The Power of Core Beliefs

What's up, Cadre fam? Evan here, your local mental health and addiction therapist, Wanda. Hop on. Live as usual. Towards the end of my day, where I've done some sessions, and it's amazing how every time I work, every time I work with somebody, there's something I'm reminded of or something that I learn, something that stands out to me. And I thought today I would chat with you about probably one of the most important aspects of therapy that I do. I don't know if that's putting it the right way, but one of the most, like, important concepts, something that I really base a lot of the therapy I do, whether it's trauma therapy, addiction work, and that is the concept known as core beliefs.

And I was actually introduced to this, doing some personal work, and it was interesting to go through and get a better understanding of these deeply held beliefs that I have. And it's like, as you get to learn some, and I'm going to explain what these are, but as you get to know some of these more deeply held beliefs, or at least you start to think about them, it makes sense. And it's usually you don't learn anything too new because you, like, you get it, but then when you see it all in one place, it starts to make sense.

And it starts to make sense why you think certain things that you do about yourself, about the world, and how that plays into the decisions that you make. And it's often the decisions that you make that lead to how you feel, right? The things I do make me feel a certain way, and the way I feel makes me think a certain way. Therefore, I then do that thing, right? So it becomes a cycle. It's like a cognitive behavioral cycle. And that's what this comes from, is a cognitive behavioral therapy lens, right?

Thoughts, feelings, and actions. So a core belief, basically, is just this deeply held belief that you have about yourself and the world, right? So it's not hard to see why that's so essential. Like, and they're like, we have all sorts of beliefs, and I always look at it like a tree. I'm looking at a tree right now, and I have all these different beliefs on the surface, right? Like, I believe if I were to touch a hot stove, my hand would get burned, right? That was something that I learned at some point.

Now, this may not be a core belief about myself. It's just a belief. So we have endless amounts of beliefs based on things we've learned. However, we also have deeply held beliefs that really affect how we view ourselves and the importance of what we view, our place in the world, how we relate to others. What is my place here? Right? And those are the core beliefs, right? So now we're getting down to those main branches, to the trunk. You know, what are these things? What is the foundation of what I believe and why?

So those are some of the things that I, at some point with clients pretty early on, I look to explore again, looking at everything through, like, a trauma therapy lens, just based on, like, what are the difficult things that we've been through? And how did those difficult things inform our beliefs? And a lot of times, like, when we've been through things that are, like, really traumatic, it changes our belief of the world. And usually it does it in a distorted way, right? So, like, if I have something really, really bad happen, like, you know, here in Minnesota many years ago, we had the bridge collapse, right, where a lot of people were injured, passed away, right?

So if I was like part of that and I survived that, right, I would have this belief of just like sheer danger about the road, about going over a bridge. Yet it's a very slim chance that that would ever happen, right? I have a distorted belief about bridges, and that makes sense given that I happen to be on one of the few bridges that that would happen to over the course of a century, right? So that applies to many different situations, and that especially applies to situations and traumas that we've had at childhood.

Because when we're young, our brains are much more malleable, right? We learn at a faster rate. It really, it's like this moldable structure. It's like clay. And when we're young, it's like wet and we could mold it. And it really shapes the view. I mean, we learn more. Apparently, you gotta fact check me on this more in the first year or two of life than we ever do. And it's really the basics. But our brains are forming so quickly. But as we get older, they start to harden, they start to crystallize, and teaching an old dog new tricks.

But we're still always able to learn, we're able to change. But often when you are younger, right, it's just like a perfect example would be like, if you are a kid, it is much easier to learn a language than an adult. So that's why it's even more important. Some of the things that we learn in childhood. So we have three different. We'll break it down into three columns, right? So when I have clients do work on this, I have three columns. The first, you call it like antecedents right. So what came before an event, a significant event.

And then in the middle, we have the beliefs that come from them, the core beliefs. So beliefs about yourself and the world. And then in the third column, it's like, how do we. How do we act? What are the behaviors based on these negative beliefs? What do we do? How do we cope with them? How is my life different because of them? What are the decisions I make often the ones that are counterintuitive to reaching my goals and to being happy. Right. And that could be anything from substance use to procrastination to, you know, having depressive reactions, whatever that is that.

That stem from that first one, the antecedent. So. Right, the antecedent. Right. The significant event. So I just say, all right, just think. I. So I tell clients, just think of significant events, things that happen to you that stand out in your mind. The first thing I say is, we're going to start with the negative therapy. We talk about negative stuff. So, like, let's have some fun, you know, let's talk about the negative. What are these things that stand out? You know? So clients will put a bunch of different things.

Now, some of them could be huge, like, you know, abuse. I experienced sexual, physical, you know what? Like, some, like, really big events. But a lot of times, the ones that really affect people could be a little more subtle. Like, I've had people say, you know, I had a poor grade on a test in third grade. Okay, why do you remember that? Right. If you're like, I don't remember just about anything from third grade. But if I remember something like that, it stood out in my mind. So a lot of times someone would be like, I failed to test in third grade.

And I'll give, like, an example, one of my clients, right? Failed the test in third grade, and from that point on, they felt stupid. So that became a core belief of theirs. A negative core belief is like, I'm not smart. Now, you could have a whole bunch of other experiences that inform that you don't have to. I don't tell them to write every single one down, but they're really the ones that stand out that led to that core. So we're always going deeper, deeper to the core, that visceral feeling. The core.

It's not like, well, I feel like I am not good at certain types of statistical analyses. I'm stupid because that's how our emotions, these are from when we were kids. This is simple. Just core raw feelings. I'm stupid, right? I'm unattractive. I'm unlovable. My dad left when I was a kid. I'm not worthy then, about the world, right? Like, I was abused. The world is a dangerous place. It's me against the world. So these are just ones that I'm throwing out, these really core, visceral drivers of our emotions and of our behavior that we don't always think about, because this is nothing new.

You know, these things happen. You know, you kind of believe these things about yourself, but when you see it in one place, it's like, okay, okay, I could really see how these negative beliefs inform some of these negative thought patterns that I have. And then looking at, okay, this is how it impacts me. This is how this shows up in my day to day life, right? And that's really important to recognize because especially, like, I had people do that before trauma therapy. Like, okay, well, what are those negative, significant events that we have to work on?

How do we change the way we view that? How do we unlearn some of those beliefs and behaviors? Because then the second part is looking at the same thing, but in a positive light, because most of the time we have conflicting beliefs. This client, he always had this complex about being stupid, but the dude went on to become a successful scientist, but still, at the core, had this belief that he wasn't good enough, that he was stupid, but he had these positive beliefs being like, okay, I'm actually pretty smart, right?

So it depends on where your mindset is at that moment. But at times, he did feel smart. Okay, what are the antecedents? What are the preceding events? What are the significant experiences that inform your belief that you're smart? Well, I graduated top of my class. I became a famous. I became a successful scientist. Right? So it's these opposing beliefs that you have. So then the work we do in therapy is, how do we decrease the negative and really reinforce and increase the positive? And there's a lot of ways to do this.

We talk about it. We share our emotions. We process in various ways. Processing is taking this information and putting it where it actually belongs in our mind. And so, you know, once we start to identify the positives, like, okay, what are those positive in the third column? What are those positive coping behaviors? What are some of those things that work towards my values? How can I reinforce these positive things? Because often when you're emotionally triggered, when you're depressed, when you're angry, your mind automatically goes to the negative.

I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. And my boss yell at me. Now I'm triggered by those things. And usually I have people whittle it down to, like, five. Five core beliefs, right? Because those are the core, right. I don't need to be. I'm stupid. I'm not good at math. I'm dumb. It all just boils down to this one basic thing, right? A branch, and many things that come. But what is the core? I'm stupid, right? And so you think about four or five of those and really focus on how to change those core beliefs, and the first step is to identify them.

Right. Now, let's say you're not doing this in therapy. Well, what can you do? Well, I think the best thing to do is really, you know, think, because a lot of times those positive ones are ones that we maybe know more logically, but our emotional self is telling us we're dumb, even though there's evidence to the contrary that we're not. Maybe the belief is so deeply held that both your mind and body, like, you actually believe this certain thing, right? You actually believe this. And that's a harder place to be, and that's harder to work with, you know, because there's just more to change.

And so doing the positive core beliefs is in and of itself a way of counteracting the negative and really identifying the truth, the positive. Because usually we skew, as humans, we skew more to the negative. So because we skew more to the negative, those beliefs usually get inflated, and then the negative and then the positive get deflated. So it's an imbalance of reality. So how do we shift that reality? And usually the more positive is true. And even if there is some truth to these negatives, hey, it's not helpful.

So how do we. How do we let those things go? How do we put those things behind us so that we could live our most effective life so that we could be as happy and content as possible? So in even just identifying the positive core beliefs, identifying the reason why you have those, looking at the evidence as to why those things are actually true, and then looking at the positive coping behaviors that you can do, the positive actions that you can take, the healthy actions that you take, that in and of itself is a good start.

And then from there, when you do get triggered in these negative core beliefs, the thing is, now you have awareness. That's the key, is awareness. You're like, oh, because as you do this, as you reinforce it, you're like, oh, wait a minute, I'm feeling this negative thing. I'm feeling this negative core belief. Oh, I'm wanting to cope negatively right. And you understand and you make that commitment to. When I'm feeling triggered in this way, I try to do my best to put my mind onto that positive.

Maybe even writing it down. I'm feeling stupid. Alright, I'm going to look at that sheet. I'm going to write down again all the reasons why I'm not. I'm going to write down all those positives and I'm going to do those healthy, positive coping behaviors to get me back into a more positive headspace. Because when I'm in that positive headspace, I'm much more likely to believe the positive, which is usually what is true. So that could be something that could be helpful for you and maybe eventually I'll share some of the materials I have on that.

But, you know, try to identify, like, okay, what are these negative core beliefs that I hold on to, you know, when I'm feeling in a negative place or just that I experience in general? Where do those come from? How do those affect me now? But then really do your best to identify the opposite, right? Because often the positive core beliefs are usually like the opposite. And even if they aren't, it's like, okay, let's identify what the opposite ones are and identify why those opposites are probably more true.

And then again, what can you do to reinforce those? So the more that you could stay in the positive, the more you could remember it, but also have an awareness of the negative so that you can shift, it's like a gear shift, reverse to drive, and it's the positive things that shift you back into drive into that more effective place, into that happier, more content place. So that's one of the number one things I work with clients on and it's a really good start to the therapy process. So I challenge you to, to try this out, to try this exercise and see if you find that to be helpful on your own.

All right, folks, that's all I got for today. I got my challenge for you, so I hope you got something out of that. And as usual, I'll see you.