Dr. Charisse Johnson explains toxic loyalty—what it looks like, how it shows up as suppressing needs and protecting the wrong people or beliefs—and offers brief strategies and interactive reflections to begin breaking free.
Dr. Charisse Johnson is a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. She comes into the space twice a week to talk about all things life. What does it mean to really create a sense of harmony in your life if you're willing to do the work?
Toxic loyalty is when there is an excessive allegiance or commitment to a person, group, organization. We can absolutely have a level of toxic loyalty in our own lives. This is interactive, so don't be afraid to put that information in there.
The first four signs that we talked about around toxic loyalty are suppressing your needs and feelings. Then we'll talk very briefly about how to break free from toxic loyalty. And then we'll do one more on this subject, really in depth, about some specific strategies that you can use.
So what does it look like when we're protecting the wrong person or beliefs? It means that you cover up for someone's mistakes or harmful actions out of a sense of duty. The other thing that you might see under that dynamic is you're defending people who manipulate or take advantage of you. A healthy system will give you the space to make a change.
My dear souls, welcome to Cadre for the day. Right. It's another opportunity for us to gather together and get our minds right and get our lives right. If this is your first time here, I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. I come into the space twice a week at minimum to talk about all things life. But specifically, what does it mean to really create a sense of harmony in your life if you're willing to do the work? Because that's always what it's about.
It's one of those mornings, coffee at hand, piping hot, just the way I like it. So come in. I love it already. Good morning, Audrey. Good morning, Andrea. Show some love by giving some heart to some emojis. You know, it's kind of interesting. I don't know if you all notice this. You can kind of be in a moment in a little funk and someone will give a reaction and you'll just see this little flutter of hearts that'll come up and it. It does something to you. It really does. And because I can't see you, it's also a really great reminder that, okay, they are still there.
Hello, Philly. Hello Statesboro. Hello, South Carolina. Hello, North Carolina. So you are like, what's going on? What are you doing? Hello, speak wonder essentially come in, let me know how your week is going and then where are you? I just got some information that I will be traveling to Philly soon for a training and I'm excited about that. Super important training. Love to travel. So it's a win. Win. We have been having conversation over the last week or so about toxic loyalty. Let's do this. If you listened to last week or.
And if you didn't, it's okay, it's still there for you or heard it on replay. Was there a takeaway for you? Was there an aha moment? And if so, take a moment and put it in the chat. This just gives me an idea. Some of you reached out to me separately on different social media platforms, which is wonderful. But this helps me get a better understanding of what resonated with you as well as if there is something that I say at any given point about anything that you want me to explained further or if you have a question.
This is interactive, so don't be afraid to put that information in there. Just to do a quick recap. Toxic loyalty is when there is an excessive allegiance or commitment to a person, group, organization, and I added belief. We can absolutely have a level of toxic loyalty in our own lives. To certain mindsets and into certain patterns. Sometimes we're very aware. Right. Sometimes we know exactly what that mindset is centered around. But other times, hello, Erie, pa. We don't recognize how subtle but strong our core beliefs can be.
And it can be a belief that at one point was very helpful to you and then you're starting to realize, wait a minute, this is starting to get in the way. Or, or this is coming up for me at a time that isn't there. And that's right. Audrey, thank you for reminding me. I don't think I reminded everybody to rate your week. My week, it's Wednesday. Anyone else feel like it should be Friday? My week? I'd say a solid five. I'm still coming off of not feeling well. I'm getting there. I'm regrouping, but you know, I'm not bouncing back the way I used to.
No, this is just different thing. So I would say a 5. I definitely have goals that I've set for myself to get it up to at least an 8 before the end of the week. And I'm confident I can do that. So recapped the toxic loyalty the first four signs that we talked about around toxic loyalty are suppressing your needs and feelings, two fear of speaking up, three, staying in unhealthy situations and four, feeling trapped by obligation. I want to go through through the last four that I've identified. Then I'll talk very briefly about how to break free from toxic loyalty.
And then we'll do one more on this subject, really in depth, about some specific strategies that you can use. So number five, Protecting the wrong people slash beliefs. Protecting the wrong people slash beliefs. Here's where I want you to go for this. If you know that you are an individual, that you might be in some friendships, relationships work, relationships that are toxic, then keep your headspace there. But that might not be you. If that's not you when it comes to you and another person, then I want you to think about your own beliefs and where you notice that you are protecting or being self protective of beliefs because they benefit you personally and we're all guilty in some way.
The key is, am I doing this at my own expense and is it creating some level of toxic harm in my life? So what does it look like when we're protecting the wrong person or beliefs? It means that you cover up for someone's mistakes or harmful actions out of a sense of duty. Hello Northern Minnesota. The other thing that you might see under that dynamic is you're defending people who manipulate or take advantage of you. If you've ever done that or been there, I just want you to put in the chat, I've done it, right?
I've done it. It's so hard when it's someone that you care about, when it's someone that you feel, man, I know this person. I'm having a hard time believing that what they just did is what I think it is. So we make excuses and we cover for them. And it's not awful to cover for someone. It's not awful to have a self protective mindset that covers our own actions. Until we recognize there's a pattern. This isn't getting better. I keep rationalizing this belief and how it's showing up in my life. I keep having to cover for this person and why am I defending their actions?
Whether it's manipulation towards you or manipulation towards others. Because there can also be the element of we see people who are not being kind, caring or loyal to other people, and we still give them too much of the benefit of the doubt. Number six Anxiety and stress over betrayal so we constantly worry when we're in a place of toxic loyalty, we constantly worry that leaving or setting boundaries will be seen as a betrayal. This is big when it comes to family dynamics and family beliefs. We can know that there are some things about our family or about people in our family that were like, I've always known that they were like that, but it doesn't sit as well with me.
But this is who we are as a family. And if I say something or if I do something different, it can feel like we're betraying the people in our lives who have poured into us and who care for us. Sometimes you're going to be in a situation where people will literally make you feel like if you choose what is healthy or different, that you're somehow betraying them. But I will say that a healthy system, a healthy organization, a healthy person in your life will give you the space to make a change that you need without necessarily feeling like it's an attack automatically.
You may also feel this is a big one, a deep sense of guilt or shame when you're considering a change. I feel like that's a universal dynamic that most of us have experienced at some point in our life. If I start to do this, if I don't do this or say, this is it okay, what will people think? What will I think about myself? Can I really give myself permission to show up in a different way, to start to believe differently? Here's one to even normalize it. Have any of you ever gone through a journey of wholeness in your health, where you've started making changes to the way you eat, to the way you move, to how you carry yourself?
All encompassing? And even though you knew this is exactly what.
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