Rachel’s Room🛋️

Happy Wednesday Cadre Crew. Hello. I am joining you live from Lopez island and visiting my mom. Look at this view. They're headed out now, right? They're going down into the, into the garden. Nice to get away a little bit to visit family, hopefully. Okay. Hi, Rach. Okay, good. Checking to see if it was working because I've not gone live while I've been here, so I'm glad the WI fi is working. So today I wanted to talk to you guys about two things. One is this concept of being too old to do things for the first time and debunking that.

And the other one is listening to, learning to listen to yourself and try to trust and trust what you like, that you know, what you need most. So last Saturday I went to my very first rave as a 36 year old. And I, at no point was I like, I'm too old to do this. Like, I didn't have that, any of that like, narrative. But I was really anxious because I get really, really overwhelmed in big crowds. Like super, super overstimulated. I don't like, I really don't like going to big concerts for that reason.

Like, I don't like not being, feeling like I can exit or see the exit or like find my friends or being like that close to other people, like in like such close proximity. And I don't really listen to EDM music, so it's also like not really my scene music wise. So I was a little anxious going, but I said yes because I've never been to a raid before and what is Milo doing? And. And one thing that I have discovered in the last several years, especially as I get older and I start to like grapple with the fact that like I'm not going to be here forever is like I want to, I want to try new things.

Like I don't want to feel like I'm too old to do things for the first time, that I can't have new experiences just because I've lived a certain amount of years or that certain things are off the table because of my age. Like, I don't ever want to be at a point in my life where I'm like, oh, I'm too old, so I can't do that. Like I would like to be 80 years old and still doing things like within reason of what my body can do and experiencing life. And I know a lot of that too is like I spent most of my 20s deeply depressed and suicidal.

And so I feel sometimes like I'm making up for lost time. Like I feel like I'm making up for all those years that I didn't really fully live. Sometimes to my detriment, like, I'll burn out because I try and do too much. But so, yeah, I said yes. And. And I was really proud of myself because I, like, the first two hours, like, I was probably. I spent more time by myself, like, on the outskirts of the crowd than I did with my friends because I was so incredibly anxious that I needed to remove myself.

And, Rachel, 10 years ago, like, this, like, me 10 years ago, instead of, like, letting. Doing what I needed to do for my anxiety, I'm also, like, verbalizing that to my friends. I would have either just left without telling anyone, or I would have drank a lot of alcohol to cope. And so the fact that I, like, was able to tell my friends, like, hey, I'm just gonna let you guys know. I'm gonna walk over to the water because I'm overwhelmed. I'm probably gonna have to do this, like, really frequently.

But I just. But I'm okay. I'm just. This is what I need to do. And I did that for the first two hours. Like, I would find my group again, and then in literally 10 minutes, I'd say, okay, I gotta go take a break again. And at a certain point, I started to, like, get really, like, upset because I was like, what am I even doing here if I'm spending most of my time alone? I'm not even enjoying the music. I'm not with my friends. Like, maybe I should just go home. And I walked, like, all the way towards the, like, the exit so I could, like, really, like, be away from the music and, like, sit with myself and be like, okay, what do I need to do right now?

What do I need? What am I. What am I actually overwhelmed about? What's causing me anxiety? And I called a friend and asked her to give me a pep talk and, like, kind of talk me through my options. And she was like, look, Rachel, like, you're probably never gonna go to one of these again, right? Like, you already know that. Like, it's not your thing. Fine. So you could call it now and just go home, or you could stick it out, be with your friends and, like, just know that, like, it doesn't have to be the most amazing experience in the world, but it doesn't mean that you can't, like, still spend time with the people that you're there with.

And I was like, okay, you're right. Like, I can. Like, I'm not, like, having a panic attack. Like, I don't like being around all these people, but, like, I'm. I'm physically okay. I'm safe. I'm with people I love who care about me. All this is, is music and people dancing. Like, that's all it is. And so for the rest of the time, I, like, I had a really good time and I left and I was like, and I don't ever need to do it again. And so it was just like, a really good reminder that a. Like, I'm not too old to do anything new.

It's. There's always time to try new things. And also, like, it's okay to do the things I need to do to cope with whatever's coming up in the moment. And there are people who will support me. Like, my friends did not shame me or make me feel bad about the fact that I was anxious. They were like, whatever you need to do is fine. Like, take care of yourself. Let us know if you need anything. And like, I did start to have some of those thoughts of, like, oh, I'm being, like, I'm being a burden because I'm not having a good time or I'm ruining their time.

I also started to have these thoughts of, like, nobody cares that I'm having a bad time because no one's checking on me. And I had to do a lot of, like, self talk, like, while I was, like, sitting alone. Of, like, your friends are just out there having a good time. They're not ignoring you. They know you can take care of yourself. You've told them that you're walking away. Like, you didn't ask anyone to go with you. And no one's, no one's shaming you or making you feel bad for doing what you need to do.

They're actually supporting you. And so there was a lot of, like, self talk that had to happen to, like, navigate those few hours where I was just, like, super anxious and overwhelmed and not really sure what to do. And so it was also, like, a really good reflection of, like, all of the, like, all of the things that, like, I've worked on in therapy. Like, those are skills that I've learned. Those are not things I was taught. Those are not things I knew how to do. Like, and sometimes I don't think that the things that I've learned in therapy are actually doing anything until I have moments like that where I can.

I can see, like, how in, like, if that same scenario had happened years ago, I would have spun the story that my friends hated me, that I was ruining their time that nobody cared about me, that I was, like, not fun to be around, that no one was gonna want to, like, hang out with me again. Like, I. The stories would have spun themselves so deeply, and I also wouldn't have been able to, like, talk myself down from the anxiety. And so to be able to, like, like, recognize that growth, too, is, like, so.

It's so cool. And so I, like, I also feel like we. We oftentimes don't give ourselves an opportunity to recognize that when that happens for us, because once a new behavior becomes automated, it doesn't feel like work anymore. And so it doesn't feel like something that was actually to do when in reality, like, those things take time and practice to become habitual, to become the norm, to become the way that we actually operate. So please make sure that you're, like, giving yourself a chance to check in on your own growth and notice, like, these small things that might not seem like a big deal, but, like, the ways in which you have worked on your own mindset or your own heart and the ways that that's showing up that it didn't used to.

And congratulate yourself for that and feel proud about it because it's a really big deal. It's a really big deal. And also, it's never. It's never too late to try something new. But I'm never going to a rave again, ever. That's not true. I might go to another one, but it was not for me. Like, so maybe not for a while. Yeah. But, yeah, that's my little story for you today. And if it resonated, let me know in the comments. I'm just going to read a couple things here. Hi. Speak wonder. Looks like you're in a farmhouse.

Yeah, I'm at my mom's right now, so I'm out on Lopez Island. It is quite stunning, I must say. I must say. Yeah, let's just talk about that in therapy. Awesome. Hi, Nikki. Your friends are keepers. I agree it has taken some time to find them, but I love them. They're great. All right, my loves, I will see you next week at 2pm back in my home, back in my actual room. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day and I will see you next week.