The Opposite of Pride is Not Humility

Hey, Cadre. Family doctor Carrie here. I used to think that the opposite of pride was humility, when actually it's not. And I want to unpack this a little bit for you. So I grew up with a lot of pride, a lot of prideful people arrogance, and I wanted nothing to do with that. If you would have called me arrogant or egotistical, it would have been like the worst thing you could have called me. I wanted never to be called those words. So to. I actually went to the other end of the spectrum and thought that I was just a super humble person.

And what actually turned out happening was I actually had a very low self esteem and low confidence in myself because I thought that if I boasted about my accomplishments or just had a confidence in general about who I was, that it was seen as arrogant by other people. So I used to struggle with this, with calling myself Doctor Carey, because here I've accomplished this great thing. I went through a doctoral program in nursing. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but yet I would tell no one that I had a doctorate.

And I actually titled my. Wrote my book and did not put that title on my book because I didn't want people to think that I was prideful about having that degree. And there's other areas of my life that I've just struggled with this as well. But I've learned over the past couple of years and really recently that the opposite of pride is actually not humility, it's actually unworthiness. So when you look at those two ends of the spectrum, I went so far the other way because I didn't want to be prideful or arrogant or egotistical.

So I actually devalued my worth and my accomplishments. And it took me starting to really look at myself in the mirror and say, okay, what do I believe about myself? It took me, you know, really figuring out where that that lack of confidence came from, thinking back to my childhood of why I became that way. And then also starting to tell people that I had a doctorate in nursing because I would say it to someone and I would think, oh, my gosh, they probably think I am just so arrogant. I'm just boasting about my accomplishments.

And it just drives me nuts when people do that. So I had other people in my life set up knowing that this was something I was battling with and wanting to improve upon. And they actually would give me feedback of, like, nope. Actually, that came across as really confident. And you weren't boasting. And there's a very different way. You can phrase those things. When you're talking about something you've accomplished, you're talking about, you know, your skills, your talents. There's a way to do it with a confidence that's not prideful.

And so I don't know if this is something you've struggled with, but I would encourage you to think about maybe what end of the spectrum you're on. Because I went so far into unworthiness and a lack of confidence that I actually, it was not helpful for myself. Right. Like, because I wanted to be so far away from pride. But that middle ground, you can actually be humble and be really confident. There's a lot of humble people out there that aren't going to go brag about their accomplishments or who they are, and they just have a confidence about them.

You know it when you meet them. You know that they're a confident individual. And there is a fine line between when that errs on the side of confidence and when it's sounding arrogant. And most people can discern between the two. So I would just encourage you to think about maybe where you are on the spectrum and then also just give me feedback about, like, what has worked for you. Because I'm still on this journey of learning what it means to be confident and just struggling with that, especially when I talk to other people or present myself and tell them what I do for work or, you know, that I have a doctor in front of my name.

So I'm just curious to know if this is something other people have struggled with and then what has worked for you to try to gain that confidence. Because at the end of the day, when you look yourself in the mirror, you're the only one you have to answer to. And you can do a self inventory and say, did I like how I showed up today? Because that's really what it comes down to. Because if you didn't, you could start over tomorrow. And that's oftentimes what I have done. I'm like, oh, that really sounded a little bit more arrogant than I wanted to.

Okay, well, next time, when I talk to someone and I am trying to sound confident or I'm trying to feel the confidence, I'm going to make sure that I phrase it a little bit different. So thanks for tuning in with me today, guys. God bless again. You.