Harbor Pilots - Climbing Jacob’s Ladder

Good morning. It is eastern time, 11:00 and it's a beautiful day in Erie, Pennsylvania. My name is Kathy Joy. My coffee handle is speak wonder, and my topic on caregiver day every Thursday is harbor pilots. I welcome you to the live, and if you can get me on replay, that's great. I've noticed lately I've been catching a lot of my fellow Codros fear speakers on replay. Life just sometimes comes in sideways, doesn't it? Hi Steph. Thanks for joining. Thanks for your comment on the last live about my poetry.

Really appreciate you. And I learned recently that your daughter is also a boy from your life. So, you guys, on Caregiver day, I've heard the word hyper vigilance, and I'm in a state of that with my being a caregiver to my 93 year old mom, who is in a nursing home. I'm her Harvard attorney and I do all her administrative work. Administrative work. And emotionally, I drive to where she lives at least once a week, sometimes twice, depending on what's going on or whether she has an appointment or something like that.

And I like to watch the activity calendar at her home so that I can join her for bingo or maybe a concert or a worship service, something that she's interested in, and I can be there beside her for that event. And I surely do love that. But hyper vigilance. So before I launch into today's discussion about Jacob's ladder, I wanted to talk about and just remind you that I'm with you and I understand you if you're in a state of watchfulness, wakefulness awareness. Recently I had a discussion with my two brothers about mom's eventual demise.

And what's that going to look like, feel like, and how will the news come to us, even though at 93, going on 94, her body is shutting down? I mean, there's nothing imminent. They're managing mom's pain and she's got her mental faculties with her, which is a blessing. And she's, she's very, very funny. Her humor is part of her coping mechanism and part of our conversation all the time. Mom loves plays on words, and I know I got my wordsmithing from her. Well, anyway, even though it's a phone call that's expected, it's one you don't want to get that says your mom.

You know, it's gone. And so my phone rang at 06:00 this morning. I was taking my morning walk and it said the name of her nursing home, so I wasn't sure if it was a staff member or mom. It was mom. She said, do I have an appointment today? I just wondered. And she is. Oh, thank you. Dream big. I'm excited to see you, too. And I'm excited to sense your smile on the other side of the screen. Mom usually is not an early riser. So the fact that I got this jolting ringtone on my phone before it was even daylight was alarming.

And then it was mom. And I was able to quickly calm her down when I told her, no, mom, you don't have an appointment today. Do you think you can get back to sleep? She said she probably could. She thanked me and we said, I love yous, and we were done. But I know I'll get that call from a staff member, from the head nurse or somebody at some point, and I hope I'm ready for it. I don't think I will be. I don't think we ever are. For that finality. I just say that as, as sort of an add in to my Jacob ladder.

Jacob's ladder talk today. So this is something I never do. I never number my notes. O child, oh, child, oh, childhood. A patient caregiver. So. Hmm. Here we go. I thought I might preface, looks like I ran out of paper. Are you even kidding me? So I was going to preface my talk also with the poem I wrote on. It's called stanzas for a day. A day in three stanzas. So there's a stanza titled morning and then afternoon and then evening. And I penned that the other day, and I posted it in the live, in the chat, in the conversation stream that we have on the Cadre.

I hope you'll go there and have a look see. It's titled a Day in three stanzas by Kathy Joyous. So I am missing some of my notes, and I'm just gonna fly by the seat of my pants. So a Jacob's ladder, you might be familiar with that from. Wait, is that the rest of it over there? You might be familiar with that from maybe a camp song. Are you climbing Jacob's ladder around the campfire? I remember at youth group or Athenae summer camp, we would sing that song. It's also a little yarn or string game.

And there's one where everyone, you know, your partner takes turns pulling at the strings and you make something that in the end, looks like a Jacob's ladder. Did you know that in harbor pilot speak and in real life, in maritime. Maritime speak, that a Jacobs ladder is the rope that goes up the side of the boat? So most weeks on harbor pilots, I give a quick reminder of what that is. And a harbor pilot is either someone receiving caregiving or giving the caregiving. And as caregivers, we need people to speak into our life, to notice us, and to give us little reminders that we need self care.

And so harbor pilots are people in your life who drive a boat up to yours, and then they climb up the ladder and they get in, and sometimes they steer the boat into safer waters, especially those harbor pilots who are mentor types who are either in the sea of caregiving with you, or they've been there, and they want to just pull you along gently and help you and use their knowledge base and their experience to assist you in your dailyness. Relentless caregiving. So a Jacobs ladder is the actual nautical term for the rope ladder that goes up the side of the boat in which the assistant or the harbor pilot climbs up so they can gain access to the boat.

It could be made of rope or metal. Usually it's rope, and it's a little tricky. It takes some, you know, physical stamina. It takes some core strength to pull yourself up that ladder, but it's essential for getting in the boat. I bring it up because Jacob's ladder is also something from the Bible in which Jacob had a dream, the Old Testament in Genesis, and he had a dream of climbing a ladder up to the sky, and in it, he was camping, and he was underneath a tree. This vision or this dream came to him, and a stairway was set on the ground, and it reached all the way to the sky, and angels of God were going up and down the ladder.

And so scholars and biblical interpreters and ministers will say the ladder is a symbol of the bridge between heaven and earth. And it's Jacob's vision that gave us, as readers of the Bible, a visual of what it means to have that connectivity between heaven and earth, that mysterious connection. So I did some digging on Google, and I'm so glad I did, because the term Jacob's ladder can also refer to a network of lines that leads to a skysail. Now, a skysail is the bomb. It is so cool. Google, it just put in Skysail.

That's what I did. All one word, Skysail. It's a kite, you guys. It's a kite that pulls the ship along, so it harnesses the power of the wind to pull the ship along, and it assists the sails and the motors and everything that's already in place to pull the ship along. I got the impression from my research that it will also help the ship without the assistance of motors that it's just so powerful in a good wind and it's way up there like a big old kite in the sky and it's all poofed out so, so cool.

And it was actually in the video I watched, I pulling a large, like a very large. Maybe not a cargo ship, but just a big, long ship. It had to be a heavy vessel and it was pulling it along in the ocean. That's a skysail. And the Jacob's ladder is the connection to the skysail. A skysail, in older terms, nautically, is the uppermost sail. On an old ship, it's the uppermost. And then it's only topped by something called a moonsail. So don't you just love that? I mean, it just feeds right into a poet's heart.

A skysail and then a moonsail. So my thoughts today are, what if, as we keep climbing, and as we keep lovingly being vigilant with our loved one as caregiver, what if each rung disappeared beneath our feet? So this is Kathy's dream or vision. This is my speculation of what it means to be connected to our loved one and being lovingly dedicated to his or her care and to climb. Can you put in the comments what has disappeared beneath your feet? In other words? Hey, Jules. You're fine. Hi. I guess what I'm asking is a little esoteric.

It's not super specific, but what have you had to say goodbye to? Imagine yourself climbing a rope ladder to your loved one. And you're dedicated, you are moving forward, and you're diligently seeking how you can help, and you're executing those helps. Whether it's the mundane or, you know, whatever it is. I mean, there is holiness in the mundane as we lovingly caregive our folks. And for me, it's my mom. And so, anyway, like, I'll give you an example. I've had to give up my routines. So as I climbed that ladder and imagining that that run below me is disappearing, my so called normal is no longer accessible.

It has disappeared beneath my feet as I continue forward in my caregiving journey. I don't say that with any degree of resentment. It's more of a reality. Normal as I knew it has vanished. Will it return? Probably in a new way, a new template? At some point right now, my normal is very much so consumed with what my mom needs. And so I continue up the ladder. I've had to relinquish or to not relinquish. I've had to pull in some of the time I usually would spend with my grandkids, that rung has not disappeared.

But it, it is a little wobbly some days. And I know that I can't lower myself down to being with the grandkids because I'm continuing on Jacob's ladder to that connectivity I have with mom. That's pretty much today's talk is how are you connected in a sacred way, in a specific way from your heart? How are you tethered with your Jacob's ladder as being a helper in your world? And what is it that's disappearing beneath your feet? It's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to say yes. I've had to let this go and I kind of don't like it, but I'm dedicated and I'm moving forward, Jewel says, having to add my sister in law to my caregiving, sister in law's sister in law to my caregiving, my evening family time is now different.

Thank you for your input. And yes, I think it's just healthy, isn't it, to acknowledge where you've had to pivot and adapt. And in this symbol and visual where you are seeing the rope rungs or the ladder rungs disappearing beneath your feet. All we can do really is keep climbing because going back is not an option. So we keep climbing. Some days we only get a couple rungs up and we slip a little. And other days we are making amazing progress. However that's measured, it's holy and it's sacred and it's important.

It's important work to climb that ladder. And we're in it together on the Cadre. I would like to end today with a poem I found called o patient caregiver. And it is penned by one of my favorite authors, Anonymous. It's not known who wrote this. O patient caregiver, let me read this to you and take heart, o patient caregiver. With heart so weary, I see your slumped shoulders, eyes bleary as the days and night's true toll mounts. Steady, caring, lifting, soothing, keeping ready. The mother you knew fades herself, made shady her memories now shadows, mind unsteady, she calls your name puzzled, questions ever ready.

As you hold her hand, look on her lovingly. This woman cradled you, a babe so tender, her strength and love made your young world bright. Now the rules reverse in time's swift splendor as you guide her faltering steps through night. Your calm voice and patient ways attend her through each fitful night and confused day. With compassion bathe and gently lift her lead her as a child who's lost her way. O faithful heart, despair not when she fails you. Her eyes reflect none who came before. Let loving purpose within now avail you to cradle in kind arms as she cradled your for not in stale duty is your caring, rooted, but watered fresh by love and empathy.

You walk this strange road, long but devoted, your gentle soul a balm for what will be. Let loving purpose be available to you as you climb Jacob's ladder, and sometimes as those rungs disappear below your feet. Be encouraged. My friend, thank you for joining the live. I invite you to join the other Cadre speakers that will be along today on Caregiver day. There's always the replay. Next week on harbor pilots. I would like to teach you how to fold a paper boat. And I would like to give you some little prompts or ideas of how you might use this boat as a gift to somebody else and what message it might carry.

Thank you, everybody. Be well. Be honest. Receive love. It's coming your way.