Live w/ Dr.Charryse

It's 07:00 on Wednesday. If you're listening to this in the moment. And welcome to live with Doctor Charryse. That's me. I'm a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner, and author. And I'm here to get your wine right. Good morning to all those that chose to join me. I've got my chosen libation of the morning. Oh, my God. I need to put the cup on a little iced green tea. Now that the weather is warning, is so good. Warming to see everybody as you join question of the day, what's your win?

I always want you to come and be prepared to share a win. A win is a win, right? You've heard that expression. And I want to make sure that we take as much time as possible to focus on those elements in our life now that we are at the end of February, I want to wrap up. I'm so glad you made it, Jen. Our focused around the love, and I feel like this is going to be a different direction than most people are used to when we go through the cliche elements of love. What's up, Lindsey? Hello, Becky. Good morning, Lori.

Hello, Ken. Good to see you. Yeah. Positive mindset through recovery. I love that. Easier said than done, right? Because. Hi, Anna. You're up early. Oh, my goodness. I'm honored. Because recovery is hard and it's nonlinear. I actually wrote a quote down on this little dry erase board that I have on my refrigerator that says, healing is a nonlinear process that requires our patient, compassionate and intentional focus. Whereas we would like to just go, can I be done with this already? And we really can't.

We really can't rush it. And, yeah, Becky, making it through the month is a win. February didn't treat me like January, but it's still. It's still treating. So we've been talking quite a bit this month about love. And today I want to focus on the interplay between love, discipline, and freedom. And I want to cap this with helping you consider the fact that when we love ourselves, or one of the ways that we can show love toward ourselves from a mental fitness standpoint, from a mental health standpoint, from a whole life, personal and professional standpoint, is to be disciplined.

And it may not feel like those words go together. Something that I want you to consider off to the side or actually put it in the chat, because I'm curious, what's your view of discipline? And I want you to really reflect on that while I'm talking later. Put your immediate thoughts in the chat, and here's why. I'm asking you that question. Our view of discipline based on how we grew up, how discipline has existed in our lives, is going to impact our ability to view discipline as a sign of love or a way that we show ourselves love.

Or there can be a resistance to discipline or a disdain for discipline because of how it's been presented to us. For example, if you grew up in a house where discipline took too big of a role and it was very rigid and it was very harsh, then you're going to retract from that word. So here's something that I always want you to consider doing. I'm so big on you making these messages yours. So if discipline for you doesn't feel like a great word, you have permission, not that you need it. I want you to take agency to go.

Is there another word that you could put in the place of discipline that's parallel? Look up some synonyms to discipline. I'm all about word etymology because that may also be beneficial, but I want you to get this concept. Love, discipline. Freedom. Discipline is an act of love. When we choose to engage in healthy, appropriate discipline in our life and in the lives of our children and in our vocation, because it goes everywhere, then that's an act of love. I do want to give you some definitions this morning.

So word etymology begins. I haven't done any in a while. First, discipline, it is doing what you need to do, regardless of how you feel about it. And after you write down that definition, if you're writing it down, a little reflection question underneath is, where am I allowing my feelings to lead over my commitment to myself or others? Because at the end of the day, doing what we need to do, regardless of how it feels, is about honoring our sacred agreements that we've made with ourselves, or the agreements that we've made to nurture our children or to nurture our partners, our marriages, our work.

Where is your feelings or emotions leading the way over your commitment that you made to self, life and others? And then freedom is essentially the opportunity to do what you please. Here's where it can get a little challenging. We live in a society that glorifies. Do what you love, be free, choose whatever you want. It glorifies quick fixes and shortcuts, and you are grown, and you have the right and the ability to do what you love in every area and exist in an element of freedom as long as you don't do harm.

But there are also dynamics that create consequence and cost to when freedom exists and discipline doesn't. Here's a statement. Aristotle was one of the first philosophers who really looked at the whole concept of love and freedom in discipline. And so this is a statement that I thought was profound, found in order to really kind of encapsulate where I want us to go and what I want to leave you with. Freedom without discipline is chaos. Let me pull my cup here and take a sip while you think about that.

Freedom without discipline is chaos. Yeah, Jin. It's such a funny word because it can be beautiful and it can be ugly. Think about this in terms of your eating choices. We often want freedom to eat whatever we want, but without the discipline of our choices around our food, it becomes chaotic. And as a result of that chaos, it moves our mind and our body and even our spirit and our emotions into a place that feels chaotic when we're just doing whatever we want. So for some of us, that means we really need to reconstruct or deconstruct and reconstruct even how we view freedom.

But on the same hand, discipline without love will produce discouragement and rebellion. I'm going to say both of those again, I really want you to, like, put those on two sides of the page and see the push and pull, because we're all about finding harmony in every area of your life. Freedom without discipline is chaos. But discipline without love produces discouragement and rebellion. So if we're trying to be hard on ourselves and I just have to do this, but love isn't involved, we're going to get discouraged, we're going to beat ourselves down, and the rebellion comes from the part of us that then will resist participating in whatever we're working on.

But on the other hand, if we want to walk in freedom and there is no level of discipline that exists, then we put ourselves in a really tough situation and it's going to create chaos. So, freedom and discipline. I want to talk for a moment about the benefits of freedom. When freedom appropriately exists in your life, which means freedom with discipline, then it's going to help you foster your individual needs, and it's going to move you towards a place where you feel like you can be the greatest sense of an advocate in your life.

Because here's something I also want you to consider. Your level of freedom is going to be different than mine. If you are parenting, you have children, and they can all exist differently in certain levels of freedom. I have two kids. One of them I could put in this circumstance with a greater level of freedom, and that child will hold their line and be who they are no matter what, have another child, if given too much freedom, same amount wouldn't exist as well. So loving them would mean that I, as a parent, would need to determine what level of freedom can both of your temperaments handle?

What level of freedom will show you love without becoming chaotic and allow you to maintain a disciplined sense of choice. So one place that we get caught is we want the benefits of freedom and discipline at the same time. And that's like a new definition of insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. You cannot have pure freedom without discipline and the benefits of a loving discipline at the same time. That's where the whole dynamic of, like, emotional eating sits.

I want to be free to eat whatever I want based on whatever emotion that I feel. And when I'm going through a difficult time, I don't want to have to do what I committed to do because I want my emotions to rule. But I want the benefit of the level of health that I want to exist and the level of physicality that I want to exist from discipline. And it doesn't that work that way. You have to choose. Here's a moment of reflection and how you can take this and do something with it. What is reigning in your life right now?

Your desire for freedom or your desire for discipline? And part of how you'll know is how chaotic your life feels. Your ability to do the things that you have committed to in the midst of life's stressors is one of the most powerful indicators that your mental fitness is strengthening, is when you're faced with. We call that self efficacy. When you are faced with adversity and you feel like you have the capacity to manage that moment without abandoning yourself, you can stay. Discipline that is consistent regardless of what you are experiencing, that's freedom.

Freedom means your ability to honor yourself and to choose decisions that honor your needs and values, even when you don't feel like it. But existing in freedom, a thought of mind, of choice, of food, of time, without any level of discipline, will be chaotic. But you don't have to stay there because the benefits of discipline are powerful. Discipline is all about the power of choice. Part of why I, as a clinician, prescribe to poor pushing you versus just always comforting you is you have to understand and recognize your ability to choose harmony, to develop a harmonious life, to create the life that you desire.

But it doesn't come from the freedom to just feel your feelings. Feelings are important. Feelings are messengers. Feelings are helpful. But it's important to hear those messages and not always respond. Respond to the ways that our emotions are trying to tell us to pursue and to move forward. Discipline creates freedom, because when we are being disciplined, it means we're practicing follow through in our daily lives. So the question that I just answered is, how does discipline create freedom? Discipline is an act of love.

And how does discipline, discipline create freedom so that there's not chaos? It allows you to practice follow through in your daily lives. Discipline is the bedrock of lasting freedom. And the last thing that I'll say about it is discipline is not a destination. It is a continuous practice. Because in different seasons of your life, in your child's life, in your job, in your business, the level of discipline that it takes is going to be different. Have you ever been there before? Think of a situation where you are operating on one level of discipline and freedom, and then as a result of needing to move forward of a new goal, of a new situation, of a new dynamic, then you needed to operate at a higher level of discipline so that you could engage in the freedom of choice and advocacy for yourself and honoring your needs and your goals in that season of your life differently.

It required you to level up final thought and reflection. Where do you need to level up your discipline? Where do you need to love yourself more through the practice of daily discipline? And where has freedom been fooling you? Where have you thought, I just need to be free. I need a break. I don't want to have to think about that right now. And as a result of that mindset of false freedom, it is actually creating chaos right in front of you or beneath the surface. Because even if you are operating in this constant place of freedom and you think that no one sees it, all levels of chaos eventually rise to the surface.

They all float to the top at some point, whether it's seen by you or seen by the people around you, it changes who you are. And there's a beautiful interplay of freedom and appropriate discipline, which means lovingly practicing the daily habits that honor your needs as an act of self love and then being free to make choices that honor who you are and what you desire for yourself through every situation. That inner play exists, but not without your participation. So always know, right, that knowledge is not power without application.

Go back, replay. Answer these questions as you go throughout the week and as you come to points where you're now having to choose in your life. Ooh, am I going to use this as a moment of discipline? Or do I just want to exist in freedom and handle the chaos that's going to come later? You can ask yourself that question. Freedom or discipline? You get to decide next week. For those of you that join me on a regular basis, we will start a new series called fuel your mood. Pumped. You hear me? So pumped about this series on the interplay between food, mood, motivation and well being.

You are what you eat to a certain degree, and it is important to understand timing, hormones, neurotransmitters, food choices, and how all of those go into your overall level of well being. The finite amount of daily motivation that we all have in our brains each day, and learning what it means to position ourselves for that to also be an area where we exist in freedom. All right, I hope you all have a phenomenal and incredible week and I will see you next time.