Dr. Leslie Davis explores the human need for belonging, referencing Maslow's hierarchy and holiday pressures, and reflects on feeling like the black sheep. She discusses creating chosen family and being intentional about where and how to seek connection.
Dr. Leslie Davis: I like coffee hot, cold, whatever. There was something that came up in the session with my client that I think is relevant for a lot of us. And I'm grateful for Apple products.
Some people struggle with feeling the sense of belonging. Without belonging, we don't move towards our self esteem and self actualization. Sometimes we want to belong in spaces that we shouldn't be in. Sometimes that means our families. What do we do when we do not feel like we belong?
We have this need for connection and need for belonging from the people that we want to connect to. Pay attention to where you are connected and where you feel like you belong. Chase those spaces. Be intentional about seeing someone and showing some love.
Hey, Kadre, it's Dr. Leslie Davis here. Welcome to my coffee chat, and I will confess. So I just got out of a session. I'm trying to get myself regulated, and I had this cup of coffee during my session. The conversation was just so good, I didn't even get a chance to finish it. So my coffee is cold, and that's okay. I like coffee hot, cold, whatever. I'll take it however I can get it. But I do want to pause for a second. I need to grab my notes because there was something that came up in the session with my client that I think is relevant for a lot of us, especially during the holidays.
So give me one second. And I'm grateful for Apple products. I don't know who out there has Apple versus the Android, but I'm an Apple girl and I love how you compare your phone to your MacBook and have everything that you need all in different places and just be able to pull up so quickly. So I need to look at my notes because there was something that we talked about that I want to share with you guys. And it's about this need for belonging. And this is, you know, it could be a tough time for some people with the holidays.
We got Thanksgiving coming up this week. We have Christmas coming up soon, New Year's. And so there's this refresh that's about to happen. And I think some people struggle with feeling the sense of belonging. And I like looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And belonging is that space right in the middle of this pyramid of all the needs that we have as human beings. And without belonging, we don't move towards our self esteem and self actualization. So what do we do when we don't feel like we belong?
And I think that's something we really have to take time to consider. Do we belong anywhere? And sometimes we want to belong in spaces that we shouldn't be in. Sometimes that means our families. Okay, I know it's hard to admit that, but sometimes it's the truth. Sometimes our families are not good for us. You know, maybe you consider yourself the black sheep. And I think I talked about that a few weeks ago. Feeling like the black sheep, like you're different, you don't belong. You're called out for being different.
And maybe you're forced into separation or forced into isolation by the people that you should feel connected to. And so what do we do when we don't have the sense of longing? So one thing that came up that I want to share with you guys is you know, we have this need for connection and sometimes we can recognize when we have it. So let's say we want connection with our family and we don't get it there. And so we create a new sense of family through friends or a new sense of family through our co workers or any type of group that we belong to.
And at times we do experience love and belonging with those people, but we still have this void of disconnection with the people that we want to belong to or feel like we should belong to our family, right? We are born into family. We don't get to choose our family. Unless you're choosing family through marriage, right? Or through partnership. But when you're born into family, you don't get to choose who your mom and dad are. You don't get to choose who your siblings are. You're just thrown into it.
You're thrown into the mix. And sometimes those people that we are forced to connect to are not good for us. And that's okay to admit, right? It's hard to admit those things. It might not feel good inside to say, I don't feel like I belong to my family, but sometimes that's just our truth. And so what do we do when there's this need for connection and need for belonging from the people that we want to connect to or feel like we should? So one thing to consider is, you know, pay attention to where you are connected and where you feel like you belong.
Seek out those connections. And so consider, do you need more time with those people? Do you need to be more intentional with the people that you already feel a bond with? Do you need to reach out and ask them, hey, can we spend some time together? Can we get some coffee together? Can I come over and just hang out? We don't have to talk. I just need to be around you. Do we need time and even physical closeness to the people we are already connected to? And if you feel like you get enough time with those people, but there's still this void, maybe the void can be filled by creating new connections, new ways of belonging.
So consider if you want to connect to a new group, maybe there's an activity you've always wanted to try that is attached to a group and you could build community that way. And I'll just put it out there, you know, we got Cadre, right? This is community here, coming to live sessions, coming to the chats that we have, watching the videos that our content providers are creating for us and making comments, right? And so even on this video, if you drop Comments in the chat. I told you before, you know, if this is your first time here, I want to welcome you.
But I watch the replays and I look for comments that are made. And if I'm able to respond, I will. But this is a space for community. This is a space for us to connect. And you have the power of choice in this. You get to choose who you watch on Cadre. You get to choose who you're following. Even on social media, you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Those connections are not being forced upon you. So consider the connections that you're choosing. Are you choosing people who are welcoming you, who are acknowledging you?
And I think that's part of the sense of belonging, is we want to be seen. And I don't know where I came across this, but at some point in my life, I've heard, maybe it's an African proverb is what I was told. I don't know if that's true or not, but this sense of love is. It means to be seen. So to be loved is to be seen. So where are you being seen? That's where you need to find your love. Where are you being acknowledged? Where are you being welcomed for who you really are, not who someone wants to see you as?
Chase those spaces. And I also want to challenge you this week to see others. It goes both ways. We don't do this alone, right? We can't just ask for people to see us. And we're not choosing to connect with them the way that they need to be connected to as well. So go out there, look for someone to connect to. Right? Be intentional about it. Be intentional about seeing someone and showing some love. Okay, I'm gonna leave you with that because I have no more words for now. But if you're watching the replay, please drop in where you're watching from.
I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving and have a wonderful day and don't forget your coffee by.
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