Rules of Engagement

Good morning, Cadre. I hope wherever you are, you are doing really, really well. And it is sunny. C. i don't think that's gonna last. But either way, I am flying out of town across the country today to do a conference. So that's why, hence, dressed like this. I have a couple meetings before that. Excuse me. Hello. Be happy, 2025. I like your name. Thank you for being here. We are talking rules of engagement today. The rule of engagement that I have chosen, I think it's number nine. I think that's what I found.

I think that's what I figured out anyway. The one that I've chosen. Drumroll. I'll just name it and then say a few other things. But the one I've chosen is be a center of gravity. I'm excited to talk about what that means, but I hope things are difficult and strange in the world. Things feel perilous for so many, and when things feel perilous for so many, they are likely perilous for all. That is a very grim thing to say, isn't it? What do I mean by that? I mean, if you're feeling the vibe, and it's a little hard to keep centered in the middle of the vibe, you're not alone.

And that's not. You're not. That's not weird. Right? This is a difficult time to stay centered in our truth and in what we know. But there is no more crucial a time to tend to filling our own bucket than in a time when it will be needed. So any tending to yourself that you're doing, I recommend and commend in difficult times, including, and especially hanging out on Cadre with me, with other people, using the tools that Cadre provides us, the community, access to resources, access to therapists, access to each other.

So, all that being said, what do I mean by be a center of gravity? It is one of my rules of engagement for life. It is one of the things I ask myself to do. It's one of the ways I choose to live. And some days it's easier than others. What I mean is, you know those people who, when they walk in a room, the energy shifts a little bit, there's a drop in air pressure because they sort of suck in some of the energy. Those people have a center of gravity. But I don't just mean charisma. By center of gravity, I also mean because it's not just the impact you have on other people.

Center of gravity, meaning are you organizing your life around yourself and Your own principles and what you believe in and your goals and your dreams and the people that you love and who love you. Are you organizing your life around the things that nourish you? Or are you organizing your life around other people? Around other people's dreams, around other people's expectations, around other people's desires, around other people's wants? What other people, especially the people we love and care about, want and choose for themselves, are important to us and should be important to us and become important to us.

I'm not saying be selfish. I am saying the weight of your life should fall into your life. I'll say that again. The weight of your life should fall into your life enough to ground you, right? If you're spinning, spin around your own center, not someone else's center. Because if you try and if you're spinning and you try and take on someone else's thing, you will spin off course. You will spin out. You will, you know, whatever other metaphor you want to use for that. Being your own center of gravity means being at the center of your life, first off.

And so I try and remember that. Be a center of gravity. Am I grounded in what I've chosen for myself in my life? Am I grounded in my own principles? Am I grounded in my own people? You know, am I spinning around an access that I believe in? That's the first question. What I find is that when I am doing that, when I am my own center of gravity, a few things happen. One, it is easier to discern how I should proceed. It is easier to understand the way I interact with the world, whether that will be successful or not.

An opportunity comes my way. Does it fit inside what's spinning here? Or is it something that is outside of that? It's easier to know that if I'm really spinning around my own center of gravity, the other thing that happens is we become attractive to people who respect people who have their own center of gravity. So if we. That has a lot to do with boundaries being my own center of gravity. The thing I like about the spinning is that I have boundaries. But they're porous. They're not walls, right?

I know what can come in and what will flow in and what can flow out. But that's boundaries, right? And boundaries aren't telling other people what they can or can't do. To me, boundaries are. You are free as a human being to behave however you choose. Here is how I will respond if you behave this way, that way, or the other way. Boundaries, like we'll have them. It's easier to have them when we're our own center of gravity. So people who have their own center of gravity, you know, see each other.

Right. You know, if somebody is really vibing, I guess, but spinning around their own center of gravity and they're drawing in people who can maintain their boundaries while working with other people. Politics taught me a lot about this, because when you're an elected official and you have your own center of gravity, and there are lots of elected officials who have their own centers of gravity. Right. You know, they've got to pull in. You can sense the people who don't have a lot at that core. Right.

You know, the elected officials who are like, what does this person think? I'll just do what they think. What does that person think? I'll just do what they think. Oh, my gosh. I'm too scared to stand up for what I believe in. Which means what I believe in is my own advancement. We can tell those people from a mile away. And those are not people that are easy to work with. They're easy to manipulate, but they're not easy to work with. But the people I really admire are people who have their own centers of gravity.

They're strategic and smart. And sometimes political strategy looks like somebody not having principles. That's inherently not the case in my experience. If you want to get something done, you have to have some strategy, but you kind of have to know who you are at the end of the day, too. Right? So I admire a lot of people, but I don't have to be them. I can learn from them. I can admire them. I think there are a fair number of Minnesotans on Cadre, so I'll mention. Scott Diboll, for example, is one of the people.

He's one of my heroes. He's one of the people I admire most. And he was that before I knew him. Right. But now he is near and dear to my heart, one of my beloved people. But Scott Dibble would be a great example of that for me. Right? Strategic Smart Values for days has gotten so much done for the state of Minnesota and the people of Minnesota while still being true to his values. I love him very much. Side note, so. But, you know, then those are people I'm willing to follow. To be a great leader, you really have to know how to be a good follower, meaning how to support a leader, how to question that leader without being a jerk.

How to not be disappointed in people, even if you disagree with them. There's also being a good leader. I learned how to lead by following and learning how to be an excellent follower. And maybe that'll be a topic for another day, right? Being a good follower and what that means. But since I had, I won't claim it, because center of gravity comes and goes. In the moments when my center of gravity is strongest in myself, it is really easy to decide to follow someone I respect and admire and not lose myself in the following.

I felt that way about President Obama. I feel that way about Bruce Springsteen. I feel that way, like I said about Scott Dibble. When I know how to. When I have that full center of gravity, it's. It's harder to lose myself. I don't lose myself. And then I can think about them as people. Oh, Pete Buttigieg, of course I can think about them as people. Kamala Harris, I came to feel that way about as well. Gail Dorfman, who I worked for, feel that way about her. I could follow them and support their leadership.

I could think outside of their aura because I had my own center of gravity. I wasn't spinning around them wildly. If you are spinning around someone else's center of gravity, you cannot think about them outside of their own thoughts and desires for themselves. And that's not being of service to somebody, right? Being able to see them and all the great stuff, see where they might be challenged or struggling, and figure out how to support the places where they're challenged and struggling and how to enhance the places where they're strong and doing well.

That's a. That's something a follower does. But if you can do that for someone else, eventually it's easier to do for yourself. Be a center of gravity. I think about that in terms of my work with white people as well. I guess the final thing I'll say about center of gravity is that it's attractive. I need to attract to myself the people who believe in the work I'm doing, who follow the work I'm doing, who agree with the work I'm doing, who want to partner and collaborate in the work that. That I'm doing, and especially in the work that I do around race.

I don't want to attach myself to anybody else's center of gravity. I want to learn from them. I want to be able to see what I can about them and their methodology and their practice and their belief and their everything. But the work I'm doing is forging a new. Blazing a new trail, forging a new path, whatever the metaphor is. And I need to. I need to stand firm in knowing what I offer. That's unique to the field and continuing to offer that to the field. So that is really where I remind myself, be a center of gravity.

Stay true to the work that I'm doing. Porously so, open to new ideas, giving out new ideas, having that back and forth is one of the ways that I have built this. The framework that I've built, the compendium of knowledge that I have and carry, the capacity I have to share that with other people is all from the back and forth. But even so, there's a center, there's a core there around which all the rest of my work spins. And I don't want to spin off into what other people think or what other people feel because.

And this, again, this is for another day. But that is a challenge with the work of racial equity right now, that there are places that it has spun that are not serving the overall aim. That's for another day. So, Cadre, be a center of gravity, whatever that means to you. If you. I'm gonna. I'll post about it in the app later today. I have to run out for another meeting right now, but tell me what a center of gravity is for you and your life. What does that mean for you? What does that look like in your life?

What have I missed? What did you like? The interaction really helps me a lot, so I hope you all have a great week. I look forward to interacting with you. Next week. I'll be fresh back from this traveling I'm doing, and I really hope that if the world is feeling difficult, it's still going.