Live with Dr.Charryse 🧠: “How are You Doing, Really?”

Hello Cody Sphere, it is Wednesday. If you're listening to this in real time at a different time than we would normally see each other, it's 6:00pm and it's pretty interesting to be with you during this time. I wasn't sure what it would be like because typically I'm a bird. But it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It has been a super, super busy day. Hello to everyone who's joining. But I kind of like this. Maybe as we head into 2025, I might mix things up a little bit and do a morning stream and an evening stream.

I bet people who are in a different time zone would be really happy about that. If this is your first time here, I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author and I come here a few times a week. For us to talk, for us to be real and take a close look is what does it mean to exist in life with a level of harmony? So I want you to do a couple things. First, send some hearts, right? Let us know you're here, let us know. And maybe send whatever reaction fits where you are right now.

I always encourage you to chime in and let me know where you are located in all the world. I missed you guys last week. I'm back. I will be back and all the way in for the rest of the year. But I was in what's up Dallas? Hello Statesboro. I was in a time zone last week and a half that you would not have wanted to see me in the morning. It was not beautiful and I wouldn't have been very coherent. But I'm glad to be back and I had a great week and I'm excited about what we're going to get into today.

What I really want you to consider if you ever a person who looks at the title, and I do try to title these hello Fairmont, West Virginia, so that you can come back to them. I titled this one how are you doing? Really? And I want you to answer that question. Hello, Steph Irwin from Savannah. How are you really doing? Of course you can answer it in the chat or if you're the kind of person that takes some time to reflect, I want you to do the same. Self checking is so essential. The overarching question that I want us to really explore, hello St.

Louis, is what is it like to be you right now? I'm gonna make you guys laugh, or at least I'm laughing for a second. In a tangent, I realized the last Time I did a live here, I was wearing the same cardigan. I don't know what shirt I was wearing. Probably the same thing. Hilarious. But anyway, sorry, adhd, Brain squirrel. What is it like to be you right now? And if you're able to answer, you can answer in two ways. You can give me a suds rating, meaning kind of your level of distress. One meaning you're doing, you know, 10 meaning you're doing phenomenal.

Right. One is the worst 10. Or you can put in the chat as much as you want to share about what is it like to be you right now? And here's what I really want you to consider. I want you to consider, what are you not showing the rest of the world? When I ask you what it's like to be you right now, I really want you to think about, here is what people see on the outside, and here is what you know is happening beneath the surface. There is a philosophy of writing and a psychological theory that have joined forces together called the iceberg theory.

Here's essentially what it looks like. Draw a line down the middle of the paper and then draw an iceberg and really consider that an iceberg actually only shows you the tip of the iceberg, but it's broad and thick and wide underneath. So we use this to help people explore what's happening beneath the surface. And if you're doing this in the moment, it's a really great thing to do. At the top of the iceberg, above the waterline, you write down all the things that you're working hard to have people see about you.

Oh, you want them to see that you're all put together. You want them to see that you're super excited. You want them to see that you're calm and collective. You want them to see that you're working hard. You want them to see that you're kind of taking care of yourself. Hello, from Chattanooga. But then as you go deeper and you dig beneath the surface, I really want you to write down, if only for yourself, what. What's beneath the surface? What is it like to be you right now? Maybe you're exhausted from caregiving or caretaking.

Maybe life right now beneath the surface actually feels overwhelming. Maybe you feel stuck. Maybe you feel afraid and anxious about a big decision that you know that you need to make and you don't want to. Maybe you are in a place that you feel like you're going through the motions and it's hard to feel. So you're showing one thing on the outside, but you're Pretty numb if people could see inside. So again, SUDs rating 1 to 10 in terms of how you're doing or just a few statements about where you are right now?

Yeah, feeling a little spread thin right now. I'll even answer for myself. I've been in this very interesting place today. I'm trying to figure out, is it jet lag, is it coming back and throwing myself into all the things that I'm doing. There's been a lot of great things happening, but I think what I'm feeling is just this deep exhaustion right there is this part of me that is like, oh, when does this year stop? When does this year pause? And, you know, we know truly, it never does. But I think I'm in this place where I'm looking for space.

I'm looking for a few days strung together that are just restful and restorative where I can truly give my mind permission to slow down. And don't get me wrong, it is totally up to me to create that. But that's just my truth. That's where I am. And what it's like to be me right now is I'm exhausted, but I don't see an end in sight yet. I still have a lot of really important things that I need to accomplish and do. And so those two places are opposing. And that's why we look at what's been above the surface and what's below the surface.

So take a look at what you identified is below your surface. Maybe you only identified one thing, a few things. Maybe there's a million things, and you're like, oh, my goodness. So then the next thing I want you to ask yourself is, okay, if I really consider what it's like to be me right now, what do I need that I can provide for myself? That's the caveat. Because I know when I said, what do I need? You all immediately thought, a million dollars. Duh. Right? But what do I need that I can provide for myself?

Because what that does is it places us back in the driver's seat so that we're reminded that regardless of all the incredible people in our life, none of them are going to make us the ultimate priority. That that's something that we have to choose to do for ourselves. What do you need that you can provide for yourself? If you were able to identify something, let me know in the chat. I'm going to think for myself. What I need that I can provide for myself is a slightly slower pace, and I've already made some steps there.

Just before this as my day was ending, I went to tomorrow's schedule and I was able to move something so that I have a later start in the morning. That's not always possible but it was the thing that I needed and it was the thing that I could actually provide for myself. And what that does when identify what we need, it gives us practice, ongoing, how do I support myself? And when we take action, it is supposed to be empowering. It reminds us that we always have a locus of control. There's always something that we can choose for ourselves if we take the time to identify it and to execute it.

So someone said intentionally time for self care. I'm going to push you just a little bit. When right. Does that need to happen tonight? Would it be helpful to happen tomorrow? Can you make it to this weekend? So even thinking about the time sensitivity of man, I really need this and I need this now. If others of you feel like you need self care, what kind of self care is it connecting with friends? Is it time alone? Is it a nap? So really make it as tangible as possible. I love some of the other things Grace that yeah, you can't be everything to everybody.

And if people get disappointed, that is their work and doesn't mean that you weren't enough. Sometimes we as adults can be like children and want things when we want them and we don't realize that hey, other people have other responsibilities than just us. And so if you're on the other side of that, that can be hard. Right? We don't want anyone to be disappointed in who we are. So something that you could do if you find that you are in that situation or a similar situation is remind yourself I've done enough today.

And I am proud of what I've brought into today. I'm proud of the way I showed up in this space. I'm proud of what I have given. So instead of looking at all the things that you feel like you didn't do and what will people think you're like, wait a minute. But I've done this and I've done this and I've done that and I'm really proud that given what it means to be me right now, that I've still been able to show up in all of these ways. And that's why it's also important for you to go what is it really like to be you right now?

Because other people are often holding you to a standard based on what they know of your life. And every one of us is fighting a secret battle. Every one of us has something that we wish were a little different that everybody may not know about, and it does impact the way we're showing up. So when we take time to look at that iceberg and say, what's beneath the surface, then we can go, wow, there's a lot going on and I'm still choosing to show up. I am proud of myself for that. So as you move forward, I want you to leave this moment.

And if you need to continue looking at your iceberg, please take the time to be honest with yourself. What are you experiencing right now? What is it like to be you? Not me, not the person you see on social media who looks like they have all together. What is it like to be you right now? What's beneath your surface that no one knows about and you don't have to tell anybody, but you can feel it. But you're battling it. You're carrying it, you're worried about it. And what do you need that you can provide for yourself because you're worth it.

And when you take the time to give yourself what you need, that's going to help you continue to show up in all the spaces that require something from you. I'm glad that you chose to show up during this time. And maybe this is a message that hit home for you or you know, someone else who has been struggling and, you know, it's a lot. There's a lot going on for them. Share these messages that you watch from various contributors. The beautiful thing, I'll say this a million times, the wonderful and powerful thing that I love about this space is the only thing here is what you want to find, right?

You decide where you go and what you watch. Instead of you being inundated by notifications and comments and debates and thoughts that aren't necessarily great for you, give yourself something that you need, even if it's for a few minutes. So I'll say this as a final thought. It doesn't have to be something big. It doesn't have to be something that costs a lot of money. Even if you journal, someone is mentally journaling for five minutes. That's better than zero minutes. So also be flexible with yourself around what you do, how much time and attention it takes, but ultimately know that you're worth the time.

I'll be back on Friday and we'll be focused on if your plate could talk. But until then, please take care of yourself. I'm so glad that you came and I will see you all very soon.