Comedy Through The Chaos: Parenting Edition: Safe Cutoffs for Parents

- Hello, hello, hello, and happy Saturday Cod Race Sphere. I hope that the day is treating you well. If it is not, shame on it, not shame on you. I am Ms. Shannon Paul, a variety of word related things like comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, van MC and benefit auctioneer, and hubbing out of the great state of Minnesota. Today I am here to share with you our Saturday edition of Comedy Through the Chaos, where we cover some comedy through the chaos from a parenting perspective. Hello, Maffy, hello, speak wonder.

I was gonna bring you up, hello, my friend. Hello, hello, everybody. It is Saturday here, if you're watching me live, if you're watching me in the replay, whatever day it is for you in the future. I appreciate that for you, hello. So as we continue talking about the concept of safety, it's funny how these topics end up being like those things when you decide that you are maybe gonna buy a new car and then you see that car at a place you go, those kinds of things. So the concept of safety was brought up this previous week at the conference that I was the MC for.

And the way that coffee and writing, good for you, coffee and writing, I am not writing yet. I will also explain that today, because this previous week for me was a pretty busy week. Look at that, there's always a bunch of my hair that decides to have its own party someplace else. So there, come back to this party here. Come back to this party. So the thing that was interesting about this week is that it was, was considered one of my biz on present. I have so many plans, it usually works for me.

Good morning, Mr. Andy Mack, hello to you as well. I actually went out to try and encourage myself to write more frequently, actually tangible writing, not right on my electronic devices. I bought a bunch of like stylized pens and they're very cute. So there's a bunch of them. So here's an example. So little things, little things to try to remind you. Thank you, speak Wunder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So I have a bag full of these, that is dispersed throughout my home. Similarly, so are my cheaters.

(laughs) I bought multiple pairs of cheater glasses and they are strategically placed throughout the house so that I can grab them with ease if necessary. And so this week was interesting because the way that my schedule works is that I may do 50, 60, 70 events in a year, but they're not every day. Like today is my reset day 'cause I don't have anything officially that I need to do. I do plan on continuing the pile of relocating the wood chips. I will give you a check in with that for anybody who checked in with me last week.

I'm sure you're wondering how big the pile of wood chips still is. But I also plan on resetting because this week I had six events. Six events in the seven days that we had. So that means that there were some days that I had a morning event and then an evening event. For instance, on Tuesday, I did a fundraiser for an organization here in the Twin Cities called YouthLink. And I was there and then Tuesday night, yes, they are the best. And then Tuesday night, I was at a fundraiser for another organization called the Annex Teen Clinic.

And so that's kind of how my schedule can work this time of year, which makes it very complicated when I'm trying to administer the parenting and things that I like to do because not only do I have this inconsistency, but therefore so does my kiddo, which is not always the best for us. So it's good to have a day like today that feels, feels like, let me know if I can help. Oh, thank you, Addie Mac. I am okay as far as help goes unless you could benefit from some of the wood chips. And I think that's because I have a very realistic expectation as to how long it is going to take me to overcome this wood chip pile.

And that was part of the conversation of last week. And one of the things I got to mention throughout the week at the conferences and the events that I was at is that although the pile may have seen daunting when it was first delivered, since I had a very realistic expectation of how I was going to redistribute all of these wood chips, it really turned into, it's not really a cumbersome pile for me because I gave myself a month or however long it takes. So there is the pile now. Now to give you perspective, I need to come over here to this part of the yard.

So see, it is significantly, significantly smaller. So yeah, so yeah, very much. So you can see along with my Amazon deliveries, they have been periodically dispersed throughout the yard and some of my neighbor's yards. And so that part is going very well. And it's actually very soothing to be able to do that on my time versus on somebody else's time, which is not the way a lot of our life works. A lot of our life is based upon a schedule that is thrust upon us and that we have to work around. See, so there are also wood chips throughout the back of the yard as well.

And there are some other places that they are going to go. So they will eventually have a lovely home throughout our backyard and front yard. And so when I was at the conference earlier this week, hey bud, it's about talking about safety from a variety of different ways. And I think it's fabulous that other people are having these hamsters. (laughs) We don't have hamsters, but we do have some rabbits. And so we are very kind to our neighborhood rabbit. So I think they'll like it too. So they'll be fine.

In fact, I do, I'm planning to build like an outdoor hutch, which is probably doing too much for our neighborhood rabbits. But in my head is gonna be cute. We'll see. And so one of the things that I thought was interesting is when one of our panels at the National Club Grocer's Conference that I was the MC for, they were talking about the concept of psychological safety and having safe spaces where you could freely exchange information, freely discuss what needs you had that needed to be met. There's we're primarily talking about the concept of doing that in the workplace.

Like these, this was a manager's conference. So a lot of the general managers were there. So on this panel, it was other district managers and general managers that were talking about how they've had to figure out how to create a psychological space for themselves and therefore be able to do that for their staff. And so it led into the concept of burnout, which is one of those things that I never got to what I consider complete burnout, but I did allow my anxiety to get to the point that I had the most serious anxiety attack I've ever had in 2019 to the point that I had to go to the hospital and get myself sedated after six hours of mom sobbing.

So I do not recommend it if there are other ways you can deal with your anxiety. We can talk about that story on another live stream. So since then I have also been in that practice of figuring out how does that work for me as a caregiver and a parent to be able to have those tea kettle moments, those moments when you get to release that steam in little spurts so that the whole panel doesn't end up exploding. And so that's been my version of psychological safety and also the way that that becomes a tangible thing sometimes in your house.

So for me, the way our house works, and you guys have been on little mini tours with me before in the house, and the way our house works is that my son is a big fan of nests. And there's certain places in my house that are better for nesting than others. Sometimes it seems really good for him and a good idea to nest in front of the door. There's an alcove that we have near our front door that he seems to really like the acoustics which it seems very cozy and he'll often make a nest there. And for him, it's a tangible thing.

It's a pile of pillows. It's a pile of blankets and all of those things. And in fact, I haven't even cleaned up the nest 'cause he had started last night, I just went to bed. And so that's the nest outside my bedroom door. You coming out, you can step over the nest. So I think it's interesting that he has this tangible nest, but I had to also have my version of, what's the place in the house that I, as his parent, end up nesting? May I help you? - Oh, yeah. - Okay, you're gonna say hello? - Hello.

- Okay, give me two minutes and then I'll be done. - Tell me to. Tell me to. - He is very happy with my attention. As much as you guys are. I'm your one, come in. Give me a high five. Give me a high five. No high five today. - High five. - High five. - High five. - Do you want me to go outside? - For a minute. - Okay, then you give me two minutes. You go get comfortable. Or you go to hell. Oh, you can't write two minutes, get your papers. We're gonna do some writing then, that makes sense. He also has a lot of pens there.

You can write two minutes, T-W-O. You've done this before, speak one to help me spell words for him, but I think he can get that one done on his own. And then I'll wrap up this conversation about my version of, as you can see, even though this is a house that I pay for. (laughing) With all of the, thank you. They said hello. Even though he said hello back. Even though this is the house that I pay for, really the people that primarily get to decide how it is set up are him and the cat, you know, kind of thing.

And then I have, I've managed to work my way into it as best as possible. But that required me having to set a few boundaries with him and myself to go, no, this is your nest. This is your space. - No, no, no. - So I finally, no, no, no. So I finally had to decide that there's really only like two places that I'm like, okay, this is my spot. And so that's my bedroom and my office. And I occasionally do still, okay, I'm just gonna let you go ahead and hang out in here. But it did, even though at first it had to be a physical boundary and a physical nest that I made for myself, it did eventually turn into a, he just doesn't hang out there in much anymore because he's like, oh, okay, I got other places to do.

Other places to do my nesting and hanging out in. And so, yeah. (laughing) My cat does occasionally treat me as though I am, he's like, human, please bring me things and clean out the water dish. But he is, yeah, he's, he's, he's my buddy. They're both very majestic. I live with royalty, that's what I do. I live with royalty and sometimes I'm the help. And that's okay, that's okay. So at least they think that. I know better. So it's, it's like doubt and I'll be over here. So I'm really in charge.

But they, it's interesting to watch them do it from a physical manifestation and then have me do it from the way that I make the little boundaries in my mind about this is the spot that is set up for me in mind. This is the spot that is laid out in a way that supports me versus supporting all of them. Which is really a lot of the way the rest of my house is laid out is in a way that is able to support what he needs and to be able to be welcoming, a place that can be soothing, a place that can be creative.

And I needed to sit down and go wait, you have to have that space for you too. You know, even though the priority is making sure that they are cared for the, you know, and I think we do that often as a parent, you get to run in and you spend so much time going, are they okay that you just organically put yourself on the back burner because priorities are difficult. And when you are rushing, which we are so often doing, then it's very difficult to make sure that you'll become a priority as well. And if you don't, if you don't, then it is so easy for those other things to rush back in.

Like this week, I had to make sure that I didn't make it to the dentist appointment, even though I wasn't able to make it last week. And you guys heard me complaining about that and it all worked out. Even though, and everything worked out, I got my teeth cleaned on Monday. Yes, I forgot to fail you in on that. It all worked out. And so this week is the same. Today, I could very easily fill the day with only projects that supported my kid. It would have been easy to do this. I got a lot of things I had to do to help reset him as well for next week.

But I didn't, I have things in here today that are for resetting me as well. Like redistributing all of my clothes and outfits from the week and actually doing laundry soothing. I enjoy folding my laundry when I am left to my own devices. I like the completionist nature of that particular project. I even got myself some of those, I don't wanna say neuropathy. There's these sandals that have little stones in them that are supposed to be good for like moving the lymph around your body. They're incredibly uncomfortable.

Incredibly uncomfortable. But yes, thank you, Andy. They're incredibly uncomfortable, but they are supposed to be doing something good for my overall wellbeing. So I do them instead of wandering around the house 'cause I'm not that big of a gangster with them. I do put them on as I am folding laundry. And I have found it to be very soothing and a very good ritual to add into my day. So I, as you saw in my teapot, have the plans to make some tea right now, start on some of those projects and casually get them completed throughout the day so that I go through the day going, you know what, you accomplish something that made you feel better for getting it done.

So I encourage you to do that as well as parents. Make sure that some of your things, even though they seem like they can wait, stop always telling yourself that your things can wait because you have to do things for the other people in your family. And Andy, for you, that includes your dog. I don't know, I don't live with a dog. Maybe your dog is a lot more accommodating than my cat and my child. But if not, tell your dog, treats her coming later. Walkies will be on the agenda after Andy gets some stuff done for himself.

So, yes, right now, we're gonna go work on our writing. I'm gonna make my tea and fold some laundry. m. Central. For anybody who is in the Twin Cities, I also wanna remind you that we do have a live version of comedy through the chaos, the series that I do, the stand-up and storytelling series. C. Leopold's official title is other than my cool friend that I talk about Muppets with. He's gonna be performing at my next show next Saturday. So, we will check in with you that as well and let you know how that goes.

It is always wonderful to see him play a little something, sing a little something and bring a little community to the room. So, everyone here in the community, please let us know how we continue to support you. I always appreciate seeing all of the remaining, all of the returning names like Andy and Speak Wonder, Matt, anybody who's new, make sure that you check in with us and that we are giving you the kind of information that you need. It's always fabulous to be able to see new people pop into the live streams as well.

'Cause that's what we're trying to do is build this community so that we are providing the emotional and mental resources that you need when you need them. So, all right, I will do that. I will make sure that I do a little post after this. I'll do a recap post and mention that as well and I'll put that in the cadre sphere, notes pages in the chat. So, thank you to all of you who check in with yourselves. m. Central. Be good to yourselves, everybody. We'll see you soon. - Well.