Anila reflects on grief and presence, offering two thoughts: that what one can give is presence and love, and that allowing that to be enough is acceptable. She draws on examples from recent group gatherings.
Hey there, Cadre. How are you? Coming in with our Cadre today. A little bit later than normal, but we flow, don't we? We'll let the chorus play. Even if you're not, that is pretty okay too.
Anila: Our grief is not anyone else's grief. What we give is what we have, and that is our presence, our love. She says we need to let that be enough. Anila: Know that what you're doing is enough.
Hey there, Cadre. Happy Friday. How are you? Coming in with our Cadre today. A little bit later than normal, but we flow, don't we? We'll let the chorus play. Oh, gosh. Beezabits. Anila, how are you guys? I hope you are great. But even if you're not, that is pretty okay too. It may not feel like it. It may not feel as good to be not okay as it does to feel to be okay. But that doesn't mean that you are not doing what you're supposed to be doing. I love what happens when we get reminders from other people or when we are offered other perspectives that enter from other people.
Other people's lives, other people's sharings, other people's perspectives. Often on Friday, we talk about grief and loss. These things that so often, completely true, isolate us, right? Our grief is not anyone else's grief. Hey, Jules. Nice to see you, my friend. So it's on both sides of the coin. Number one, our grief is our grief. But on the other side, other people looking at the griever goes, gosh, what? I don't have anything to give because they're experiencing what they're experiencing. So what do we give?
What do we give in those moments? Well, I want to offer two thoughts on the way to answer that question. Number one, what we give is what we have, and that is our presence, our love, the fact that we are having a response to them feeling something that is not enjoyable to experience. But the second thought is we need to let that be enough. Why? Because it is enough. I think the reason why everybody tries to do too much in those moments because they don't think that what is actually sensical and intuitive to them is worth enough.
We want to say, oh, I. I know what you're going through. So then that person's not alone. In reality, we don't know what they're going through. We say things like, oh, the pain will pass, when in reality, they may not want the pain to pass. And number two, we don't know if it will. I've never known anyone who's stopped grieving once they've started grieving because the reason for the grief remains, the loss still remains. But why do we say those things? Because we don't think that being present is enough.
In the last two days, I've gotten to be in three rooms of big groups of people. We had our Cadre event on safety yesterday. It was beautiful. I had a coaches retreat. I'm an executive coach and help organizations. No, I guess that's the full statement. I help organizations through the reality of being a verb and not a noun, being an evolution, being a process. So we had a coaches retreat yesterday afternoon, and then this morning I had the opportunity to listen to Craig Warren, who's the CEO of Washburn center for Children, which provides mental health support for young people.
With about 200 people, I got to sit in a room and engage around someone's perspective. Being Craig. Now, in any of these rooms, we didn't talk about what we were going through necessarily, but by connecting with each other, by listening to one another, by creating with one another, that's exactly what we do. Whenever we encounter someone we love who is dealing with the good, the bad, the easy, the heavy, the answerable, the non answerable, we spend time. You know what, at the end of each of those three events, I walked out going like, wow, I'm really glad that I got to be a part of that.
If you know someone who is going through something, be in that two person party with them. And innately on the other side of the time spent, everybody goes, ah, you know what, that's good. It's not a salve. It's not going to make things go away or change, but it will remind us that at the end of the day, that love will save the day. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Yes, Anila, so as you move on into your weekend, know that who you are is enough. Know that what you're doing is enough.
Know that how you are dealing is enough. Because if you always calibrate to that moment, you will go, huh, you know what I need, I want, I think, I feel. When you start trusting those senses, it's leading you somewhere. You gotta do the things you gotta be. Have a good Friday, Wanna be. She gotta be.
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