People often spend more time judging others than they do on self reflection. Find out what I did at a time when I felt judged, to overcome and learn about the only thing that matters in those moments.
Risa: When it comes to judgment, many people fear what others are going to think of them. She says her biggest fear was the camera in her face focusing on her facial scar. Risa: But she quickly realized that it wasn't about how she looked, but how she showed up. The only thing that matters is how you feel on yourself.
Hello, everyone. It is Risa, your resident style and confidence coach here at Cadre, and I wanted to talk to you today all about judgment. When it comes to judgment, I know that so many people fear what others are going to think of them. I myself have been in that situation, especially a survivor of post traumatic stress disorder and depression and a recovering perfectionist, if you will. We've all been there, and we've all felt judged. And I want to tell you today about a time in my life when I thought what other people's judgment of me meant everything for my future, for my career, just for what people thought of me, how I would view myself and how I overcame that, and where I'm at today.
So it's 1999. I'm going to take you back to a time when I was in a pretty serious car accident and had gone through the side window of a car and was left with a facial laceration. I'm going to show you guys up close and personal. I'm not wearing any makeup today, and that's on purpose. I like to show up as my authentic self, and I specifically wanted to call out this facial scar. And the road to recovery was really tough. But at the time, when it first happened, I was 17 years old, and I was very impressionable.
I was about to go off to college. I was going to be a cheerleader at the University of Maine, and I had, at that time, had everything going for me. I felt like I was on top of the world and had finally gotten to a good place where I felt good about myself. I felt ready to enter a new chapter where I wasn't with the same people from high school, grade school, middle school, junior high. I was from a very small town. And when I got to college, I was all set and ready to take on this new version of myself.
But the hardest part about that was everything that I had just been through and this facial laceration that I had, that was really causing a lot of stress internally and really forcing me to dig deep, because I had to teach myself the tools and the mental resilience and the mental stability to cut any of the noise that I was about to hear, especially entering a brand new school. And when I wanted that chapter to be super clean, the universe and God were just like, nope, we're just going to hand you another challenge.
It's just too easy not to. So when I got to school, I immediately went right into cheering camp. And, you know, of course the questions came and people wondered what happened to my face, and I had to share the journey with people, and I wasn't necessarily comfortable doing that. I really did not want that to become my identity. I was so worried about what people were going to think of me by the way I looked on the outside. And it wasn't until I realized that it really wasn't about how I looked. It was about how I showed up.
It was about how I proved myself on that cheering team. I also sang the national anthem at all of our sporting events. They were all televised. And my biggest fear was the camera in my face, close up, focusing on my scar. But I quickly realized that if I outshined my scar from my heart, and if I showed people that I was a hard worker, that I was a great cheerleader, that I was a great human being, and that I smiled, the biggest makeup could cover that scar, and nobody would even know it was there.
I was able to realize through showing up for myself and showing people that it didn't bother me, that it certainly shouldn't bother them. But the fear and the judgment of being out in front of all of those people and being on the grand stage for all of the football, basketball, baseball, hockey games, all of the things that I was cheering for. If you're gonna hear my dog drinking in the background, so sorry. This is reality, people. Y'all done, buddy? It didn't matter. I took that stage. I proudly showcased me exactly as I was.
I showed up for myself, and I proved to people that no matter what they thought about how I looked, as long as I showed up for myself and as long as I believed that I looked great and that I worked hard and was likable and did everything that I needed to do to show people that I am a brave soul, as long as I did all of those things, their judgment didn't matter. Their thoughts of me just didn't matter. So I encourage you to dig deep and not seek approval from other people around you, but to look within.
Because the only judgment that matters is the judgment you place on yourself and how you feel on yourself. If at the end of the day, you feel good about the person you showed up as with integrity, with heart, with soul, if you're proud of that person, that is the only judgment that matters at the end of the day. So take that with you. I hope it helps. And go easy on yourself. Remember, everyone is fighting a battle. Everyone is going through something. So go easy on those around you and on yourself as well.
Affirm yourself. Write down some things that remind you that you are worthy, and it's what matters. On the inside. It's who you are on the inside that really, truly matters. Because this scar, this scar right here, people don't see this scar. They don't see it until I point it out. It's not the first impression that I make on people, and that's what's most important to me. Thank you all for tuning in, and I will see you so soon in all of my upcoming videos here on the app. Take care.
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