You're NOT Gonna Jinx It.

Hello, hello, hello. Happy Thursday, people. We are going to test some technology out today and see if I sound better using my little I think I'm an influencer mic or if it sounds better when I don't use it. So we will see as we get people to join in and I will listen back to it in the replay and we can just talk to all of our tech gurus here at Cadre and see what they prefer. Sometimes you have to defer to additional gurus who are guruing in things that you do not do. So. Hi, everybody. I'm Miss Shannon.

If you're joining us in the replay here in Cadre, I hope that you are doing your best to make your way in this complex universe that we all are part of. If you're wondering who I am, I'm a. Hello, Chris. I am a comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, and a bunch of other stuff if you check my LinkedIn page. But mostly I am the mother to an adorable 16 year old boy who I call cyclone kid who also happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum. So I am happy to be joining you on this Thursday as part of our caregiver day and just understanding the additional complexities that you may have if you were in the role of a caregiver for somebody that you care deeply about.

So thank you for joining us. And I, as we have people that are watching, I thought I would give you a little question to ask yourself. And I just wondered, you know, this week, and if you're watching me on Thursday, that means you get a little bit more time within the week, I just wondered, what have you done for yourself that you got to check off your to do list that you had been rolling and rolling and rolling and I mean done for yourself because a lot of times as caregivers, there's a bunch of stuff on our list.

Hello, Anila. We appreciate you. So a lot of times as caregivers, there's things on our list that continue to roll because we allow them to be supplanted by the things that we are doing for the people we are caring for. So that's why I ask you very specifically, what have you done for yourself this week that you get to roll off your to do list that's for you. And I mean, I mean, those, those silly things that you keep going. It doesn't get to be a priority. And I can wait until later. So I know I rolling and rolling.

So I'm going to give you an example. So what I did this morning for myself is I went to the dentist and had my teeth clean, so I'm feeling extra sparkly. I know that sometimes dentist visits cause anxiety for people. My anxiety lives in a different realm. I don't happen to be there. So if you are one of those people that dental visits give you anxiety, I see you. That's just not my life. I enjoy going to the dentist. I like them getting all of the stuff and the screen. I don't. I don't know. Maybe it's just another thing that you're like, Shannon, we are new.

You're weird. Now you have just proven the fact of how weird you are, the fact that you enjoy your dental visits. But no, it's one of those things that you can look up and go, wow, how long has it been since I went last? And so a couple of years ago, I put that on the list of self care things that I do that I'm like, that's important. And the reason why I also am very proud of myself for going to get my teeth clean this morning is because it's one of those things where you're doing a favor for future you.

And there's all these studies that talk about how even though we are doing it for ourselves, since it is for our future selves, we really look at it the same way that we would look at anything we would do for a stranger. Like, it's very difficult to take yourself out of the presence, especially as a caregiver, and go, oh, I'm going to go and do this thing that's important. Hey, Jules. So you don't mind the cleaning? I. Yeah, you're. Oh, you're right. You're right. There are other pokings and proddings that happen along with the cleaning that sometimes are a little more invasive in nature.

I agree with you. But, you know, the cleaning, I'm all for it. I feel like, you know what? I'm a champion. I should get a badge or a sticker. I know the stickers are for little kids, but sometimes I give myself one anyway, so that's cool. But it's really one of those things that is important for you to be able to do for future you and get that off of your plate. And last week when we were talking about some things that you can do for present you and putting it on your not only your to do list, but after you've done it, putting on that I did it list.

And as our friend speakwonder had put in the chat last week, we were talking about that, your ta da list. I loved that. I appreciated them sharing that. Your tada. Listen, for me, not only was I glad that I got to do that because I know future me would appreciate the fact that I am taking care of that before something goes awry. I mean, you'd be surprised. You never know what's going on in the back of your mouth. You got to let somebody else look up in there sometimes. And it should probably be a professional.

Don't just ask your friend or the person at the gas station to check out your molars. Go see a professional. But it's also one of those things that you are preparing yourself for the future. You're also taking care of your health and other things because that's one of those things that can sneak up on you and take you out when now you're like, well, now, who's going to take care of the person that I'm caring for? Because I didn't do this one thing for myself because it was on that list of things that I kept rolling.

And I also am very fortunate that I got to put it on my, as part of my gratitude practice for the week because I know that I am fortunate that I have access to things like the fact that I can go to a dentist twice a year and take this and have that time for myself and take care of it. Sometimes it feels like a selfish act. It's not. And it's worth it to go. It's one less thing I have to roll off. It's like, you know, there's so many things you're going to put on the list for the next day. So think about that.

What is it that you've done for yourself this week that is for you, that you've been rolling and rolling and rolling? I encourage you to take some time to do that and get those, those things out of the way and onto the particular topic that I was promoting that we're going to talk about this week, the concept of you're not going to jinx it. And what brought that to mind for me is that recently I was speaking at a caregiver retreat, and I'm very grateful for the fact that I got to make the connection with the parents that were there to talk about their loved ones and their journeys and where they were.

And it was a wonderful weekend of them being able to build connection. So one of the things that I started the conversation with is something that we've done here on Cadre before was I said, everybody go around the room and you can introduce yourself. Tell us about your family and who it is that you give care to and then also share one of your medium wins. And I told them at the time, share a medium win over the next two to four from the last two to four weeks. So share a medium win, because a lot of times we're waiting for that big win.

So we just don't give ourselves our roses for those medium wins. And those medium wins are usually the things that get us from day to day. And one of the things I thought was really interesting is, as we were going around the room, people seemed very leery of sharing one of their wins. And people brought up on more than one occasion, oh, well, I don't want to jinx it, as if bringing up something positive that happened was going to cause this negative thing to happen in response. And that's something that we do a lot, you know, like living in the world of catastrophizing.

And Doctor Charryse talked about that earlier this week. She should go check her out here on Cadre as well. But living in the world of catastrophizing and misunderstanding the way when we use words like karma and those other things, that there might be this one to one transference of things that happen in our life, if we are too happy about something, then we're going to have the universe swoop in, because we've now brought attention to it, and then it's going to be taken away. And it's natural that we do that.

I mean, it's really that defense mechanism that our brains do, because you know that there's something negative that's coming, but you can't always tell when it's going to be there. And it's easier for us to prepare for it, so that if something negative happens, then we'll have less of a sense of loss. So it's very understandable that our brains are wired to do that for us. It's running one of those self preservation and self protection mechanisms that we have that our brain goes to that. And so it's important for us to then work with our brain that we know can live in that and also train it, because that's what you have to do.

You have to train it to go. Yes, I thought about that negative thing, but let's think in the positive as well, and allowing yourself to also see what the positives are and to give yourself time to steep in those positive things, like a teabag and some warm water. Just sit in it, rest in it, enjoy it, because that's how you can refuel yourself when you're dealing with the negative things that we have, like allowing that weight of negativity to actually be released, feeling all of the feels, going through all of the things, but then also going, you know, but here's something good that happened and allowing yourself to feel all the feels and go through all the things of the positive things that happen in your life as well.

That's the balance that I think when we're looking for things in our life, where you're talking about life balance, it's very difficult to have work life balance or these other things. You can't find balance in that. But if you're looking towards your internal balance, that is something that we can control a little bit more, because that's what's going on in the messy parts of our brain, and it's something I have to remind myself all the time. One of my favorite quotes was one where they talk about worry, and if you're like me, you can catastrophize, drop into the realm of worry.

And I heard somebody say that worry is praying for things you don't want to happen. So worry is praying for things you don't want to happen. And that's a little dramatic, I know, but it did make me just sit back and pause and think about the fact that it's right that resting in worry does not serve you. You're allowed to think of those things and do your best to try and make sure that negative things don't happen. But resting in that worry is where you end up depleting yourself and using up a bunch of emotional calories that are better served someplace else.

So allowing yourself to go, okay, I thought it. But now, again, using our internal socratic method of asking yourself the questions of, is it true? If it is true, what am I going to do about it? And what can I do? That would be a tangible thing that might actually make me feel better here in the moment and help me make a choice about what the next right thing to do for me, people I'm caring for to get some rest, whatever it is, versus using the energy to continue to ruminate and worry. It's something that I try to teach my son in certain ways because I can see when he's in a.

I call it a negativity spiral, like, I can see when he's stuck in the land of no. And so we'll just be stuck in this land of no, which is very easy, surprisingly, for teenagers, to drop into the land of no. Imagine that we all remember what we were like back in teenagers, so. But remembering whether that was something that we were able to use it to fuel us to make a better decision or use it to get us into the next step of what we actually needed, which was an actionable item. Maybe it was more rest.

Maybe it was you needed to hydrate. Maybe it was something where you're like, today's the day that I'm going to take a full shower, but I'm so worried that something's going to happen. I'm going to use that time thinking about something that I can't even do anything about. So I encourage you to encourage you to release worry. I encourage you to give yourself, your roses about the wins that you have in your life and to do it in a way that you are not. Not believing that you are setting yourself up for something bad to happen by acknowledging that you have something good in your life.

We are all allowed to have both of those things in our life. And so you are also allowed to feel all of the good things about the good things that you have and know that, yes, the negative things are inevitable. You aren't causing them by championing the positive things that you have going on throughout your day. So if you need a little reminder every once in a while, chop back in here. Drop back in here to Cadre. There are lots of people who can give you that moment where if you're like, oh, I was resting in worry and I need somebody to help me disrupt that.

This is a great place to start. If you just need somebody to know that there's other people who are in the midst and going through just like you, this is a great place to pop through. There are plenty of content throughout it, regardless of where you are in your journey. And, you know, if there's anything in particular that you ever want us to cover and Cadre, if there would be something that would be valuable as we continue to build this community, please let us know if there's something on my side of things that you're like, hey, do you ever talk about X, Y, or z?

Please drop it in the comments. We always are very excited to make sure that we are providing resources for you in the ways that make sense and also in a way that's accessible. Because most of us that are here in Cadre, the reason that we're here is because we want to build the community and because we're going through the same things that you are. And so it's a good place to be able to have these conversations and talk about, today was a rough day, but tomorrow might be better, or yesterday was great.

Why is today so hard? Wherever you are, we've been there, too, and there's somebody that can go, yeah, I see you and I hear you. So make sure that you drop it in the chat throughout the weekend. We are going to have a variety of content that's going on. And for sure, check out my, one of my comedy besties. Tiffany Norton's going to be here Sunday night. You could check out her comedy centered where, again, where she talks about a variety of things, including some PTSD, talking about some challenges that she's gone through.

And she is an amazing human being and I encourage you to check her out. So we are going to sign up for today because there are a variety of things that I would like to officially get done before I go pick my kiddo up at school. And so I appreciate you guys sharing a few minutes with me. I hope that it brightens your day. I know that talking to you definitely brightened mine. So we'll see you guys next week. So thanks, everybody. Bye.