Who Am I?

Hey, folks, how you doing? Nick Hanson from Cadre here. So in a previous video, I was talking about service and living a life of service and practicing service, you know, could be really helpful and in some way up there, kind of the central question of my life at different times, as you know, I love the Rainer Marie Realke quote, lived the question, and you grow into the answer. You know, one of the central questions has been, who am I? Or what am I? You know, and on this healing journey that I've been on, you know, slowly discover that life is different than what I thought it was growing up.

And I am, you know, not what I always think. You know, there's the Descartes quote, I think, therefore I am. Descartes was a french philosopher from back in the day. And so much of that, you know, is true. Oftentimes, I think, therefore I am. But, you know, through discovering meditation and spiritual spirituality and all that kind of thing, like reading an Eckhart tall book, the power of now, I am not, in fact, all of those thoughts swirling all the time. There is a presence and awareness, call it the soul, call it whatever it is, beyond those thoughts.

And that's what I think we actually are. I could be wrong. I don't know. This is a little bit esoteric. You know, this is philosophy and theology. And, you know, people have been writing about this and debating it for thousands of years. So I'm not going to solve any new problems with it. I can only share my experience. And it seems like direct experience of this stuff is what is ultimately the most beneficial. Because you can read it, you can intellectually understand it, but until you expect experience it or believe it, it's ultimately maybe futile.

What I have experienced, this presence, this beyond my thoughts. But it's interesting even knowing that I am not my thoughts and knowing that there's a presence behind it, it can be hard to access that. And I forget that. And I think the spiritual path really is always forgetting and always remembering. And if we kind of use these guideposts of the healing journey, then we're going to keep remembering, right? And so. And it seems to be on a day to day basis, one day at a time, you know, and if I jump too far ahead, and this doesn't mean I can't plan, but if I jump too far ahead in my thoughts and ways, then I get discombobulated, fearful, you know, but if I keep bringing it back to the now, and it's a practice, and so what helps, you know, that practice of living from who I really am or my best guess, you know, on that day is the prayer and meditation time in the morning, right?

And doesn't have to be really long. It can be a conversation with a friend. It can be journaling. It can be prayer. It can be your work. It can be, you know, relationships. It can be all of these different things, right? And we keep uncovering and discovering more. More will be revealed, as they say in a twelve step program that I like to go to. More will be revealed. And I found that to be the answer. We're like onions, right? We're peeling away these, these layers and we're all like onions. And just when I think I've figured, figured it out, out, just when I think I've arrived, it's like, oh, my God, there's so much more work to do.

You know, I still have these fears or these anxieties, and it's that acceptance, I think that. I don't think that there is a magic pill, right, that's gonna, you know, take it and attain enlightenment. That's what I was looking for with, with all these different alcohol and drug experiences, right? Was enlightenment. And I don't want to say that it's not possible, and I felt many moments of enlightenment, but it seems inherent in the human condition that there is suffering and that there is. The solution to that, for me, is living a life with a higher power and in connection, you know, with others.

And so that's the magic pill, right? Is the. Is that things that enable me to stay peaceful enough and comfortable enough in the moment. And it can be challenging because then to grow. We also want to be taking risks, you know, and moving forward and dreaming. And if we're not encountering obstacles, then we're maybe not trying like we are. So it's this, it's this balancing act, you know, it's the tightrope between two skyscrapers in Los Angeles, and you've got to walk in between them or you've got to be pushed by your friend in a wheelbarrow across that thing.

And you got to trust that it's. It's going to be okay. You've got to hop in the wheelbarrow. God, it's tough, right? It's not easy. It's not easy at all. And I'm just happy to be walking this path with you. I don't know what I'm doing either, most of the time, but there's certain principles that I'm learning and practicing and, you know, it's like the proof is in the pudding in some ways, when I see, when I do these things and I get these certain results and I feel a certain way, and I'm able to be in the world in a certain way, and I'm able to see you and help you in a certain way.

And I'm open to you seeing me and helping me, then that's a glorious thing. You know, I was going on a walk earlier and walking around, and sometimes when a car drives by, you know, in some way, I want to hide. And I think there's all these parts of us, you know, within side of us from years and years of living and different, you know, fears and different things. And, you know, sometimes I want to isolate or hide from the world in some ways. In some ways, I want to stand up and say, here I am. Right?

And so learning to live in that, and that balance. And, uh, I think perfectionism is tied in there in. In some way, you know, if I can let go of the. Of the perfectionism and. And not try to correct so much and just let it be. Right. Um, so anyways, that is a roundabout answer of who or what, you know, I am. Who or what are you? You know, who is. What is the. What are your thoughts on this? You know, because it's really important, I think, to ask these questions once in a while and allow yourself to, as real key says, live the question and grow into the answer.

And there's no timetable on it. You know, if you're 20 years old, you can start doing it, and you've already been doing it. You know, if you're 50 years old, you can start. If you're 70, you can start. Right? It's never too late to enter into the stream of life and healing and recovery. So few thoughts for you today. Namaste. Oh, got something in the eye. Hey, good. What does that mean? You know, could just be I got something in my eye. I'm always looking for a deeper meaning beyond, but sometimes you just got a piece of dust in the eye.

Okay, peace, everybody.