How Do I Know This to Be True? The Power of Storytelling in Uncovering Our Beliefs

Hey, Cadre crew. Hello, Cadre. We are bringing a question to you today that we think we know. We've seen it happen, we've used it in our own lives, can substantially help you avoid comparison. Not enoughness, imposter syndrome. All of the things that we deal with on a daily basis by looking at other people, what other people have, what you don't have. And that question is, how do I know this to be true? How do I know this to be true? Why is this an important question? Well, because a lot of times we like to storytell.

We like to make up stories about people that we're comparing ourselves to or situations that we don't know. All of the pieces of the puzzle, so we kind of make them up. And then what happens is that we believe that that made up story is truth, and that's going to get you in trouble every time, every single time. We teach our girls this. And not only is this important for us to teach our girls, but it's important for us to teach everyone, their families, especially because snow travels downhill, right?

It rolls downhill. So what I mean by that is, if a daughter is in the kitchen with her mom and her mom's best friend and they are chit chatting about someone else, a situation, guess who is going to learn how to also talk about somebody else's situation without knowing the facts and what comes with that? What we see with girls, especially, is that feeling of not enoughness. Their friends have this, or they see this in school and they don't have whatever this is. So it means that they are not enough.

In their mind, they are not enough when realistically, having that thing is not going to fill that void for them. There's a deeper problem that we need to work through in order to teach them how enough and how capable they actually are. But we're very surface level when we're comparing our situations to other people's situations and thinking that we're not enough from that. So the question when you get stuck in that place, the question to pull you out of that is, how do I know that to be true? And let's use an example.

So if I'm scrolling Instagram and I am seeing another beautiful woman and she has a perfect family, and they're dressed beautifully, they're not posing for, let's say, a Christmas photo, but it's just an everyday photo where I'm like, gosh, she brushed her hair and got dressed, and look at her perfect kids and that charcuterie board. Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful. Like her kitchen, her design, the style. I'm going down the spiral of what I have is not enough. It's not good enough. It doesn't visually look good.

I'm not doing a good job being a mom, wife, you name it. And then I get stuck because I'm comparing myself to this family. Well, and we're putting an unrealistic expectation on who this other person is because maybe their life on Instagram is beautifully curated. We have no idea what their life behind the scenes looks like. So we're acting as if this person has it all together and that their life is perfect when, realistically, her kids are terrible at putting on their clothes and getting out the door on time to go to school.

Just like our kids, we forget to humanize other people that we see online, especially. And we want to bring that really to the forefront, because as much as things change, they stay the same comparison. It happens. It has happened for years. But as far as the Internet and what the Internet has brought to us, it's basically brought 4 million of our closest friends into our living room for us to be able to directly compare. And we don't humanize those people we see online because they do post the pretty pictures.

It's hard to post the behind the scenes stuff. So we put an unrealistic expectation on that other person as well. So the next time we happen to maybe, like, see them in person, we're like, your life is perfect, and mine is terrible. So we stop girls in their tracks, because we get a lot of storytelling. This, this, this. It goes layer after layer after layer. We stop them with that simple question, how do you know that to be true? And they do. They stop, and they're like, well, because so and so said it.

Or because I've seen them pull up in that car. Or it's like, well, you don't know where that car came from. You don't know how they acquired that or if it's even theirs. Maybe they're borrowing it from someone else. It makes them stop and realize that they really don't know what they're saying or what they've told themselves. A story about is actually fact. A lot of it is fiction. Absolutely. And that's it. Distinguishing fact versus story. So when you're storytelling yourself, it's pausing. Asking yourself, how do I know this to be true?

Because we're still gonna make stuff up. We're still gonna be like, well, I know because of this, this, this. And it's like, hang on, tell me the facts. What are the black and the white that you can say that, you know, based off of knowing these people. So the example for me, it's like, how do I know this to be true? I'm actually not even friends with her in real life. I have no idea. That's a fact. And boom, it shuts it down right then and there. And then I get to choose again. I get to choose.

Okay, I'm done scrolling. And I am. I am a good mom. I am. It's reminding you of who you are so that you don't get stuck in that spiral for too long and you can get back to what's most important to you. The spiral. The spin. We get it on technology, right? We also do it in person. It's literally the death spin. We don't want to get stuck in that, and we don't want you to get stuck in it. And it's a very simple tool that you could utilize in your everyday life that can get you out of that spiral.

So use it the next time you're down that rabbit hole. The next time you are doom scrolling. And you're like, I'm not enough. Not enough. I'm not enough. You are enough. You are enough. And how do you know that to be true? The question can be flipped on you as well. Give yourself examples of all of the reasons that you are enough. Do that today. In fact, do that right now. We could all use a positive boost to our self esteem every once in a while, and you can give that to yourself in this moment by asking yourself that question.

So, how do you know it to be true?