What's In Your Toolbox?

And we're live. Happy Tuesday. It is a Tuesday. It feels not like that. But we don't know what day it is. We're all very used to that. I think by the time you hit your thirties, you really just understand that the end of the year, it looks like this. It's one big ball of days that are thrown together haphazardly. You're constantly questioning what day it is, when is the new year, who's working, who's not. The roads are crazy. What are people doing? Yes. I'm like, my goodness, they were crazy yesterday too, which is wild.

But happy day after Christmas. Happy Christmas post Eve. Is that a thing? You know what? We're gonna make it a thing. Christmas post Eve. We hope you guys had the best time yesterday in any and all of your circumstances. Absolutely. Christmas can be amazing. Christmas can be frustrating. Christmas can bring out the best in people. Christmas can bring out the worst in people. And I am going to toot my horn. And I'm tooting it for both Jill and I because I think it's my personal opinion. You can absolutely disagree with me if you'd like that.

We're pretty happy people. We can make the best out of a lot of situations. Now, that is not to say that life doesn't get over on us and try to pull us under in the deep end. However, it has taken a lot of intentionality and a lot of work to get to a mindset that is of a chronically happy person. And being that the new year is what, in five, six days? We want to give you just a couple. Five, not couple. We'll make it a list. We're going to give you five things that we do in our day to day operations to ensure that we remain and act and show up as chronically happy as we possibly could.

Again, disclaimer asterisks we're not false positive people. We definitely have our days that are down in the dumps. But rebounding wise and generally speaking, happy people, would you agree? 100% yeah. And I also think the word rebound is really critical in this conversation coming off of Christmas when there's hustle and bustle and cooking and cleaning and your house is a mess and your kids are complaining that they didn't get the perfect toy or item on their list, that a lot of those feelings and situations and circumstances can make you feel.

It can make you spiral, they can fog up your lens. I've got to do one of these. For me in particular, I woke up today feeling like I need space. Just knowing what you need while then practicing these tips and strategies that we've really curated over the last decade of us practicing personal growth and development to be happy has been so important. So today I was excited to give myself what I needed and reset rebound so that I can really not only end the year strong, but also carry that with me as an intention in 2024, well, and show up for the rest of the people in your life.

And I want to point out that space looks different for everybody. You're like, she needed space. So she came and sat two inches from Mary. That doesn't seem very spacious. But over the last two days, much like all of you, even last week, it's been family presents, baking, holiday parties, neighborhood parties, all the things, right? So space for Jill looks like getting space from her family and coming here and we're gonna 2024. Vision and goals, babies. We are subjective space, regardless of what it is for you, as subjective.

So take what you need. Okay, let's get into these five, shall we? Number one, we don't hold grudges. And that I'm not lying is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to try to train myself to do because it is very easy to dislike something or someone based on what they have done. And we love to say to you, it's very easy to play the victim and be like, well, Suzy Q, she did that thing fourscore and seven years ago, and I am never going to let her live it down. Well, guess what? Poisoning yourself.

That is it. There is no other way to put it. Because do you think Suzy Q is thinking about you? Because I guarantee you she ain't thinking about you. But what is that unforgiveness doing to you? What is the grudge that you're holding against that person doing to you? It's eating you alive. It's robbing you of your energy a hundred percent. And holding a grudge, again isn't serving who you are and what you want to be and who you want to be. And honestly, I've done it. I mean, we both have. Where then that person comes back into your sphere and you're like daggers.

Straight up daggers. Your immediate overall presence totally shifts because of the thing that happened five years ago that you're still holding on to. So really what we love to do is we bless and release. Bless. Truly. Release, baby. Hey, you know what? Regardless of us not sharing similar values, because that's where the disagreement is coming from, I am going to wish her well. I'm going to wish him well. And I'm going to move on. And forgiveness doesn't say that. What they did, their actions, you're not blessing their actions.

You're not saying, I'm forgiving you and I'm giving you a pass. Your forgiveness releases you. Forgiveness and reconciliation, just FYI, are two totally different things. Your forgiveness doesn't have to come with them saying, I'm sorry. It doesn't. Your forgiveness can come right away at any point during this journey. But when you're able to fully forgive, you're able to release yourself from the chains that are locking you to that person. And that happens. Dan, let's go. So forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive.

If there is a point for reconciliation, take that as it comes. But forgiving, let's you let go. 100% let go. Let go. Leggo number two is optimism. Optimism, baby, optimistic because you're going to tell yourself a story no matter what. What does that mean, jo? It means, you know, like you're looking at something and you're just, you're trying to kind of answer the question yourself without really knowing the facts. It's like, well, I see this thing that's happening and I think it's because of this.

And now you're believing that to be true. So as opposed to you getting stuck in the story. And I really like to teach my kids this as well. It happened actually today where my, my younger son was saying that he is a loser. He always loses games. He loses this. He didn't get enough presents because he's the loser of the, and it's like, hey, you're telling yourself a story. And the more you tell that story, the more you believe that story to be true. Exactly. And for him to articulate that and for me to notice it and catch it to help him rewrite his story, because I don't want it to be how he identifies as himself as a loser.

Yeah. If he continues to say that, right, our words, power of the tongue, right. Our words hold so much meaning. That's why we're so big on affirmations. And you know what? We didn't even introduce ourselves. And I think this is a really great place to reiterate what we do because we get to work with teen and tween girls. So we're life coaches for teen and tween girls. We teach self awareness, self confidence, self esteem, and it is very easy as a human to tell stories, but it's particularly easy as a teenager to tell stories because this is when our identity is forming.

So tween teen, you see what somebody else has. You see what somebody else got for Christmas, and you make it mean something about you based on the story you're telling yourself about them, right? So we'll say this over and over and over again. The question that we ask ourselves in that moment in order to rewrite that story is, how do I know that to be true? So we're gonna go back to Suzy Q. Suzy Q got everything she could have possibly ever wanted for Christmas, and you're seeing it on Instagram, and you're making it mean that you're what Jill's son called himself, himself a loser, right?

Because you didn't get this, this, this you. That must mean she's better than you in some way, shape, or form, and you run with that narrative. What if. Come here. Come a little closer. Lean in. What if you could change your perspective on the story? Meaning Suzy Q pulls in front of you in traffic, and you get mad because she cuts you off. Right. How many of you get mad when somebody cuts you off in traffic? Beep. I do. It's very easy to get mad. And then you, like, want to tailgate, and you want to pull in front of them, and you want to look, and you want to see you make up this story as to why this person did this.

What if you could make up a story in the other realm? Oh, that person cut me off because they're late for work, or they have an emergency, or they're on their way here, or they're nervous for a big job interview, and they didn't even notice. So we're not making it mean something about ourselves or that other person giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Right? Because at the end of the day, Suzy Q got all the presents, and you have no idea what the actual story is. You will never know.

So why can't we flip the script and make it mean something positive as opposed to always gearing it towards the negative? I love that. Number three, a lot of things happen in your day to day, right? I mean, we can all agree that. So thoughts, feelings, emotions, things. Phone calls, text messages, notifications. So many things happen throughout your day. And if you are dwelling on one bad thing that happened in the middle of your day and you let that thing overtake your day, your week, your month, your year, we want to challenge you to look at it in the grand scheme of things.

Something we give to our girls is if it's not going to matter in five days, five weeks, five months, five years, why are you letting it steal your time now? Why are you letting it seal your emotion? Now, we like to say that you are a cell phone battery. So if you are fully charged and these things are taking your focus off of what you should be doing, because you're just so engulfed in the situation, it's like draining you and draining you and draining you. And then. Then you're noticing that you're not taking care of yourself.

You're not going to the gym, you're not eating right, you're not being kind, not only to yourself, but the people that are important to you, because you're short, you're overwhelmed, you're stressed. You're literally operating from zero. So again, it's having the self awareness to know that those things, if they're not going to matter in five years, we have to be aware of it. Not taking us down for five days or five weeks, so on and so forth. So how do you let it go? What's your ritual to let it go?

Is it shaking it out? Is it doing a little dance move? We love getting rid of energy by literally taking it off of us. And that's something we love gifting to our girls, too, because it's almost like taking off a jacket, right when we put expectations on ourselves or anything like that, it can feel really heavy. So what is the act of taking that off and then standing in your power? So how are you rebounding quickly? How are you not letting the little things turn into huge things that wind up taking you over?

The next one is my favorite because it's been very hard for me, but it's also been one of the most rewarding things because I don't then carry around the baggage that doing this thing gives me. If there are discords in your relationship, say you had a squabble over some. Something having to do with Christmas, and you walked away from that person. Not good. Like, we're mad at one another. We know it. We need to take some time. Are you the first one that just goes back and maybe you don't even know it?

Maybe the other person, maybe you said something and the other person didn't react, but two days later, you're questioning what you said, right? It's almost like the flight attendant that scans your plane ticket and says, have a good flight. And you're like, you two. And then you're like, she's not flying anywhere. I'm an idiot. How do you get rid of that? How do you address it in your relationships right away? So, hey, I said something that didn't sit right with me a couple of days ago. And I just wanted to apologize.

And she's like, I didn't even know you said it. I didn't even think about, I didn't even think twice about it. But maybe she did think twice about it. So addressing it right away absolves me of the guilt and icky ucky feelings that I'm feeling. And it makes her feel better if she was feeling some type of way about it as well, because then it opens that door of communication. And I noticed this especially in families where you remember the very first time you meet these people and you remember that, you know, it was fun to meet them, it was new, it was exciting.

And then what happens over the course of a relationship is like, things happen or conversations were said or snarky comments were made, and if you don't address it, you hold onto it like we were talking about, about the grudges. And that's when the tension rises and you get annoyed with the person. So this is a really great practice because then it lends us into the next point of what we want to end this conversation with. And it's acceptance. It's just accepting situations and people and personalities for what they are, who they are, so that you're not setting your expectations up here and no one can match them.

Right. Then there's a gap between what you expect and what actually happens. And that's where all those feelings come in, right? So it's not letting people, places, things, decide whether you're happy or not. It's radically accepting what's going on around you and understanding what you can control, which is your attitude and your effort, and not letting you know, I expect this day to go this way. And if it doesn't, then boom, it's automatically a bad day. How instead, are you radically accepting what's going on and not just sweeping it under the rug, addressing it, understanding that maybe your kids are fighting over a Christmas presents, you're not just pretending like everything's okay, everything is fine.

No, let's address what's going on, but radically accept that kids are going to fight. Radically accept that kids aren't going to feel like they're enough sometimes. And we have to hear that as parents address it and help our child move forward. We have to radically accept that somebody might cut us off in traffic. How do we not let it totally take us down and ruin our entire day? So. And that to me, is the greatest practice for me. I know we've given a lot, but to just accept, especially as a mother and a wife and I'm, like, just accepting it.

I own my happiness in that, which is great. You can kind of see people scuffling, and you're like, I don't want to be a part of that, and I don't need to solve for that. And that's okay. It's not going to take my happiness away. I still want to show up as who I am. And not saying that I'm going to totally turn a blind eye or not go and have a conversation if it needs to, to, you know, have a conversation about it. But that has been the greatest gift I've practiced to maintain my happiness and my power.

So five things, we'll run through them really quickly. Don't hold grudges. How are you maintaining an optimistic point of view around everything going on in the grand scheme of things? If it's not gonna matter in five years, why are you letting it take five minutes of your time and energy? Address discord right away. Address discord in your relationships right away. And five, decide that you are going to be happy regardless of what's going on around you. Don't let other things control your happiness.

It's the radical responsibility part of your person. So take this into 2024. It's easier said than done. There is not a magic pill to swallow that just says, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. I'm happy. 24, five. I'm happy. But take situations as they come, as practice. That's what this is. This is the dress rehearsal of life, right? These things that come your way give you opportunities to put these five things into practice. Right? So 2024, it's gonna be the year that you make it, right? There's no new year.

New you. We're not really big into resolutions around here just because the statistics around making them are dismal. Literally 75% of resolutions are no more by February 14. Y'all, we don't wanna be a part of that statistic. We wanna embody these things so we can be good for ourselves and our community lifestyle. Yes. For 365 days and on into the next boom. So, boom. Yeah. Merry Christmas. And marry whatever it is that you celebrate. But know that enjoy. Enjoy this time, enjoy the chaos, enjoy the stress, enjoy the mess.

Enjoy the peace that this season really brings. And we know, because we're also in it with you, that these practices support your overall mental health. So with that, you all, we'll see you next week. We'll see you on the flip side. We'll see you in 2024. Bye, everyone. Bye.