Comedy Through The Chaos

Hello and happy Thursday Cadre sphere. I am Ms. Shannon Paul and I hope that you are doing well out there in the universe. Today we are going to talk about the universe and how the universe does not always have the same plans in mind as we do. That is what we're going to get to as we wait for our friends to join us in the chat. I hope that you are doing well in the meantime. As I said, I'm Ms. Shannon Paul, a comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, vet emcee and author based here in the lovely state of Minnesota.

But I'm also happy to be the very fortunate parent of an adorable 60 year old kiddo that happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum. So, which is why I am joining you on this Caregiver Thursdays where we have a lot of content from a variety of different caregivers. So it's just a perspective and what we look into. I have had a day so far. It's about 2:00 Central here. That's normally when I check in with you. And I did manage to make it to this, but what I didn't manage to make it to was this morning's event.

I have been having some very interesting challenges with my kiddo and our morning routine and today was no exception. Deception. I was talking to his, his teacher and we think it might be that he doesn't like that when he goes to school he has to go straight to work. Especially now that he has like job jobs kind of at school because they're practicing job jobs and so they think maybe he's dilly dallying at home or gotten into this little cycle that so if he gets there later then he doesn't have to work.

So we've been trying to like figure out how we're gonna deal with that. So today the other thing about my kiddo is I can, I believe he can always just feel a disturbance in the force. So if it's some a day, like I try really hard to set myself up for success and not plan things until later in the morning so that if we have a day like today, I don't miss anything today. It just didn't really work out that way. I was supposed to go and do a promo video shoot for a fundraiser that I am going to be a part of next month.

So I was trying to get there and it wasn't like it was super early, it was 10am our time. And that should be doable if the universe, also known as my kid, was in the right mood and it's almost like you could just feel it. Like, no matter how long I've been doing this, I've tried really hard to, like, don't put any extra energy into the room. Try and make sure that things seem as regular as possible. And it's like you can always just read my mind and see that I need to go someplace. So this morning it was just interesting.

Like it started at 4:00 this morning when he was awake and bright eyed and bushy tailed. And I did not want to be awake at 4:00. So he finally decided he was gonna go back to sleep. But that wasn't until like 6. And so of course by the time he went back to sleep at 6 and then woke back up, we're already running a little late. But I tried to stay off the mixes because I'm that person. I'm the reframe person. I'm the stay optimistic. Things don't have to go bad. You, you can. It's a moment, not a lifetime.

So I got ready. I put on my adulting clothes, including my shapewear. That's how serious I was about this, folks. Had on my adulting clothes, including my shapewear, and put on a little makeup. All this stuff was like, okay, we're still gonna make it. We're gonna be okay. And I wasn't rushing him, I was just going about my business and hoping that he would do the same. And so his newest stalling tactic is that he'll go outside and then he won't get in the car. So I back the car up and I'm waiting for him.

And this morning's adventure was he would do anything other than actually get in the car. He walked around the car three or four times. He pulled on the car door three or four times. He decided that he was going to march up and down the driveway and do that three or four times. The final thing that he did is that he decided that he was gonna start moving our garbage cans around. I don't know what he was, I don't know what he was doing. So he's just rearranging all the dumpsters outside. So anything other than get in the car.

And I tried to pull out everything. I saw that earlier today. Some of our ABA friends were on here. I tried to use everything in my toolkit, everything that I've had since we started, a variety of therapies. So it was redirect, it was reframe, it was, you know, reward, it was, you know, try it, minimize. I tried everything and nothing. Nothing. Was working, Nothing was working. And finally, we'd been out there for a while now. As I said, I'm in Minnesota today. It's like minus three. And I kind of thought that would encourage him to get in the car as well.

It's warm in the car. Let's go in the car. And he just wasn't having it. He was just looking in the window like he was watching mom as a fish in an aquarium. And he was just focus. So finally, I'm like, okay, this just isn't going to work. So I called my friend that I was going to go film the thing with, and I left her a message. And it clearly, you could hear the defeat in my voice about how I just wasn't going to be able to make it. And I hope they could figure out something else to do. And I had tried to reset the day earlier, but I'm like, okay, we can't be out here, and you can't be standing around in the cold for this long.

So I took him back in the house and just was like, okay, I give up. You know, I give up. And the funny thing is, is that I feel like he could feel that I gave up because he went back inside, and we were only aside for, like, a couple minutes. And then he's like, ready, go. I'm like, okay. So the minute I said that I'm not gonna try and do this other thing, you're gonna get it together. By then, I would have been super late. So I'm glad that I said no. But then we got in the car, we drove to school.

He got out of the car without any more protestation, and he's walking inside, and his staff member that met him, like, gave him a high five and goes, hey, man, it's cold out there. And my kid just went inside because he was already over it. I wasn't. I wasn't over it. I was still dysregulated. I'm sitting in the car going, oh, my gosh. Why did it have to be so much work? And what I was trying to remind myself after he successfully got inside is to take a page out of his playbook and go, that was a moment.

And go back to what I normally do. He's over it. I got to get over it, too. There's no point in continuing to dwell in where I was a moment ago. So I came home, made some tea. I wrote a blog post about it. So I'm like, at least hope somebody else out there can feel some camaraderie about how the universe, AKA your child. Hello, Robert, thanks for joining us. Somebody else out there hopefully can feel all of the camaraderie about the fact that I was not able to successfully get my kid to go to school in time for me to make it to my meeting this morning, which is what I was going over, Robert, about how this morning was a morning, it was a complex morning and I didn't make it to something that I thought I was going to be able to make it to because my kid was just not in a malleable and movable mode.

And I think that happens to us a lot as caregivers. Regardless of whether you are interacting with a kid or maybe you're in our sandwich generation, you're interacting with one of our adulting friends that may have their additional challenges, you don't always get to be on your schedule. A lot of times you're on their schedule. And there's lots of days where that works out really well. And there's lots of days where that is incredibly frustrating. And this morning was one of those days where it was incredibly frustrating.

And it's in those moments that I remind myself that I'm allowed to live in the moment of self compassion. And as much as I really hate disappointing people, as much as I really am bothered by the fact that I can't do all the things and I can't get everything done and I can't get to every place, hopefully I've done a good enough job with my friends and partners and community that they understand that it's not intentional and it's not something that doesn't impact me and it's not something that doesn't bother me that I wasn't able to show up for them the way that I most wanted to, but I was able to show up in the way that I needed to for the person that I care for right now.

So maybe you're in that, that moment. Maybe there's lots of times during the day when you're like, I got something to do, I got some places to be, and this is not how it's gonna happen. And that is rough, man. That's super rough. So I hope that you can, in those moments, give yourself a little time to step back and go, okay, I understand. Here's what I can do in this moment. Here's what I can accomplish right now. How can I make sure that this all turns out into a win? How can I give myself space to actually, you know, redo my schedule so that I can maybe accomplish some things that would be of value today.

And that's rough. That's rough. So that is where I am today. I did manage to eventually get him inside, so he did not end up frostbitten because he was in a stubborn phase, and neither was I because it was cold out there. I didn't want to be out there in the car that long either. So my plan is to go pick him up shortly. In the meantime, I did manage to get enough done today that at least I feel a minor sense of accomplishments, even if part of that was I gave myself the luxury of starting some laundry, because that's important as well.

So give yourself some. Some peace and some space. If something comes up, if somebody in your life ends up taking more time than you had hoped and you can't get to the other things, you're not the only person that that happens to. Hopefully, you're in a situation where people understand and they give you a little grace like I was able to get this morning. And if not, I get it. Man, that's really rough because not everybody understands the situations that we are in as caregivers, and they don't have the ability to give us that space.

So please give yourself that space and realize that you deserve it. You're doing the best that you can with the resources that you have, and you continue to move forward. And that is what we do. We continue to move forward. I'm glad that I got enough stuff today that I still felt able to connect with all of you. So if you're watching me live, cool. If you're watching me in the replay, cool as well. Let me know if there's something that I can do and to continue to communicate with you, to continue to build this community for all of you out there as we work on our mental wellness as caregivers and just general human beings here on this planet.

And always let us know here in the Cadre sphere what it is that we can do to continue to support you and provide the resources and the. The talents and treasures and time and things that all of our contributors are willing to give to you so that we can continue to move forward together. So. All right, I'm gonna get a couple more things done before I go pick up my kiddo. I appreciate all of you, and I hope that the rest of the week treats you well, and we'll see how next week's go. If nothing else, one week's gonna turn into another one, so see you soon.