Rules of Engagement

Good morning, Cadre. You get me with my gym hair and my glasses and all the boxes. We have moved. C. area known as the DMV. C. maryland, Virginia. But we are now in the M. We're in the Maryland park part of dc, Maryland, and Virginia. We've moved to Silver Spring. So this just happened Sunday. We like all our stuff, the cats, my husband and I were all in the same place starting Sunday. And today is Tuesday, so it's a bit chaotic here. There's a man in the bathroom fixing the tub. Good morning. Speak wonder.

It is delightful to see you. I'm talking about the fact that I moved. And so problems and solutions are on my mind. Mind because. And systems, actually, because I have the opportunity to set up a whole new system for everything I do here. Moving is no joke. And we are in a place that is somewhat smaller with stuff that is not all that much smaller, although we did the couch. This is a sign of grace. The couch would not fit in the elevator. We live on the 16th floor of this building. And the moving guys were so great.

If you ever need a recommendation for a mover, let me know. And good morning, Jules. Good morning, Jules. It's great to see you here. They were willing to hoof that heavy couch because it's really big, 16 flights of stairs. And they tried, and they couldn't get it through the door. So we are getting rid of this couch, half of which did make it up and half of which is now on the mover's truck. And we're having to figure out what to do. Sorry about that jiggling. We're having to figure out what to do with the couch.

But. So this is why I am thinking of the. These guidelines, these life guidelines I have that are companions to my rules of engagement number 10. I'm making sure I have the right number. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that didn't work. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that did not work. They tried to move it up the elevator. That didn't work. They tried to move it up the stairs. That didn't work. We understand we will not be living with this couch anymore.

So we will get a new couch. So that's a problem that has a solution. And then we have to figure out what to do with the two pieces of this couch, which are in different places right now. And we have to get everything out of that house that we were in by the end of the month. So for every problem, there Is a solution better than the one that didn't work? My. Our coffee machines are now under cabinets. Where in the old place. They were standing free. There weren't cabinets above them, which means we can't get the water tanks out.

I use a different one than my husband because I only drink decaf. So that's a problem. And just sliding it back and forth on the counter, not a great solution. Didn't. Isn't working very well. So I'm going to be ordering these. They have these things called appliance slides. And you just put the appliance on it, it slides out, you can use it, and it slides back. I'm going to be ordering some of those. I'm going to measure and order some of those. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that did not work.

But also number 12. This is about acceptance, resistance, depending on your attitude about it. This is from a coach of mine, Milo Raza. Great guy at even braver coaching. For folks who are looking for a coach, a problem without a solution is not a problem. It's a rule of the game. I'm going to repeat that. A problem without a solution is. Is not a problem. It is a rule of the game. So in this new place, we don't have full control over the thermostat, right? That is, it's controlled by the building to some extent.

It's complicated. I still don't fully understand it. But what I know is they basically decide when to turn the air conditioning on because they pay for the bill. And it gets hotter here, probably sooner than they want to pay that bill. That is a problem, but it does not have a solution that I can see. So now it's just a rule of the game. How am I going to accommodate myself to that? There are other problems that I apply. Hello. Let's see. Mel Myers. Hello, Mel Myers. Welcome. There are other problems where sometimes it feels like there's not a solution, like I just get discouraged and I give up.

But then I remember and we've already covered it. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that didn't work. Now for the problem of the thermostat, I can't solve the problem of the thermostat, but the thermostat isn't the problem. The fact that I'm hot at night is the problem. There are many solutions we can pursue to fix that that don't involve the thermostat. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that did not work. So I can solve the being hot at night problem.

We have fans we can try. Not a window unit exactly, but we can try a standing air conditioner situation. You know, we have a bunch of stuff we're going to try. These are the things I'm thinking about as I move. As small a problem as how do I set up my bathroom counter to as big a problem as, you know, the bathtub is. You can have the shower, but you can't use the bathtub. And we love baths in this house. So we called, put in the thing, and the guy came right away. That's the nice thing about leasing, nice thing about renting.

If you're in a place where somebody comes right away, then that guy will come right away. Welcome to my boxes. Because I'm distracted by my boxes again here. So many. But there's a third of my guidelines that I've given myself that is also relevant to problem solutions and systems. Number 34, move at the speed of your capacity. On Saturday, when the movers were hoofing all our stuff, you know, onto a truck, up an elevator, down this long hallway, into this apartment for hours, there came a point when I knew that I had reached my capacity, right?

I can take action inside my capacity, but when it's lost, I kind of float away. I tend to dissociate or decompensate, meaning I just kind of break down a little bit. But I've done enough work in the last few years, particularly on my anxiety. My anxiety gets so bad as well. I go into freeze state. So I've learned a lot about what this all looks like for me. And so I move at the speed of my capacity, meaning I do my best not to take action outside the level of my attention. The place where I can actually stay present and pleased.

I can stay present. And if not pleased with the situation, I can stay present and have my mind be there. And not just a mind, just sort of be embodied as well. Couldn't do that on Saturday. Sometimes moving, sometimes things in life just take you beyond your capacity. But I knew what to do to make it a little better or not have it get worse. I left. I volunteered to go to the grocery store that's next door to our building. I got food for everybody and the noxious power drinks these guys wanted. People love those power drinks.

But I look at them and I see sugar and caffeine, and it would kill me. I would be in the hospital if I drank half of one. But they wanted them, they got them. And then a couple hours later, I Went and, you know, I did a coffee run. I was the only one who wanted anything. But I drink decaf and I just got to leave for a few minutes, Take a few breaths for me, check in with myself. Check in. I have a higher power because I'm in recovery. Check in with my higher power. Notice beautiful things, do some breathing exercises before I returned back.

That was me moving inside my capacity as best as I could. So those are three the rules of engagement that I've been using. Side note, I went back to Orange 3 Fitness today. I haven't been in two weeks because, you know, I went the last time I went to my 1000 first class, which was great. I hit a thousand orange three fitness classes in my studio I've been going to for five years. Then I had a trip to Nashville. You know, I packing up stuff, trip to Nashville, a sprint to the movers coming. The movers came.

I been a little exhausted, as you might imagine. But I also knew, just go, just go to the new Orange theory. I knew it would feel strange. The good news is I know the coach that actually really helped me because John taught at the DC studio I was a member of, and he now teaches at this Silver Spring studio. So I knew John, and I've been to enough OTF clubs over the years that it's less daunting to go to a new one. But even so, I had to find my way there. I walked there, took 15 minutes. Yes. And I said, just go.

Even if I just don't work very hard, don't do very much, just show up. I don't want to get so far out of my rhythm that I don't find my way back. So I went, which is why you see me with my gym hair and I'm still wearing my gym clothes. Great. Here's another pit of news. I can walk to a Marshall's and a TJ Maxx from where I live, which is great and dangerous. But I bought some organizers for my bathroom on the way home. It's one of the reasons I'm disheveled instead of showered. Right. For every problem, there is a solution better than the one that did not work.

It is clear to me I'm going to need to go up my bathroom counter because I have more stuff than my bathroom counter wants to accommodate. So I bought some things that let me go up for every problem. You know, if that doesn't work, I will seek another solution. The great thing about the guideline, for every problem, there is a solution better than the one that didn't work is that it encourages me to keep trying to find solutions. Even if I've tried one or two or three, that, that don't work. And this is just as true with people.

If I'm dealing with a difficult person, for example, I try and be warm and friendly. That doesn't work. That's off putting to them, okay, I can try to be very neutral and matter of fact, that doesn't work. I can try asking them questions about themselves. I can just keep trying stuff. I don't have to listen to my discouragement, right? How I feel about something. We've talked about this many times. Feelings are not a great basis for decision making. How I feel about a situation, about a person being difficult, sometimes I can decide, oh, I'm just going to leave, you know, I'm just going to remove myself from the situation.

But if I need to be in touch with that person or I've decided to for some reason or another, right, it's okay to keep trying stuff. I don't have to listen to my discouragement. I don't have to let my discouragement make the decision for me. I can just remember, for every problem, there is a solution better than the one that did not work. And that for me is a. It's a discouragement buster. It's a reminder to just keep trying things. You know, keep that spirit of learning and curiosity and ingenuity and innovation.

Keep all of that going. You know, I use that a lot as mayor. I actually had that phrase printed out. You know, I typed it up, printed it out, and then put it in a frame and it sat on a shelf where I could see it wherever I sat. I did that as council member and also as mayor. For every problem, there's a solution better than the one that didn't work. Because I had to remember that at the city. Happy Tuesday, Luke. Welcome. So glad you're here. Yes, A discouragement buster we're talking about. For every problem there is a solution better than the one that did not work.

It just helps me keep going. It's just a real reality check. It isn't about my feelings. It isn't about how sad I am or mad I am or discouraged I am or disappointed I am that something didn't work. It's just like, okay, well, you know, in the mortal words of Ariana Grande, thank you. Next, let's try something else. But a problem without a solution is not a problem. It is a rule of the game, right? That to me, is the message of if there's truly Not a solution here. If I really have no agency here, then I have to accept that this is a boulder I have to move around.

If I can't push it out of my way, if I can't chisel it down to size and time, if I can't take a different route, then I'm going to have to accept that this boulder is in my way. Right? It's a rule of the game. So how do I set things up to account for the fact that this boulder is sitting right here? And then for all of that, I move at the speed of my capacity. Move at the speed of my capacity. Don't exceed my capacity. Certainly not on a regular basis. Because things don't go well. If I try and operate outside my capacity, I start shutting down further and further.

If I don't rest, my body will rest for me. If I don't rest, my mind, my mind will rest itself for me. Nothing good happens if I stay within my capacity. If I stay within my capacity, I can do so much more than if I try and exceed it. Slow and steady wins the race sometimes. So let's see. Another rule of engagement. Don't go so far out of your rhythm that you can't find your way back. I'm pretty wise, I guess. Oh, look at this. We're at time. Well, I guess the moral of the story is I'm thinking a lot about systems problems, solutions, and my capacity.

Because I moved two days ago and it took two, three weeks of almost sprinting to get to the move. And I'm okay. Things are okay. It's just gonna take time to get things in shape. I will say my pink velvet couch made it back with me. Made it here with me. I sacrificed my chair to keep this couch. Because I love this couch in my office. So love what you love. The number one rule of engagement. Love what you love. I love pink. I love pink. I am the wise one. Oh, Guru. There you go. On that note. Fantastic.

That's a little boost. Thank you, my friend. Speak, wonder. And thanks, everybody, for coming. And I will see you next week when we will talk about more rules of engagement, more guidelines, and have a great week. Move at the speed of your capacity. A problem without a solution is not a problem. It's a rule of the game. And for every problem, there is a solution better than the one that didn't work. Oh, Mel, you love butterflies. Yay. All right, see y' all later and have a great week.