Comedy Through The Chaos: Last Day Of 10th Grade

Hello and happy Thursday to you, Cadre Sphere. I hope that the Thursday is treating you well. If it is not, shame on Thursday for being that way. We'll come at it later. If you're watching me in a replay whatever day that you are watching, I hope that the same thing is happening on that day that it is treating you well. If it is not, we will come at it later. How dare it do that. So I am Ms. Shannon, thank you for joining us. Here in the Cadre sphere. I go through comedy through the chaos. It's a variety of things that I do as a comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, venomc benefit auctioneer, hubbing out of the great state of Minnesota.

But primarily I am also the full time caregiver for my adorable autistic 17 year old. He is. Which brings me to today's conversation. I'm a little conflicted, so I'm feeling a little, a lot of the feelings today. Today is his last day of 10th grade, so his last day of 10th grade today. And so it was, you know, a typically complex morning for us. Like he doesn't really get that this is the last day that he has until he will go back to summer school in July. But he's get a break after this, which I was trying to explain to him, but he doesn't get it.

So I'm like, can we please just make it to your last day? I need to pick up your stuff and you need to go. And the reason why it requires a big emotional lift for me is the fact that as much as I really love that we'll get a break from having to rush out of the house and to do things like that, it's also the time of the year that then I have to figure out how to occupy them. Hello. Hello. Welcome in that like Yoder. Oh, I like that. That's a good one. Hi, nice to meet you. Welcome to comedy through the Chaos.

I was just in the midst of telling a story about the fact that today is my son's last day of school. This is last day of 10th grade. And my kiddo, who's fabulous also happens to be high supports in the autism spectrum. So summers are complicated, you know, for us, I mean we. Full disclosure, they used to be really hard. And over time I feel like I've gotten more things in my mom and caregiver toolkit so that our summers are not as complex. But there are lots of times when by the end of the summer I was at my wit's end because for us, as complicated as the school Year might be it still leads to a lot of routine and routine is good for our house because routine gives him more opportunities to know what's coming to work on his self regulation and all of those things.

And so as much as it's frustrating some days because we're running late or we didn't have the best day at school, it's still a lot easier because he's got his entire team and, and I'm very fortunate that he has a good team supporting him at school. So last summer was honestly the best summer we'd had in years. You know, I think I, I had collected a lot of things to keep him bus. Fortunately, I was able to kind of ramp down my work schedule so that I could work on some things more specifically with them and keep them occupied.

But that's also the reason why summers are hard. I mean, it gives, you know, as a, a full time caregiver when he's in school. That's that period of time where I get to hyper focus on my stuff on work stuff on whatever it is and not feel guilty that I'm not caring for my son because he's where he's supposed to be. So the summers are harder for that as. But last year, like I said, I, he did much better. And it was the first summer in a long time where by the time we got to Labor Day, that back to school time, I didn't feel like I was, you know, perpetually in adrenal exhaustion.

I didn't feel like I was on the brink of tears at any given time by being a terrible parent for my kiddo. I felt like we had a good summer. You know, it was a summer of that was perfectly imperfect, but it worked. And that's what I'm hoping for this year. I feel like I've also worked on some things. I've gotten some new things in my toolbox in comparison to last year because you know how it is, things work until they don't. So you got to have something new that you can work on as well. And I know that I have his behaviorist and.

Hello Lauren, welcome in. Thanks for joining us on Comedy through the Chaos. Um, and I remind myself that that's part of it, is that this journey of care that I'm on with my son isn't something that's going to be over tomorrow. It's something that I'm like, hey, you're in this for a while. So it's important to me to keep learning and keep building the support systems that we have that are for him that are also for me. Um, and so I just want to remind anyone who's watching if you are in that role as a caregiver, that it can feel very odd.

And this can be another one of those times throughout the year when you are grieving, whatever the definition of normalcy is, you're grieving the. Well, I see other families doing X, Y and Z, and we don't get to do that. And that is okay for you to feel that sense of loss. I know. I feel it sometimes. And we do really well. And he and I have a good time, don't get me wrong. But, yeah, it is hard to watch other people going off on these, you know, more standard definitions of what vacations are or the way that they occupy the summer space and those things.

And to know that that really isn't the right thing for you and the right thing for the people that you. You love and you care for. And it may feel like they're missing out on something. And I have to continually remind myself that I'm giving him the best that I'm able. And I'm also really being very intentional with finding out what it is that he wants to do and not pre guilting myself about something that he may not even be into. And I can't really tell because of the way that he. We communicate with each other.

So releasing yourself from that guilt, releasing yourself from feeling bad about grieving, what it could have been. Hi, Sarah. Welcome in. I think it's really important, you know, over time periods like this, when you're going through summer vacations and seeing, you know, especially since we live in a land of social media, when you are seeing these examples of other people going off to some wonderful amusement park or something that may not be the right place for you and the person that you care for and reminding yourself that whatever your current situation is, that you're doing the best to make it work for yourself and to make it work for the person that you care for.

And you don't need to continually compare yourself to what everybody else is doing. And that's hard. I mean, I like to do that too, sometimes. There's always plenty of time when I'm like, oh, we should be, or I'm the worst, because I'm not, and I release myself and you from all those things. So what we plan to do over the summer is that I've really built out a lot of, like, you know, backyard water park type things, like, almost to the point that here's all the options. My plan for my particular kiddo is to just put things in his path.

Because, yes, I have a kid that's on the spectrum, but I also have a teenager. So sometimes if mom brings it up, he's wanting nothing to do with it. And the answer is going to be no, because that's his favorite game right now, is using his no on his mom. So, you know, and so. Hey, Speak Wonder. Thank you for sharing earlier today. I appreciated your message earlier. I caught you in the replay. But releasing myself from feeling bad about not taking him to Disney World, releasing myself for feeling bad about not taking anyplace else, it's that we are going to do things that make sense and are going to be fun for us.

We are going to make memories in the way that makes sense for he and I. And I'm not going to continue to rest in the what I thought this journey was going to be. And that is incredibly difficult because, yeah, there's lots of moments when I look back when I thought of what I was going to be as a mom. Yeah, that definition is a lot different than what it actually turned out to be. But it's really good and I'm really proud of him. You know, I put the picture in our community chat here in Cadre of him.

He's in. He had his bowler hat on today. It might be a pork pie hat, but I'm calling it a bowler hat because that's what he called it when he found the picture. So you're welcome. Speak Wonder. He wanted a bowler hat, and so now he has bowler hats. And I appreciate him being able to communicate that with me. And over the summer, if I can get him to not just hang out in his room, he's turned it into a little teenager cave. That's fine. But you still got to come out and we got to do something else if we manage to do that.

And it turns into a good interaction with his mom and not a meltdown. Hey, snaps for me, that's what I'm looking for this summer, if we manage to make it, you know, to summer school. Because that's a little early for him. You know, it starts earlier thing. Do you have any thoughts on being a daughter? On being a daughter? Well, I mean, you know, I am a daughter. Is that what you mean? Or having a daughter? So what's your question, Lauren? So, I mean, I think that some of my particular unspooling that I had to do that I've been working on myself with is some different layered complexities that I have with my mother and the way that we worked things out.

A caregiver. Yeah, I, you know, I really think that, you know, if you're looking at it from this perspective, because I do have a number of friends that are in that sandwich generation where they, they are caring for their parents. And again, I don't think that a lot of us, especially if you're from this American diaspora, we are getting more accustomed to doing that. But there's a lot of situations where we necessarily were not organically planning on that from when we were younger. We weren't sitting there going, this is going to be a multi generational household.

I'm eventually going to be taking care of, of my, my parent and doing that kind of thing. So what kind of daughter? I want to be where I am because I want to be independent. Understandable, understandable. I think that we do want to be independent. I appreciate that. So if you're looking at it, I can, I think I'll address that question a couple of different ways. So if you are the daughter who are caring for somebody, I think that there's ways that you can figure out what I call increasing your tether.

And then I'm going to get to the other perspective in another, in a minute. For me, it's me going, how can I leave enough space for myself to grow and thrive, but still make sure that I am a quality caregiver for my son? And so that means that part of my definition of me is always going to be that, yes, I'm a mom and I'm a caregiver, but it's also going, how can I still have my identity? That's part of that, but not solely that. Now, from the other side, let's say that you are a daughter who is also being cared for.

And I have some wonderful friends who are in that situation where they need a boost from their parents. They are able to navigate this world a lot on their own. They do self advocate for themselves, but they also know that there are certain situations where it is of benefit to have a caregiver provide them with a different variety of supports. So it might be much lower supports than I do for my son. He happens to require some higher support to be able to thrive. But if you're in a situation, I have some friends that are in some lower supports.

I think that it's really just figure out a way to advocate and communicate for yourself and to go, here's the type of support that I can use. It's the kind of support where, hey, I need you to check on me and make sure that these bills are paid? Or can you look through this situation and make sure that I'm not getting scammed? Can you proofread something for me? Maybe there are lower supports that are required, and then you can just kind of communicate it that way and go, here's the amount of supports that I need in order to best thrive.

And then I think is required for both of us to figure out, how do we work from a level of trust? Because even with my kiddo who takes higher supports, there's times where he looks at me like, mom, why don't you trust me? Because I'll go in there and be like, what are you doing? What do you got going on? That's what moms of teenagers do. We're big buzz kills, Laura. We're big buzz kills. Because I'm like, okay, what shenanigans are you up to? I literally just bought a new sign that talks about. I'm the.

The corny sign lady, so it's backwards, but I'm going to read this to you. It says, this home is built on love and shenanigans. This home is built on love and shenanigans is what it says. And so I am not the only one causing the shenanigans. Thank you for laughing. I also think it's funny, but we have a lot of shenanigans. So sometimes I'm in there, I hear him thumping around. I walk in there with full mom like, what's going on? And he's like, I'm just hanging out here watching my iPad. What do you mean, what am I doing?

And so I had to throttle myself back and go, trust. We need trust on both sides. So I have to trust that, yes, he needs. Thank you very much. Speak wonder. I agree. Thank you very much. I do love it as well, Lauren. But I also think that that trust has to be built. And again, I use the. The. The conversation about communication, because if you don't tell each other, then you don't know. And so my son, I've had to figure out how to communicate this back and forth so he understands that I do trust him.

And he does have a way to showcase his autonomy and to be the boss of whatever he needs to be the boss of. But I also need to manage to figure out how to interject so that he is safe. And so there's some of that going on. So basically, if you want to share anything about, you know, a time period when you're like, oh, I think I'm supposed to be happy Right now, I think I'm supposed to act a certain way. And then it's really one of those. The reality is you're acting differently and you're not alone and going, well, you know what?

This is a hard time of year. And summer can definitely be one of those. It's a big transition. It's a big seasonal transition. Usually we are, regardless of where you are in the country, you know, I mean, even here in Minnesota, you know, I saw Speak Wonder talking about how it was a pretty hot day there as well, where she is, that it's a big transition. We went through all this time, we went through all this rain. We're wondering what's going to happen next. And you feel this. I. This need to sprint through the summer because, you know, you have to get these things done because winter is on its way.

Instead of allowing yourself to rest in this moment, going here is what we actually have right now. So over the next week, I would love for everybody just to kind of think about, you know, are you putting too much weight on this time of year? Are you creating an unrealistic expectation for yourself and the people that either care for you or you care for. Because you have this expectation of, here's all of the things we have to do. We grew up watching Brady Bunch episodes and we know what the summer is supposed to be like.

We're gonna stop all that. We're gonna stop all that. So allow yourself to kind of let that shift start to happen in your brain of there's no such thing as this is what we should be doing this summer. Here's what we're going to do over the summer, and here are the memories that we are going to make and the shenanigans that we are going to get up to over the summer. I encourage you to do that. So also, I do want to encourage you to, you know, get out of all of us here in the Cadre sphere. If there's something that you would like us about, let us know.

If you want to know where I bought that sign, let me know. If you want to know about what. We also want to know what we can do to support you and the other things that are going on here. There's such a wide breadth of. A therapist told me, empathy without boundaries is self destruct. It is. I agree. I agree. And empathy, especially if you are the person who naturally is an empathy, can absolutely drain you. And you also as. And I say this from example, from being. I want as much laughing as possible.

Yes, that is a great thing. For the summer. I also am an empath and have had to learn that setting up boundaries was highly protective of my space and my energy. And it's difficult because you want to help and then just figuring out, yeah, you can do that. But there's just a natural thing that happens when you're an empath where you can so deeply feel what other people are going on to the point that you don't allow yourself to refill yourself after you get depleted. So I agree with your therapist, like, it is really, not only do you need to figure out what the boundaries are, you need to figure out what you do to refuel, you know, kind of thing.

I watch a lot of superhero movies and I watch a lot of sci fi and fantasy type thing. So I look at it from that world where it's, hey, at any given time, if you had a battery or if you had something or a potion or spell, if you used up that energy, then in that story, you would have to figure out, how do you refill that energy? How do you get that power back so that you can do it again? And so I had to start trying to figure out in my mind, how do I refill, how do I give myself time? Also, I, you know, part of the reason why I like these silly signs and these funny signs is because that's a way that I can give myself, like, little mini energy boosts and refill my personal power banks a little throughout the day.

Because, you know, if you're talking about, you know, if laughter is one of those things that refills you, I get a little jazz every time I look around. I have a sign that says, you know, one of those. This, Bless this house with love and laughter. You know, I have a house, you know, I have a bunch of signs around that say things like, welcome to our variety of clean, you know, like, stuff like that. Because when I see those things and I read those and those around me, that refuels me. So maybe there's a version of that.

Maybe it's, you know, you change your. Your phone background to be something that when you look at it, you get a little thing. For a lot of people, it's our essential oils that we keep around at any given time, you can do a little dab here and there when you need it. So also do that from the side of an empath so that you have things that surround you that give you that little energy boost throughout the day. And if you think of any other, I'll be happy for you to leave that in the Chat. I am going to do my last.

I promised my kiddo that I was going to get him some provisions. He is very into a bunch of beverages like tea and those things. So I said I would pick those up before I went to pick him up. So I'm gonna go and do that. So, yeah. Password. I make. That's a good one. That's a good idea. Yeah. Mine are my version of inspiring, so that's probably good too. So, like, having something that makes you laugh, it will imprint to that, so. Which is why this is called comedy through the chaos. I agree. We can use comedy for a lot of things.

Sometimes we use it to distract. Sometimes we use it to start conversations. Sometimes we use it to refuel. So do that as well. So, yes, the essential oils helps a lot. So I always encourage you, if you have not seen my friend speak, Wonder and the Harbor Violets, go and check that out. We have so much content that's going on here in the Cadre sphere. That is the point is to have a variety of contributors that are giving you whatever boost you need at the time. And so that's what we'll just keep doing.

So if there's anything that comes up over the weekend, feel free to drop it in here. I'll make sure I address it next time. Thursday, I should be coming to you from the exotic locale of Louisville. Louisville, Kentucky, because I'm heading out for a conference that I'll be emceeing there. So wish me luck. We'll see how that goes with my kiddo. And so I'm gonna pick him up and hopefully he had a good day. It's gonna be a good last day. And for all of you, I hope that it is a good day into whatever you are moving into next.

And I will see you next week, everybody. 19.