your insecurities are being amplified. When you can hardly think about the things that you want to do or say or the new opportunities without some fear or insecurity. Loudly popping to the top. And loudly can be an internal voice. But inner criticism can also be felt in your soma, in your body, in your nervous system. System. It's that feeling that you get of anxiety that rises to the top when you think about doing something. It's that feeling in your gut. It's your food being difficult to digest or your appetite being different.

Your body can also be a very strong sign that your inner critic is high and prevalent. So notice when your fears and insecurities are being amplified. Number three. Stop setting unattainably high standards. Now I'm all about setting a standard for yourself. I'm all about having a goal. But what you want to do is you want to choose a standard that's right on the line between I can do this and I'M going to have to push myself. So there's a really beautiful line right in between and safe place. Because if it's too high, you're gonna feel defeated.

And when you feel defeated, it reinforces your inner critic and those unattainably high standards. But if you find that line to like, you know what? I, I think I can do this. It's gonna take a little bit of this or it's gonna take a little bit of that, but I think I can. That's where you wanna be, where you're like, I'm just crazy enough to think I can do this. All right, for those of you caveat who see me moving like crazy, I'm not in a chair, I have complex adhd. And staying still is extremely hard.

And it's even more difficult in this position. So hopefully that's not bothering anybody. But I did just want to give that caveat because I just noticed my own self awareness that I have probably moved slightly about 20 times, but no shame. That's what I need to do to keep my brain going and keep my body going. All right, number one, disengage from unrealistic self judgment. Number two, notice when your fears and insecurities are being amplified. Number three, stop setting unattainably high standards.

Number four, repeatedly forgive yourself for your mistakes. Question how well do you do with self forgiveness? Because repeatedly forgiving yourself for where you make a mistake or misstep or just, oh, wasn't my best day, wasn't my best moment is a powerful part of challenging your inner critic and reminding yourself that the inner critic doesn't forgive. The inner critic will keep a constant tab on everything that you've ever done. And that is not good for your heart, that is not good for your well being, and that is not good for your brain.

Because when you are constantly staying connected to everything that you've done that you wish you hadn't, that's what amplifies those fears and insecurities. That's what keeps that inner criticism loud and prevalent. That is what makes you feel afraid from stepping into your highest form of well being. Number five, acknowledge your strengths and your achievements. If you're comfortable, I would love for you to put in the chat a strength or a recent achievement that you have that you are really proud of.

Oh, I almost felt some of you are like, oh, I have to say something good about myself. Yes, your brain needs it. Number five was acknowledge your strengths and achievements. And now I want to pause and give you an opportunity in the chat to openly Acknowledge what is something that you know is a strength for you. What is a recent achievement, something that you have done well, that you're like, oh, I'm actually really proud of X, Y and Z. And let me think for myself, I would say that one of my strengths that's phenomenal.

When not emotionally eating during a stressful life. Change is not for thing. One of my strengths is I feel like I'm a really compassionate person. I really enjoy extending compassion and can help other people, whether it's friends or on a professional level extend, understand why they can extend themselves compassion no matter how they feel. And I feel like that's a strength and not something that everyone has. But I think I'm naturally compassionate. You finished a book and it will be available on Valentine's Day.

That's amazing. Congratulations. Keep them going. As I continue these last two, number six. Remind yourself that you deserve success and happiness. Now, I know that that is so easy coming out my mouth and rolling off my tongue. But you know, it can be really hard sometimes to believe that we are worth happiness, true happiness without sacrificing ourselves. Oh, speak wonder. I love that I'm able to hold space for people and to listen without fixing. That's a mouthful. Because some people can hold space, but then they want to tell us what to do and that isn't actually helpful.

So that's a good one. You do deserve the success that you desire. It's okay to want to be successful. Did you know that that wanting to be successful at something doesn't mean that you're not humble. It doesn't mean that you think too highly of yourself. Our brain loves success. It operates well from success. Success is a great fuel, It's a great motivation. It's okay. I feel like somebody needs to hear that to want to be successful. And you really do deserve to be happy. Even if happy for you might mean someone else isn't as happy.

You do and number seven, know that you are not alone in your struggles and that other people don't see you the way you see yourself. That's a big one. We can get so in our head, our inner critic can get so loud that we also think. Other people see it, they feel it. What are other people you just believe and project your inner criticism on to other people. Other people aren't looking at you the way you look at yourself. They often think so much better of you than you think of yourself. So a lot of times we have to learn how to get out of our own way.

And if you're at a point in your life right now that you are holding back, not making a decision, staying in a situation that you know is not ideal for you. Somewhere in the mix, your inner critic is too loud. Let me go through these seven again just in case you missed one, and then we'll sign off. Number one, disengage from unrealistic self judgment. Number two, notice when your fears and your insecurities are being amplified. Number three, stop setting unattainable and high standards. Number four, repeatedly forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Number five, acknowledge your strengths and achievements. Number six, remind yourself you deserve success and happiness. And number seven, know you are not alone in your struggles and that others don't see you the way you see yourself. Okay, take what you need from this moment. Allow it to encourage you. Maybe just take one of these and decide that's the one that keeps standing out and it's resonating with you and touching you. And that's the one that you really want to work on over the next several weeks.

Okay, does anyone have any questions before we leave? That's something that I have not stopped to do frequently that I want to do, so I'll take just a moment. Sometimes I know there's a little bit of a lag in between when I ask you something and when it pops up. But any question questions or points of clarification that you need off of anything that I went over this morning. And I will say for those of you that are listening on replay, if you have a question or a point of clarity, continue to put it in the chat.

And then I usually come back through one or two times in a week to make sure that there weren't any questions or clarifying comments that need to be made and I will respond somewhere down the line. Okay, I don't think I see any questions. So that being said, stay warm if you're in a place that's freezing, stay encouraged and I will see you all on Sunday. Have a good one.