When Your Palms are Sweaty, Just Take Responsibility

Hey, Cadre family doctor Carrie here. Today, I'm going to share an embarrassing story with you, but I'm going to link it to a life lesson I learned from it and just really talk more about taking responsibility. And what does that look like, especially in relationships? So my embarrassing story for you, I was, I think, 2019 or 20, and I got caught using a fake id, trying to purchase alcohol. And when the police officer approached me at the liquor store, they called the police. It was a big ordeal.

I told him I was the person on the id, when in fact, I was not. It was actually somebody else's fake id. And I lied to the police officer about who I was, and he basically just stood there staring at me, knowing I was lying, and said, okay, so first of all, you're trying to purchase alcohol under age, and secondly, you're telling me that you're this person. And I stood there flat out lying through my teeth. Eventually confessed what I had, you know, what I'd done. Yes, I'm trying to purchase underage.

No, that's not who I am. I'm so sorry. Please let me off the hook. Ended up getting charged with three different accounts. Actually trying to purchase alcohol under age. False identification and lying to a police officer was an actual offense. I didn't know that. But as a result of this experience, I ended up having to go to court. I had to tell my parents what I did, which was super embarrassing, and ended up with a pretty high hefty fine. Thankfully, did not get thrown in jail. They actually were threatening to throw me in jail for up to 90 days and a up to $3,000 fine.

So I ended up off the hook pretty good. Pretty good deal. I was supposed to have a gross misdemeanor on my record, and they reduced it to a petty. So, thankfully, I don't have to report it on job applications because we. We all know we make some stupid mistakes when we're 18, 1920. And those can haunt you for the rest of your life, unfortunately. But I just wanted to share that story with you because I was reminded of it when I was thinking about what it means to take responsibility for things because we all know what it feels like to lie.

You. I don't know if you have the similar, like, physiological experience as I do when you lie, but I get, like, sweaty, my hands tingle a little bit, my heart starts racing, and I just have this feeling of impending doom that my life is going to end. And I used to actually be quite the liar. Growing up. I used to lie a lot to my parents about things that I did or didn't do. And you just have this fear. Underneath the lie is a deep rooted fear for what happens if somebody finds out. What happens if I confess?

What happens if I say I'm sorry? What happens if I share that I did something wrong? What is going to happen to me? So that's one of the reasons people lie, or the main reason people lie is because they're struggling with what is going to happen to me. Let me tell you, in every single opportunity I've had to lie, telling the truth would have been better. It really would have. And in the end, the truth always comes out. I can tell you that from experience. So really, lying doesn't get you anywhere in life.

And the more you lie, the more you stay in that state of lying. But really what you're doing is you're acting out of integrity. Integrity is actually one of my, like, top values that I would consider myself a very integrity person. And it what the definition of integrity means is doing the right thing when no one is looking. It's really not just about telling the truth all the time. It's about doing that right thing when no one is looking. So acting out of integrity, especially in a relationship, is really important.

If you want to have that or expect that from the other person, you also have to act out of integrity. And that means telling the truth. That means being honest, and that means taking ownership and responsibility for things, because we all are good at blaming people. I actually was not somebody who blamed a lot in a relationship. I would just not admit my faults. That was more my issue. I'm not somebody who points the finger at someone else. I just will basically not admit that I'm at fault or that I could be at fault or apologize.

So it took me a long time to learn how to say I'm sorry in a relationship and to own up for what I did. But if I can give you some advice about a relationship, owning up to what you've done, even if it's small, goes a long way if you're in the middle of a conflict with your significant other or family member, whatever it may be, I guarantee there's something you did wrong, guarantee there's something you can apologize for. And that can be really hard when your pride comes in and you just want to blame the other person for everything that they've done wrong.

But in my example, I really had no one else to blame. I just didn't take ownership or responsibility for what I did and that I was lying. And had I not done that, I actually probably would have gotten a much lesser charge because the district attorney even said that to me. He goes, I can understand kids that are trying to buy alcohol underage, still not okay. But the lying, the lying is what I don't tolerate. And that's why I'm charging you with these three different charges and this max offense.

And thankfully, the judge took pity on me and reduced my sentence. But just understand that there is a judge. Whether you believe in God or not, there is a judge in this world. And if that judge is you, if you're your own internal criticism, just know that telling the truth and owning up to what you did is going to take you so much farther in life. And I can delve more into this topic in future videos as well. But just take ownership. Just do it. Trust me. Just start today. Taking ownership for something you did.

You bump into somebody, don't blame them. You were the one that bumped into them. Take that ownership. Trust me. Telling the truth and taking responsibility for what you've done goes so far in a relationship. If you're in the middle of a conflict with someone, just say, I'm sorry I hurt you. It doesn't mean you're taking responsibility for hurting them. That means you're taking responsibility that something you said could have been hurtful to them. Just take that responsibility. It just brings that conflict.

Just, it breaks down that barrier in between you and another person in a conflict in a relationship. So I would invite you to try this. If you're somebody who has struggled with taking ownership or responsibility, you struggle with blaming people in situations, in life and relationships, try taking responsibility for something really small. Maybe you got the wrong change back at the grocery store and you thought, it's on them. It's not my deal. Just take the responsibility and say, hey, it looks like maybe you gave me too much change.

Trust me, if you start living like this and taking that responsibility and acting out of integrity, it goes a long way. I would invite you to try it. Tell me how it's going. Tell me what else you might be struggling with in this area. I'd be happy to provide more content on this because I noticed something that people struggle with, especially ones that blame other people for things in relationships. So I would invite you to just try this in an easy setting. Maybe it is out in public with a stranger and you just take responsibility for something.

Maybe you're in some deep legal battle right now. Who knows? Whatever you're going through, I would invite you to just plead guilty, say I take responsibility and I'm sorry. That doesn't mean you're taking responsibility for everything, but it means you are owning up to what you did or what you didn't do. So I'd invite you to try it and let me know how it goes. It can be really scary. You can have those same sensations as you feel when you feel. Like when you're lying where you like yourself, your hands get sweaty and you're tingling it.

Kind of the same physiological response. But the relief you will feel when you have taken responsibility for something that you know you should take responsibility for is so much greater than staying in that place of fear and palm sweaty. Trust me. Try it. Thank you for tuning in with me today, guys. God bless.