Freedom, Can I Handle It?

Foreign. Hey. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. My name is Brittany. I'm a contributor here. And today's or this month's theme is freedom. Freedom, mean freedom. Have a love, hate, sometimes vibe. And I was like kind of hating this theme overall because I struggle with freedom. So it's like kind of like one of those moments too when you go, oh, I have like a. An aversion to something. You're like, okay, it's probably good that this is the theme because, like, I need to obviously work some stuff out. And my live stream, I feel like, is kind of this vibe this week is absolutely acknowledging, you know, like, not maybe necessarily going, I have to make a big old change, but like acknowledging why I struggle with that.

I think that is like the theme. So let's talk about who I am. My name is Brittany Hagan. Hello. This is Dublin. And I have been sober for almost 15 years. It'll be 15 years this month. So that's freaking wild. I am sober. I am a mom. I am a divorcee. I am ex military. I was a combat medic. Hi, Rick. I currently have a radio show. It's gossip talk radio. It's everything. I love it. And I want to kind of lean into like the idea that when I was in the military, I was a combat medic. I was attached to an infantry unit and we had everything planned out always.

And think about the deployment, think about when we're in training. Everything was planned for us. What we were eating, what we were doing, what we were wearing, how we were getting from point A to point B. You just kind of show up and everything was planned for you. So that's found yourself a lot of times, especially like on my deployment and was basic training and a lot of trainings, I would have these thoughts of, like, when I have free will, like I'm gonna do so many things right. Cause it's one extreme or the other.

In the military, either everything signed out or they let you go act a fool. And so that became kind of a problem for me. Like, I struggled with using my freedom in. In a way that was productive. I was either one extreme or the other. I still struggle with that. Like, only recently. So I have a three year old little Go Go. Her name is Margot, but we call her Gogo. She's so cute. So only as of recently, I went to 50, 50 custody. I used to be with her all the time. And it was what I liked. I like having a job.

I like being productive and I like being busy. That's one thing about me is like again, I'm not saying I have to change, but I am saying, like, why does that feel good to me? Where does that come from? Like, where do those motives lie? So again, I used to just either be with Margo. I'd be with Margo in the morning and then in the afternoon I'd go to my show, I'd go to a radio show and then I'd come home and be with Margo again. And that was my, I was living pretty small life, but it was busy and it was jam packed and I really liked it.

I have this friend, Colleen. She told me the other day that she highly recommends that like she does this thing once a year where she goes to her cabin all by herself, she doesn't have any plans and she just goes, there it hangs. That's like my actual hellscape. And I like, I get it. Like I don't know if I'm ready to make big changes because I still jam pack my day. Even this, I'm like, just came from a workout class, can tell with the hair and my next. I've got like 40 things I'm going to do after.

So I'm not ready to really make those changes where I don't jam pack my day yet. Because again, I struggle with freedom. I struggle with what I've deemed lack of purpose. I've struggled with free time, I struggle with self worth. JC just did an amazing livestream talking about enoughness and I struggle with that. And what I've dictated is like worthwhile time. That's where I find the motives to be unhealthy. Like, even though it makes me kind of like a highly productive person, I get a lot done.

I get to do cool things like this because I schedule my time out like a crazy person. I struggle with what the motives are, why, you know, I'm sure there's like an alternate universe Brittany that has hours to herself and doesn't like schedule it all out or trust in her own instincts. I mean it's not in this timeline, so. But I struggle with what my motives are and why I struggle with freedom. Like that's something I'm still kind of like flushing out. And like what's healthy, what's not healthy.

And again, it's like the motives things because like that's also my personality type. But if the motives aren't there and if like I can't sit with myself, doesn't feel, doesn't feel great. Like it doesn't feel like if I'm really using my brain, if I'M really using my judgment. Is that super healthy I am working on. There's. There's a lot of parts of me that like, do lean into that as well. I have a lot of animals I take on fostering is those. Are those also ways to distract myself from being still from making decisions?

I like chaos. And it's like, especially because I've been almost this month be sober for 15 years, I have a lot of things that I've given up to literally lean into that, like chaos and that craziness in a way that I think serves me. But again, what are the motives? I think that for me in general, too, it's like anything. Too much of anything is. Is not great for me. I've got an addictive personality. I've got. I have to watch out with too much structure and too much freedom. So, I mean, holler if you also struggle with that.

So this being my first July. Oh, my God. Get your booty out of there, Devlin. It's not that kind of show. This being my first July livestream about freedom. I think I'm going to benefit from continuing to figure out where that comes from for me. And it's something I really want to bring. I want to have a. I want to keep having chats around that. And I'm going to. I'm very lucky because I've been jumping on other people's livestreams lately and really listening and hearing out their thoughts around freedom and what freedom means to them.

And it's funny, a word that seems so simple, right? Freedom, you would go. It's a positive, right? And it's so funny what emotions things like that bring out in all of us. So that being said, I hope you're in a good place. Those who are like me and are working on their sobriety every day, just remember, weekends can be hard. Make sure you have a game plan. And something I've been acknowledging lately. Cause I'm going out and about tonight to a bachelorette party, which is like wild. Like, when are.

When are those over? Because I'm almost 40. Like, can those. Are those almost done yet? My advice this week around sobriety is remember, nobody is looking at what you're drinking. Nobody cares because they are really focused on what they're doing and they think that you're looking at them. And it. In conclusion, it's like at the gym, nobody cares what you're doing because they're obsessed with themselves. So keep that in mind and you don't have to explain anything to anyone. It's very powerful to not be in a place of having to tell people much.

I've discovered this recently because I'm meeting new people with this whole divorce and moving. Is that when somebody goes, oh, can I buy you a drink? Or would you like a drink? No, thank you. That's all you have to say. You don't have to tell them much. So good luck on your weekend. I hope that you are having an amazing weekend, and I hope to talk to you guys soon. Bye. I'm sure my cat's gonna come attack me any.