What’s In Your Toolbox?

Hi, y'all. Happy Tuesday, August 1, 2023 holy cow. Where has the year gone? We're now in August. That is crazy. And I think this is a great conversation to have today. If you don't know me, my name is Mary. I am one half of the duo that makes up girls mentorship. My business partner and I teach life and personal development skills to teen and tween girls. And it's pertinent for you because I think we all have a child, inner child, as people like to refer to it as inside us. And if that doesn't need to be a dress, then I bet you are an aunt, an uncle, a mom, a dad, a sister, a cousin.

And you showing up in the best possible way that you could show up serves our entire community. So I love thinking of the first of the month as a fresh slate. And I love that. It just, it's, we get almost like a do over, right? And it's interesting because in our society, I feel like we've driven it so far into our head that we can't start over unless it's like January 1. So, you know, we put out a resolution and we want to go to the gym seven days a week, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And we fail on that goal and we go, I guess I'll have to wait until next year.

You don't have to wait. You can start in the next moment. You can start the next day, the next hour, and the next minute. Regardless of what society has told you about starting over or trying to pick up a habit that you dropped, just start. I think that's the most important part that I want to say in terms of it being August 1 and the message that I actually have for today's live is short and sweet, and I feel like it pairs with that notion very well. Clearly, being on this app, the sign behind me, I'm a daydream believer.

I've got big goals. I am very connected and concerned about my own personal growth and development. And what I know about you on the other end of the screen is you wouldn't be here if you weren't concerned about yours either. So I'm constantly listening to podcast. I have recently stumbled hey, junk food junkie, what's going on? I've recently stumbled on the hashtag Huberman husband. If you don't know who Andrew Huberman is, he is an incredible, I mean, he does so much great work at Stanford. And Huberman husband, the hashtag that's trending on TikTok and Instagram, are all these life hacks.

So I now do red light in my room. I do blue light glasses. I get morning sun sunlight first thing in the morning. It is important for me to optimize my health as much as I possibly can, given what I have in my surroundings. So being on this app is one of those things. So I listen to podcasts, I watch YouTube videos, I read books, and I recently read a book called the Mountain is you. If you've read it, give me a little hand tap in the chat. But one of the concepts that was in it was the idea of feel good versus do good.

And I think moving forward, we have August, September, October, November, December, 5 months left in the year. If you can just take this one thing and use it as your filter, you'll probably get about 1% better each day, which, when we take that and add it up over the course of five months, is a lot of percentage points. So feel good versus do good using that as your filter. And what do I mean by that? Procrastination feels good, right? I'm putting something off, and I'm doing something else in its place, and I'll get to that thing tomorrow.

But what I'm doing is not setting my future self up for success. So when I get to tomorrow, I'm now panicked because my time frame is less and less and less to get that thing done. So I'll probably complete it. I definitely know I'll complete it. But my workmanship probably won't be as great. I probably won't have incredible attention to detail. So it stops feeling good at that point, right? It felt good in the moment to procrastinate, but did it actually do good? And the answer to that question, at least personally, is no.

Does it feel good to scroll or eat junk food or have that third glass of wine in the moment? Yes, it does. We have pleasure centers in our brain to where if we do these things, we're feeding those pleasure centers, and it's like a jackpot. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. More and more and more, right? Our brain needs a little bit more each time we do something where we light up those pleasure centers to light them up in the same way the next time around. So it's like, oh, you had one cookie, next time, grab two, because I'll need that amount in order to seek that same threshold the next time.

So does it feel good to overindulge in certain activities in the moment? Yes. Does it do good again? In my humble opinion, no. Because then future Mary has to worry about the consequences of what the feel good Mary was getting herself involved in. How about things like gossip or stepping on people to get what you need to get to where you need to go. Does gossip feel good in the moment? Yes. It's like external validation. It's like posting something on social media and seeing the likes roll of in feel good, 100% do good.

Not necessarily, because then we're seeking validation from outside of us and in areas we should have nothing to do with. Gossip, lying, stealing, cheating, stepping on other people, all of those qualities feel good and might result in small wins in the moment. But long term, that engaging in behaviors like that is simply going to bite you in the b***. So my what I'm compelling you to do for the remainder of this year, for the next five months, is to use that simple prompt as your filter for what you're getting involved in.

Whatever it is. It could be a super small task or a super big decision that you have to make. Do good or sorry, does it feel good? Does it actually do good? And those, the answer to those questions are very different. When you can break it down that way, when you can put it under a microscope in that way, it'll help you make the decision that serves not only the present you, but the future you as well. So looking forward to hearing if you are going to use this, how you've used it and how using it has served you, which I will start a little conversation around in our community feed as well.

Let's. Let's see. The old saying, don't put off things for tomorrow that you can do today still rings loud. Something that I love Jill for. Jill is my partner in crime. She is on vacation right now, is. She's a mom and she's got this mom saying that is do it, do it now. Wash the dish, put the remote back, put your keys where they're supposed to go. Fold your clothes right. There are so many things that are very easy to put off because we don't feel like it in the moment. However, what we're doing, what you just said, jungfu junkie, don't put off things for tomorrow that you can absolutely do today.

Don't make excuses in the present moment that are going to set your future self up for failure, for being late, for not remembering where you put your keys, for literally being exhausted to the point of not wanting to fold the laundry and making your future self do it. You're just adding more tasks to the already very long to do list that you have. So love that saying. Appreciate you dropping that into this conversation and would love to hear how this. How going along with feel good versus do good has impacted y'all in a negative way.

I think when we can generate a conversation about the things that we've done to ourselves that set us up for failure, it lessens the sting of feeling like we're the only ones that do it. Because I am guilty of this at 35 years old, for more years than I would like to admit, I think I gained the nickname procrastinator Mary in middle school. I was so good at procrastinating, and the excuse that I made was, well, Mary under pressure does better work realistically. That is such a silly thing to say, because when I set myself up for success, I give myself the time to think it through and have a rough draft and then a first draft and then present a final draft that.

That I'm really, really proud of, regardless of what the task was. So looking forward to generating more of a conversation around this so we can kind of dismiss some of the shame that comes along with it. Our brains are really hard to defeat. We're wired a certain way, so unless we're aware of it, then it's going to have a hold of us. So generating a conversation around it is really important in terms of dismissing the shame and how you feel around those behaviors that you're exhibiting in your life.

So you will definitely sleep a lot better if you accomplish things instead of putting them off. I could not agree more because that is one of those things that run through your mind over and over and over, have you waking up in a cold sweat thinking that you didn't accomplish what you needed to accomplish, and now you're late. Nobody likes the feeling of being late. So let's not put off today what we don't need to be doing tomorrow. That was my little spin on it. Looking forward to hearing how you are gonna take this and implement it into the next five months of your year, y'all.

Until next time. We will see you on the next episode of what's in your toolbox.