Rules of Engagement

Good morning, Cadre. It is 11 o' clock Eastern, 10 o' clock Central, 9 o' clock Mountain, 8 o' clock Pacific. I don't even know what time it is in Hawaii. Delighted to be here with you. I'm going to give it a minute so people can come in if they choose. What can I say? I am in Silver Spring, Maryland. Been living here a little over a month. Really like it. Still like it. Had a good Memorial Day weekend. I actually took a holiday and Sunday was the 48th anniversary of the release of the film Star Wars.

I know it was other things, but that is one of the things that Sunday was. And my husband and I actually watched the original Star wars, which is now called Episode four A New Hope. It was not when it was released in the theaters. I'm not going to get going on my whole Star wars thing, but I will say I love it. You know, I might in honor. I wrote a piece about what Star wars means to me a few years ago in the Mary sue and Mark Hamill actually read it and. And tweeted something to me about it, which was when the notification for that tweet, when I saw that come through, I remember I was standing in a Starbucks and I froze in place for like two minutes.

And then I had to get my coffee and figure out how to get home so that I could basically have a little breakdown. Anyway, I love Star wars, if that wasn't clear. And so we watched it on Sunday and we were so. Because we had watched Andor season two. So we've watched all of Andor, which is the story of Cassian Andor, the member of the Rebellion who was in charge of. Good morning. Let's see. Amma Amar Ahmed. I don't know if I'm saying that correctly, but welcome. I'm very glad you're here. Good morning.

Watched all of Andor, which meant we wanted to watch Rogue One, which is the Star wars film that is about and led by Cassie Nandor, the rebel team that got the plans for the Death Star. So that. Well, I won't do. Spoiler alert. I won't tell you, but they got the plans for the Death Star, which means it goes Rogue One, goes directly into the next moment of A New Hope. And so we watched A New Hope. And then yesterday we watched the Empire Strikes Back. And maybe not tonight, but maybe tomorrow we're going to watch Return of the Jedi, which is just a delightful way to live and a delightful time to be alive, because I'm alive at the same time as Star wars, which I'm grateful for.

So, good morning. A couple Other T. North 66. Good morning. Yeah. Can see the reflection of my ring light and my glasses, but I don't know what else to do about it. If I'm going to see what people are doing today. I want to talk about rule of engagement number 27. Rule of engagement number 27. What is rule of engagement number 27, you might ask? It is something I have said aloud to myself for years. And I finally realized, is it a rule of engagement? Is it a guideline? I don't know. I'll go through and clean these lists up at some point.

But regardless, right now, it lives as a rule of engagement, and it is. Oh, I got it correct. Thank you for letting me know. Right now, number 27 is there are a thousand ways to get it right. And I say this to myself a lot because I am someone who's worried about getting something just right. I worry about, I don't know. I don't know how to do that. I don't know what that means. I don't know how to do it. These are chronic refrains. I had a coach point out to me that this was a refrain of mine. And I had.

I'd been aware of it, but not quite in the same way, because this coach pointed out, you say I don't know how as a way, as a bulwark against fear. It's like, well, I don't know how, so I'm just not going to try. And, you know, I've heard a lot of gifted and talented kids suffer from this. If we're not good at it right away, we don't want to do it. And I was literally a gifted and talented kid. I don't know if they still have gifted and talented programs. I've never parented someone in the school systems, but literally I was deemed gifted and talented in elementary school, and I'd be taken out of my classroom to go do special projects with other kids.

It was weird. It was weird, you know, And I appreciate and people understood that I was a little bored in class. And I appreciate that, right? I appreciate very much the librarian in my elementary school, Sunset Hills elementary, for anybody who went to the wayzata school system. I went to Sunset Hills Elementary School, which my mother would always laugh and say, it sounds like a retirement community. And I did not understand that joke as a kid. And now I totally understand that joke because it does sound like a retirement community.

Sunset Hills. But there was a side of the library for younger kids, right? K through 3. And then there was a side of the library for older kids, fourth grade through sixth grade. That's how our schooling was set up. Middle school, junior high started in seventh grade. And when I was in third grade my mother was there I think for you know, when they went to talk to her teachers or whatever, whatever they call those. And my mother was there and the librarian, they brought me to the big kid side of the library and I was still just in third grade.

And I just remember, I still to this day I can just remember how much I relaxed. I actually wrote my college essay. I wrote my college essay about being brought to the big kids side of the library and how much I love to read because the it was about Paddington Bear and how much I loved Paddington Bear. And so then I could check those books out myself. I was one of those kids who sat in the library reading. So all of that is to say, and I see North 66 that you saw New Hope the month you graduated from high school.

I saw it this summer. It came out. I was 8 years old. I still love it. I am going to post the title is How Star Wars Saved Me at the Mary Sue. I'm going to post that in Cadre because I think it's an important story to share. I was a gifted and talented kid. There were academic things came easily to me. It turns out I'm also physically, I'm actually very coordinated and I build muscle easily. So there are many, many sport related things that I could have done that I didn't do part because I was also an overweight kid.

I did not find out that I was athletic and an athlete until after I got sober. So in my 20s I started working out and I work out to this day and I'm hoping it will help me live a long life. Exercise matters. Good morning. Speak Wonder. Welcome. I'm very glad that you're here. Rule of engagement number 27. I had to really start telling myself because I there are a thousand ways to get it right because I have a lot of ambition. I am a very ambitious person. Usually for causes I care about or things I care about.

But I will own it also for myself. I mean you don't run for office or run for mayor without having some ambition for yourself. Even though that ambition takes the form of service. I'm a very ambitious person. I'm a very goal oriented person and if I am not allowed to start until I know how to do something, I will never start. Some things that are very important to me and I am not Pretending like I have this down right. I am struggling right now. There are some offerings I am going to make to the world in the next few months.

Classes I'm going to offer online. And I am dragging my feet, getting ready to do those because I'm scared to do it. I've never done it. The courage to change the things I can. For those of you devotees of the Serenity Prayer, it takes courage because I haven't done something before. So I remind myself over and over, there's a thousand ways to get it right. There are a thousand paths to the same destination, and I'm just gonna pick one. It's easier to do. I'm a person of faith, so it's easier for me to do when I understand that my higher power is not gonna let me fall down, that the universe is conspiring on my behalf.

I have a ring on my finger. I'm gon three fingers, even though that is, well, four. This ring right here, it says pronoia. My word of the year is allow. So that's the other ring there. But this ring here says pronoia. The belief, the conviction that the universe is conspiring on your behalf. People are out to get your good fortune, not out to get you. It's the opposite of paranoia. And it's. My spiritual principle is pronoia is to act like that. And I have a daily practice of asking myself what it would mean to allow myself to act like I believe in the things I believe in.

Now, full disclosure. What would it mean for me? Am I willing to allow myself to act like I believe in the God I believe in? And it's God for me, but it's whatever you believe in, whatever it is. Are you allowing yourself to act like you believe in what you believe in, whatever your values are? I value courage. Am I acting courageously? I value humor. Am I finding ways to laugh? I value integrity. Am I, you know, am I allowing myself to act in accordance with my values regardless. Regardless of convenience or comfort?

And if the answer is no to any of those things for too long, I am in trouble, right? So I am moving slowly toward these goals that I have that I'm scared about. But I am moving, right? I am moving. There's a thousand ways to get it right, Betsy. I don't have to have just the right business plan. I don't have to have every word correct in the email. At a certain point, taking the action is the way to get it right. Worrying about is it the right action eventually becomes not care. Intending of my path forward but care intending of the wall preventing me from moving forward.

Right. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing and that I am working hard, etc etc and I'm. And I'm providing excellence for clients and myself. But at a certain point, but at a certain point I am not caring and tending to my path. I am caring and tending to my barriers and I need to let them go. And one of the key ways I have of letting go of that behavior is to say there are a thousand ways to get it right. This is just one of them. I used to say it to my staff all the time. I see. So T North 66 I get stuck waiting for the next inspiration to continue working on the song I'm writing for my wife.

I have a high expectation for this love song to my wife and what she offers to our life together. Well, first of all, there are a thousand ways to get that song right. And, and second of all, at a certain point you're going to have to offer it courageously. Offer an imperfect offering which is a sign of love. If you are willing to offer something that is not perfect, that can be a sign of love. If that's something that you struggle with, if you struggle with slipshod work and doing half assing everything, then the sign of love is to be more careful and tend it more right.

Not there. You know, every tool is not for every hand. No tool is for every hand. But this is what I struggle with and what I'm sharing with you. Let's see. Amar Ahmed, what's your favorite part? Being a mayor. How was it being a leader? My favorite part of being mayor was being of service to people, was getting. You know, there was a day where I signed a piece of paper and 80,000 people got a raise. Right? There was a day because my leadership, because I led something through, right? There was a day where I signed a piece of paper after months of work and collaboration and such and every single person in the city of Minneapolis then got sick and safe time.

They got to earn sick and safe time through their work. I mean, those are pretty good days. Those are pretty good days. I personally, it was also extremely gratifying that every part of my brain and every part of my heart and every part of my spirit were invited to higher levels of capacity that it asked so much of me that I had to learn to put my brain and my heart and my spirit together that I had to overcome limiting beliefs about myself and the world in order to be of service in the ways that I wanted.

Those were incredibly gratifying and those are found, I think, in every form of leadership where you are really taking it on. Because the challenges that I just talked to you about, the thing that I'm trying to slow walk a little bit, I got some help. So I'm fast walking it more easily. I got some expert help. org is a great organization for people who have small businesses or want to accept expand their small business or start one. One of their programs is they will provide you with a volunteer business mentor.

And I have a great one, Diana, and she's helping me a great deal. But I think any kind of leadership, anything worth doing, not anything, lots of things worth doing. Ask all of that of you. I can't live in that level of intensity in too many spots. I also learned the places where I am prone to to clamber on top of my trauma in order to lead. That became very clear when I left office. And all of a sudden all the stuff I wasn't dealing with was in my face. And here I am at Cadre seven years later, like talking about it.

I had to do a lot of healing work when I left office as well, which means I'm trying to craft my new leadership path differently then I crafted that one. And I have no regrets about that one or few regrets, not even regrets. There are things that I now understand, would have been useful to understand then that I only understand now. But that's. There were a thousand ways to get it right. And my way was one of them. And my way was one of them. So speak wonder. Your mom is there. Hi Mom. Hi, June Bug.

I'm so glad you're here. So great to see everybody. So there are a thousand ways to get it right. I haven't said as much about that, but I hope I've demonstrated it. Just this idea. I'll take another minute or two. I know we're at time. This idea that there's more than one way, my way is okay. The way I can figure out is okay. It often allows me to give grace to the places I'm struggling. Right. The fact that I am a trauma survivor, which you will read about if you read my Star wars article that I will post on Cadre today, that even though I need to go to a lot of meetings, a lot of recovery meetings, even though I, you know, have to do a fair amount of spiritual time every morning, the fact that I get scared and I have to move more slowly than I used to move in order to move the pace of my capacity.

Another rule of engagement we talked about. There are a thousand ways to get it right. And those ways are one of the right ways. Right. The key way to get it wrong is not to do it at all. A key way for me to get it wrong is to do it while drunk. It won't happen while I'm drinking, let's be honest. But you know. And so you have asked the next question. What would you give to your younger self if you'd had the opportunity to start at a young age, to become an emerging leader? I want to address S D O H N M N I don't know what SDOH means, although I'm sure I'm supposed to.

Oh, good, Chumaga. I'm glad you love this. Shout out. We love you back. Speak Wonder is wonderful, by the way. I've had many opportunities for people to brag on me to my parents. Speak Wonder and my parents always enjoy it. And so I will just note, Speak Wonder is a powerful force for good here in Cadre, which means in the world. It has been a joy to be exposed to her fabulosity. Social determinants of health challenges. That's what that is. Okay. Advice I would give myself and then I'll end here because we are beyond time.

But feel free to reach out in the app too. We can have a little exchange. I'll give one piece of advice here and then maybe we can take it to the app. Whatever monkeys are riding your back, deal with them now. The biggest piece of advice I would give to an emerging leader is whatever you're struggling with, address it now. Don't think that accomplishment will fix problems. So I got sober at 19. I started therapy, I think at 20 or 21. I redoubled those efforts in my early 20s and have not regretted it at all.

I've consistently gotten help and resource for the pain and challenges that I was carrying. So whatever it is, make sure to know yourself and know yourself well. Start exploring who you are, what your values are. Get help. Learn how to ask for help right now. Ask for support and help like you did. Which is great, which is great, which is great. But that would be two, I think, things that I would say right away. All right, I am now going to end this. I hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend if you're in the United States.

Most of you are, I think, and I look forward to more next week and and more opportunities to engage with everybody in the app. But until then, I hope that everybody there are a thousand ways to get it right. And that means you too, Junebug. Okay, bye.