Whether it be weight stigma, health issues, or dysregulated eating, grief and loss can often be centered around the relationships we have with ourselves. “If My Plate Could Talk” explores the connections between food, weight, health, and trauma and frameworks for understanding the conversations we have with ourselves, thus begging the question: “If my plate could talk, what would it say to me?”
Friday is If your plate could talk. Beth Schofield starts the show. Let me know where you are in the world in this moment. Tell me one thing in your life that has gone well this week. It's so crucial to bring to mind everything is not bad.
Doctor Charryse Johnson is a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. For those of you that are joining for the very first time, I am your VFF. I'm your pseudo therapist mental fitness coach.
We have been talking about shadow grief. How that intersects with our patterns of trauma and the way we are nourishing our body versus filling our belly. If your plate could talk, what is it telling you? Let me know where you see your nourishment patterns.
Four types of grief, really four types that we could consider shadow grief that often aren't talked about. We're going to go through those four over the next four weeks. Why are there chips on this plate? Chips are my nemesis.
Out of the four types of shadow grief that are often overlooked, is the loss of. Of dreams and expectations. One could be infertility struggles or wanting to be a parent and not having the opportunity. We can even have a loss of dreams towards our children, towards our spouse.
Essentially, when you're in this place and that underlying level of grief and unmet needs exist, here's what you might be. You might be experiencing a deep sense of disorientation. And then that's when we often look to outside sources in order to manage that grief.
Food is not a root issue when it comes to life. Food is a symptom and a messenger of a much deeper sign of our unmet needs. Take each moment, one day at a time. Choose where you direct the energy and the attention of your thoughts.
Hello, dear souls, and welcome to Friday's edition of if your plate could talk. It's so good to see you all here. Beth Schofield. First in the house today, at least the first that I see. We always start our time really activating that good, juicy part of our brain and our synapses that is able to recall something good. So I want to invite you, as always, to do two things. Let me know where you are in the world in this moment, because that is important. And let me know one thing in your life that has gone well this week.
Do not cheat. Do not pass. Do not choose not to participate. It's so crucial and so essential to really bring to mind everything is not bad. All is not lost. There are still some wonderful things happening in the world and in every area of your life. Love seeing all your faces. What's up, New Jersey? I see you. I needed to start. Start off calling off state, South Jersey to be in particular. It's been rough. I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm glad that you chose to come. Hello, South Carolina. For those of you that are joining for the very first time, I am Doctor Charryse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author.
But more importantly, I'm your VFF. I'm your pseudo therapist mental fitness coach. You know all the good things. Hello, South Carolina. Hello, Chicago. What's up, New York? You know, being born in Queens, I gotta give a little shout out. And I'm happy to be here. We have been talking about shadow grief, and I'm really working to expand your whole concept around grief and recognizing there are types of. Of loss and things that we grieve that aren't just a loss of an individual. That's what this is all about.
And then finding that intersection between the things that we are losing or the things that are unmet needs in our life and how that intersects with our patterns of trauma and the way we are nourishing our body versus filling our belly. So I'm gonna start you and end you with the same question. You can decide whether or not you wanna put this answer in the chat. If your plate could talk, what is it telling you? If you take inventory on what you have been choosing to put in your mouth or not put in your mouth this week, what is it saying?
Oh, my goodness. You're here. While you're on a girls trip and vacation. I got others of you here while you're homeschooling in the sunshine. I am so honored to be a part of the goodness let me know where vacation is. I need to plan one very, very soon. But if you want to let me know where you see your nourishment patterns, that is always important because I want you to stay constantly aware. So, four types of grief, really four types that we could consider shadow grief that often aren't talked about.
I'm not going to give you all four of them. I'm learning. I'm biting. Size this down. Bite, sizing it down. I'm going to start with the first one, and we're going to go through those four over the next four weeks. Somebody's like, now, that's way too much. Well, choose one part of what is on your plate and tell me. You don't have to tell me everything. But that's the reality, right? We know that our plate is metaphorically and physically hot mess. But then if we don't stop and take it apart and listen to what it's saying, then there is little opportunity for us to repair.
Why are there chips on this plate? Chips are my nemesis. Chips and popcorn. Crunchy and salty. Not gonna lie. So the first type of grief that I want to focus on, out of the four types of shadow grief that are often overlooked, is the loss of. Of dreams and expectations. What's up, Austin, Texas. The loss of dreams and expectations. I want to give you first an example, a few examples of, you know, a loss of dreams and expectations. There could be several you can add to the list. One could be infertility struggles or wanting to be a parent and not having the opportunity.
A shift in your career trajectory, feeling let down by other people, unable to achieve in your life according to your own standards. As you're working through this and as you work on some personal reflection, the first thing I want you to get down is, where do I feel I have a loss of dreams and expectations? I know, super heavy question. If I wasn't going on a coffee date later and I had coffee with me, I would sip to give you a break. But it is a very significant question. We can even have a loss of dreams and expectations towards our children, towards our spouse.
Essentially, when you're in this place and that underlying level of grief and unmet needs exist, here's what you might be. You might be experiencing a deep sense of disorientation. And a lot of times we think of disorientation as woozy. And I don't know where I'm walking, but disorientation can also mean a deep sense of loss that makes you feel like I don't even know where to go from here. This part of my life, this season of my life, this week is not what I expected. And it's taken the dreams that I had and the expectations that I had for myself and for other people, and it's destroyed it.
And now I don't know where to go. I don't know where to start. I don't know where to pick up the pieces. That is grief, and that's an underlying grief that often sits inside of the heart and mind of so many of us. And it's uncomfortable, right? It's not something that we want to walk around and acknowledge. But we often have a very concrete version of what we think are not version, well, version and vision. We often have a concrete version and vision of how our lives will play out and how we expect the world to.
To operate. And for many of us, those expectations may feel like they're constantly being shattered, they're constantly being challenged, and it's not within our power to change those things. So what do we do? And then that's when we often look to outside sources in order to manage that grief. And I love some of the examples that you all are bringing and pulling into the moment around our children and how they might be responding and the disappointment in man, this is what I taught you. And I don't know how we got here and I can't do anything about it because you're an adult.
Even dynamics, as you're mentioning around, yeah, a dream job and there's a corporate merger or transition or something that moves it away from when you, when you feel like I was right there and now it's falling apart. Thank you. Speak wonder. And then doctor Charlene, you know, you have the dynamic of Doctor Teresa around a book and wanting to finish it and then going, it's been all of this time. These things are important. Yes, there are things that are icing on the cake in our lives, but there are also things in our lives that are underneath the surface, but they're sitting and they're holding up space.
And those are the pieces that pull us back down or keep us in cycles of disordered nourishment patterns. Then if you add, because we always want to look at your historical patterns and yeah, t boys, you're bringing that up. And that's right where I was headed. If we have historical patterns of trauma in our family, such as addiction, alcoholism, which is a form of addiction, you know, even in terms of food or mental health issues that are unchecked and unresolved, those complicate and layer how we manage this type of grief in our life.
Tell me, if you've ever said this to yourself, why does this always happen to me? There's always something to manage. Why can't things ever just work out the way I need them to? We could go on and on, but those are the kinds of statements that we say when we've had repeated moments where there's been a loss of our dreams and expectations. And then if we add, if we feel like we're at the center of that loss, one that can come from, we're taking on too much responsibility for where we are. And then, yes, Mel Myers, that's exactly where I was headed.
Here's where we thought we would be at this age and stage of our lives, and then here's the reality of where we are, and it looks completely different. And then depending upon where we are in our age of maturity, it creates a different level of loss. Looking at our lives at 25 and going, I'm not. Where we want to be creates this, oh, I'm going to change my life, and I'm going to do all of these different things, and I have time having that same focus and looking and observing in the same way. When we are 45 feels very different and we can beat ourselves down, which creates a sense of failure, which often goes along with that sense of loss of dreams and expectations.
Next question for reflection and application for you is, where are you calling yourself a failure, and how can you redirect that perspective? Where are you calling yourself or identifying as a failure? And where can you redirect that thought and that perspective? If we look at a tangible skill for, okay, if I'm in a season where I have this huge and significant loss of dreams and expectations, I'm seeing it show up on my plate, because maybe I'm not handling the things on my plate that I need to do, or maybe I am not eating in a way that nourishes myself well.
I'm stuffing my emotions. I'm using food as a means of numbing out from the loss that I can't figure out how to recover from. What do I do? One of the things that you do is you have to stay aware. Food is not a root issue when it comes to life. It truly isn't the problem. Food is a symptom and a messenger of a much deeper sign of our unmet needs, our unmet expectations, and the loss and the things that we are grieving that we're not working on. That's why we created this space food is a symptom and a messenger.
So if your plate could talk, what is it saying as you chomp on those chips this week? What stressors and anxieties are you munching out? What words are you crunching instead of communicating? For example, if your plate is empty and you're in this cycle of not eating anything, what are you holding? Where are you trying to feel so empty that you avoid feeling? If your plate is perfect, whatever that means, okay. But are you avoiding anything? And by being rigid and too particular and too meticulous, you're still not dealing with with the areas of your life where there may be a loss of dreams and expectations.
So there's a little something for everyone. We always want to be asking ourselves, what is the motivation behind where we are and what we're choosing to put on our plate? I want to give you three tangible things that you can do that you can take from this moment and work on. One. Take each moment, one day at a time. All you can focus on and all you can choose to respond to is what's happening in the here and now. Number two, continue to increase your awareness. Now, I know some of you might say I have more awareness that I want, but that's only part of what I want you to do.
As humans, we're the only individuals that have the ability to observe our thoughts, to observe our mind. So it's not just about sitting in the spiral of thoughts. It's about stepping back and observing how is the time and the energy and the tension and the way I am nursing these thoughts impacting me. And then number three, choose. You decide where you direct the energy and the attention of your thoughts. We do have the ability to choose how much energy we give. Thoughts. Thoughts come. We cannot stop a thought from coming.
But once it's there, we can step back, we can become aware of it, and we can choose. I'm no longer going to give this the same level of energy, because in doing so, I am abandoning my body. I am letting myself down. I am watching myself graze through food or over exercise, or not eat or drink more or smoke more. None of which is going to solve what you're navigating. So again, I will end you with this final thought. If your plate could talk, what is it telling you? Will you listen? And what choices can you make to help redirect the way that you are nourishing your body?
Because you're worth it and you deserve it. Always a joy to be here and to be with you. Take it all. One day at a time. But use the power of choice and know that your thoughts only have the power that you give them. And when you redirect that energy into other places, you will benefit around the power of that. We'll continue this conversation next Friday. Until then, continue to watch all the other providers that will be on here talking about various aspects of grief. Continue to invite others to join us, but most importantly, have an amazing rest of the week.
I'll see you soon.
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