Rachel’s Room🛋️

Happy Wednesday Cadre crew. Hello. Hello. Happy Wednesday at our regular scheduled time. Oh, my God, these are dirty. Why is it that, like, no matter how much I clean these, they do not stay clean? Where's my glasses? My dad bought me glasses cleaner. We love that. Thanks, dad. Happy Wednesday. I hope you are all existing, being humaning all the things. Oh, crap, I did that wrong. I sprayed on here instead of my. I'm having one of those weeks, you guys. Okay, I just have to tell you this before I share anything useful.

I woke up yesterday morning and went to my kitchen to discover that I had left my refrigerator door, not a jar, not cracked open fully open overnight. Like, door completely open for 12 hours. Like, I really hope that I don't get salmonella because I'm definitely eating the food that was in there because I just on grocery shopping and I don't want to have to spend money again on groceries. But yeah, that was not fun to wake up to. And then I made my coffee and I have one of those, like, milk foamer things from Amazon.

Put my milk in there and do the whole like, frothy, foamy thing and pour my milk into my coffee and. And go to take a sip and it tastes like soap. And I realized that I left soap in my coffee foamer overnight to soak it and didn't take the soap out. So then my. My coffee was soapy. Then I go outside with Milo to take him for a walk and see literal, like, flies eating a dead baby fetus. And I had my coffee with me. I made a new one. And as I'm walking back inside, I see that there's a bug in my coffee.

Like, everything yesterday was happening and being like the universe was like, don't leave your house today, Rachel. Like, s*** is going to go down. And yesterday was the day that I was gonna get bangs. So I think that was the universe's way of saying, don't do it, Rach. But I really want to look at how we're just ranting today. Like, these are clip ons that I bought. Like, look how fun this is. Wouldn't that be so fun? Wouldn't that be so fun? Tell me it's a good idea, please, because I really want to do it.

I really want to do it. Like, it looks just. It just looks. I feel like I look. It's just like 10 times cooler. Like, I'm tired of trying to look cute. I just want to look, like, different, you know, I want to look edgy. I want to look edgy. That's Why I have these glasses because they make me feel edgier. All right. I feel like that's a really great transition in today's topic, which is indecisiveness, which I'm really good at. I'm currently watching Emily in Paris. I'm re watching it on Netflix.

And there's an episode where she's, hi, Jules. Hi, junk food junkie. Hi, Speak wonder. There's an episode where she's in French class and the French teacher says, can somebody translate this on the board? And it basically translated from French to English means not making a choice is still a choice. And I love that because I think that's true. And I think so many times I kind of get into a place where I have something I'm trying to decide right now. I'm trying to decide if I should get bangs. And I will go to every single person I know and ask them what they think.

What they think, what they think. What should I do? What should I do? Should I do before I make a decision? And I'm either looking for someone to validate that what I want to do is a good idea, or I'm looking for someone to talk me out of it because I'm second guessing myself either way. I'm second guessing myself either way. I am looking for external confirmation or something external to somehow make the decision for me, because I don't trust myself. And I think this is really important because so often in my life, I have fielded my decisions based off what other people think rather than just doing what feels right for Rachel.

And the more times I do that, the more times I walk down a path that is not really meant for me. And I end up having to get off that path when I realize actually this is not who I want to be or what I want to do. And I have to get off that path and backtrack. And then I'm back here again. And I feel like after I got divorced, there was so many. So many paths I tried to go down because I was experimenting with like, okay, well, who am I now without partner? Who am I now that I'm not a wife? Who am I now that I live alone?

Who am I now that I'm single? Like, who is Rachel at 31 versus the Rachel that was who she was when she met him. And there was a lot of experimenting, which I think was such a great idea. And I think during that process, I learned how many times I abandoned my own desires, my own wishes, my own opinions, my own aesthetics, my personality, my. My interests. Because I want other people to like me or because I want other people to approve of me. And I've done this in dating. I've done this with friends.

Whether it's like, the clothing I wear, the music I listen to, my f****** hairstyle, the way I talk, the way I present myself. Like, I'll try and mold myself to be something for somebody else in order to be accepted or belong or liked. And anytime I come up across a moment in my life where I'm having all of this indecisiveness, I remind myself of this quote from Emily in Paris on Netflix that not making a choice is making a choice. And the choice that I'm making by not making a choice is I'm giving somebody else power, and I'm giving away my own.

And I'm giving away my own intuition. I'm giving away who I want to be, who I know that I am. I'm giving away an opportunity for me to actually become the person that feels right for me and then attract people that will really see me, rather than trying to become something for somebody else. So this is something I'm trying to work on. I'm trying to lean much more into listening to myself. Cause I know what I want best, and if I get it wrong, then I learn, right? Like, if I go get bangs and I'm like, crap.

I really didn't like that. It's not somebody else's fault for telling me to do it. Like, I learned, like, okay, I tried something. Maybe it wasn't really me, but now I know that for sure by making that choice myself rather than trying to get somebody else to tell me to do it and then getting to blame them for that, right? So then I also get to take ownership of my. Of my actions. So all that's to say, if you're feeling indecisive about anything, I invite you to stop telling everybody else what you're gonna do or asking them.

Sit with yourself and ask yourself. Or even visualize. This is something I like to do. I like to visualize. Visualize, like, my path of life for, like, maybe the next month or year or whatever, if I make this choice. And obviously this is for not necessarily just something like getting bangs. Like, this could be, like, a job opportunity or applying for school or a relationship. Like, it could be a big decision kind of a thing. Visualize myself by making a certain decision. How does that feel on my body?

Where do I feel that? What emotions come up? What other things am I seeing if I make that choice? And then kind of cleansing that out and doing it again with another choice and sort of letting your body feel into what it would feel like to make each of those choices. So that is my little spiel for the day. I have to go to work now. I am working at my restaurant job tonight, which I do infrequently, but it's a nice little extra source of income. So I have to go, and I have to pick up my prescription.

Make sure you take your meds, kids. I adore you all. And I will see you same time, same place next week. Ta da. Oh, I'm still here. Okay, Tata.