Rachel’s Room🛋️: Letting Go Of Old Beliefs

Hello, Cadre fam. Happy Wednesday. I see a little Milo in the corner. Milo got a haircut this weekend. Hi, everyone. My name is Rachel Havocost. If you are new here, I am a writer and mental health advocate. I am on a mission to help one person feel less alone. Ooh, we stammering today. I have been getting feedback that my lives have been a little bit glitchy the last couple of weeks. So if you are here, please give me your feedback. Let me know in the comments if this is glitchy or not. If it is, I will continue to report that and hopefully figure out what the issue is.

So hopefully today we are smooth and clear. Hi, Mel. Happy to have you here. If you are new here, I'm very, very glad that you're here. I go live every Wednesday. Starting next week, we're going to have a new schedule with Cadre where there's going to be themes. Hi, Luke. Every day of the week, which is really exciting. Wednesday's theme is mental wellbeing. So I will still be here on Wednesdays, but I will be here at a different time. m.. PST. Hi, Rachel. Happy Wednesday, Luke. So, hi, Lynn. Yeah.

So starting next week, look out for the new schedule and just be mindful of the fact that some of your favorite creators might have different times in which they're doing their lives based on the day of the week and the theme of. Of each day. So thank you for being here with us, Luke. So today, I. Yeah, exactly. Rachel got too early. I am not a morning person, so I make sure to schedule things, like, later once I've, like, gotten the energy to exist like a human being. So today I'm talking about letting go of old beliefs, which is an interesting topic for me because I feel like I'm constantly letting go of old beliefs and recreating new ones.

And I've done a lot of work in therapy to let go of some of my core negative beliefs, like that I'm unworthy, that I'm not lovable, that I'm not good enough. Like, those were some pretty core beliefs that I've worked through quite heavily in therapy, and these days, I find myself working more on sort of, like, peripheral, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Tangential. You know what? It's like a word. This also, I feel like today we're going to be very conversational. I just am having this feeling.

So we're doing this together today. Territorial. Okay. I'm gonna have to look this word up as a word geek. So, basically, like, peripheral beliefs, right? So, like, smaller beliefs that get in my. Get in my way, they still stand in my way, but aren't necessarily these, like, tertiary. Thank you, Rachel. Yes. See, we are doing this together. Tertiary beliefs that still get in my way and are obstacles but don't necessarily inform my entire identity or sort of, like, the way that I exist in the world.

So. No, that's colors. Tertiary. Hmm. I think tertiary is right. Does anyone want to weigh in on this? Anyone? A word? No, that's what I think it is. I think that's the right word. Cause it was the t word that I was thinking of. So, for example, the beliefs that I'm now working on have to do with things that I'm either good at or not good at, which actually stem from a core belief of being capable, but they're sort of more. They're more related to, like, specific things or beliefs about what I like or don't like and how that informs the way I approach things.

So, for example, like, let's use. Okay, this is a great example. So y'all know if you've been here a while, that I'm single. I got divorced four years ago. I'm 35. Dating in my thirties is like. It's just, wow. I used to have this mindset that and this belief that dating in my thirties was awful, right? Like, oh, this is terrible. And that was how I would approach my dates. I had this belief that dating in my thirties was terrible. And so I would go on a date with this idea that it was already terrible, which meant that I was walking into a date with a bad attitude, in a bad mood, and really expecting the worst.

Right? And I had a friend, like, really reframe this for me. She was like, dating is an opportunity to hear somebody's story and create a micro connection. And I was like, oh, I kind of like that. I'm gonna try that. So I started trying to adopt that belief of, like, dating is an opportunity to connect, rather than, like, this horrible area that I have to enter into the potential that is supposed to get me a partner. But it's. There's a small pool, and everyone that's out there is, you know, it's just instead of approaching it that way, approaching it from this place of, like, no, I just get to connect with someone.

And then there's the bonus of if that connection leads to partnership or intimacy or whatever it is that people are seeking, because people want different things and are seeking different things, right. And by doing that, I started to actually go on wonderful dates and not necessarily, like, meeting people that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, but I was having a good time. And now dating is so fun for me because I've approached it from this lens of dating as an opportunity to make connections, and because I shifted my belief around that I didn't flip.

Right. I didn't go into I love dating in my thirties. I didn't have to do a polar opposite. I just created a different way to look at it. And that approach offered me brand new experiences and ways of experiencing something that I previously was experiencing in a really negative way. So I think it's really powerful to start to identify these sort of small micro beliefs, these tertiary beliefs that aren't necessarily, like, core negative beliefs that we have about ourselves, but they're these sort of smaller ones, and they're almost like lenses, and that's how we approach things.

So another one, for example, is I. So I'm giving a. I'm giving a keynote speech next week in North Carolina. Cadre is hosting this beautiful event called recount. So if you're in North Carolina or anywhere near there and you want to attend, you can still get tickets. I will be speaking. Luke will be speaking. Doctor Charisse will be speaking. JC Lippold will be speaking. These are all creators on the app, and we're selling tickets on. I think you just Google recalibrary 2024 or go to Cadre's website.

You can find them. But anyway, so I'm speaking there next week, and historically, before I do a big talk, I get really, really nervous. And so when people ask me, like, how are you feeling? Say to them, I'm really nervous. I hate public speaking. I'm really nervous. I hate public speaking. And so that's the narrative that I approach, right? Which is that I'm nervous, and I don't like doing this. I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'm nervous. And so, naturally, I'm so f****** nervous the entire time. So I'm actually doing an experiment this time where when people ask me, how are you feeling?

I say, I'm so excited. I am so excited. I love public speaking. I'm so excited. I cannot wait. And I'm trying to see if by doing that, if by having that approach, I can get my brain into a space where I'm actually not as nervous, where, like, I calm my nerves by saying out loud, I am really excited. Like, this is something I love to do. And the reality is I do love doing it. Every time I do it, I love it. It's such a wonderful experience. And afterwards, I'm so glad I did. But the buildup is me telling the story that I'm nervous.

And so I just experience nervousness for weeks and weeks and weeks when in reality, maybe I could experience excitement. Right? Maybe I could experience delight. Maybe I could experience the same. The way I walk into dating, this is an opportunity for me to connect. This is an opportunity for me to share an experience with many people. Right. And yes, Rachel, you're exactly right. There is something I like doing about it. Otherwise, I wouldn't keep doing it. Right? So that's the truth. And that's the same thing with the dating story, too.

It's like I keep doing something because I like it and because I want. I know that there's something positive at the end, but my approach is a belief that's not helping me. Right. So if I can shift the lens, then the time leading up to it, the time approaching it becomes a more enjoyable, positive experience. Right. So. Oh, h*** yeah. Cadre says we hear you bringing it to Dallas. Yes. Let's go to Dallas. Yes. These are all places that I have not been before, so this is very exciting. Yeah. So that is something that I'm working on right now is sort of like, shifting these small beliefs that maybe are, you know, so rooted in some of those core, like, core big, negative beliefs, and they're sort of smaller and attached to things that are more specific.

So I hope that this was helpful. Thank you for helping me. I like, I liked this, that we worked together today. That was, that was good stuff. And hopefully this, this live didn't have any glitches like in the past crossing my fingers. So I hope you all have a beautiful rest of your Wednesday. I will see you next week at our new schedule. Time, noon. Pst. And again, look out for the days of the week next week. I don't know if you'll be receiving an email about it or not, but basically every day of the week there will be a different theme for the different live streams, so you'll be able to really tune in and go, okay, today's Wednesday.

Today's live streams are going to be all about mental wellbeing or, oh, today's Thursday. Today's live streams are going to be all about XYZ, which I think will be really cool and can kind of create some, some routine and consistency for all of us. Okay, my loves, I will see you next week. Have a wonderful rest of your Wednesday. Bye.