Things We Aren't Supposed To Talk About

Cadre. Good morning. Hello. Happy Thursday. Happy caregiver day on Cadre. Good morning. It is Shannon. Excuse me, it's Shannon here on Cadre on caregiver day. So for those of you who. Oh, my goodness, excuse me. I've actually been up for a couple hours, so, I mean, I've already yelled at my children, so I don't know why my voice is doing that. Good morning for those of you who I have not met yet. My name is Shannon. I am actually part of the Cadre team. So I work full time at Cadre. I'm going to try to get my phone in a good spot here.

And I am here. I talk on caregiver day. So I'm a peer. I am not a professional. I'm not a mental health professional. I'm a human with lived experiences. Again, I am a caregiver for a child with autism who's 15. He has ADHD, autism and anxiety. My, my neurotypical son also has anxiety. He's 17, just turned 17. I myself have anxiety. I have CPTSD. So we have a lot of things we live with and I might. Excuse me. My live stream is called Things We Aren't Supposed to Talk about. Because my lived experience in the world is that we all go through stuff and we don't talk about it and it makes our life really hard and it sucks because really a lot of us are living with things and we just don't.

We don't say them and then we're all walking around silently suffering. So my live stream is here to do that. And so today you're going to get one that might feel dark. I don't think it's dark. I actually think it's real. I think to the title of my live stream, I think people just don't talk about it. And so it's definitely. It's holiday themed and it is caregiver themed to the extent it's really connected to roles, the roles that we take on in the world and expectations that come with that. And so.

Good morning, Anila. Good morning, Jules. So great to see you both. Anila says I'm reading a beautiful memoir about anxiety right now. Natasha Daniels, out of my shell. Love it. I will absolutely read it. You know, anxiety is such a weird thing as I hit definitely middle age. I'm 48, almost 49. It's like rearing its head again. In fact, last just a couple days ago, I had my first, like legit hot flash in a meeting where my face just went like full red immediately. And it was fascinating. So that's a topic for another day.

But anxiety is very real. Okay, so today I'm going to talk about caregiving for others. And this is kind of like a mind bender, but it's what's been living in my head for the last few weeks as we hit the holiday season. So when we're caregivers of others and when it comes particularly to the holidays, and I'm really thinking about the role of parents, but really any role where there's sort of an expectation for how you show up. And I'm going to speak to myself. So I was born in Iowa. I was raised there and in a very traditional household.

My family was non denominational Christian. And it's a whole story. That's a whole other story. But the role of women was very much to be a wife and a mother and to, you know, you prepare the meal at the holiday time and you're very dedicated to taking care of everyone else on that day. So what that means is that when you're in the kitchen on those days, this is again my lived experience. It wasn't pleasant. Again, this is just the manifestation of it in my experience. So I just want to say that.

But, like, what I witnessed was a woman's job was to. To serve others, right? And so that meant you cooked the meal and you served everything and you were last. And maybe you didn't even sit down or maybe you sat down the last. Like maybe you sat down once the meal was on the table. And. And then, you know, there was a thank you and there was an acknowledgment of like, let's thank, you know, let's thank mom for this beautiful meal that's here. And that was it. And then when the meal was over, all the dishes went to the kitchen and then like everyone walked away and then mom did the dishes for two hours.

So. So that's what I was raised with. So that was sort of the role of the caregiver in my family. The caregiver at the holidays was that. So. So that's not who I am. So as a. So as a human being, and I am not a good cook, I never learned how to cook. I don't enjoy cooking. Cooking is really stressful for me. I don't know how to put it. I don't know how to make a turkey. Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna raise my hand. I'm gonna raise my hand right now and say this. At 48 years old, I've never made a turkey.

I Don't know how to make a turkey. The idea of making a turkey frightens me. I have tried to, in my. In my attempt to normalize my role as a caregiver on a holiday. I have tried before to arrange myself in such a way to be the right kind of caregiver on a holiday for my family and my kids. That's not who I am. And so I bring this up because as we enter into this season, for those of us who are caregivers, and I'm going to take it back to those of us again, if we have neurodiverse kids, if we have kids who aren't neurodiverse, but we have relationships that don't look normal, if we have things about ourselves that don't fit how it's supposed to be, I just.

I'm saying it for myself, and I'm saying it for you to say, like, that's okay. It's okay if you don't fit. And I think I'll speak again for myself. I think that gets even harder at this time of year because the cultural norms are really shoved in our faces, both by culture. Hallmark movies, hello, you know, and every single thing that's on TV represents normatives and norms that are put on us. And the truth is, is that is one. One way to be, and that's actually also a beautiful way to be. And it's one way to be.

And so I just want to have you all know that there is a space where you can be whatever way you are as a caregiver if you're. If someone in your family shows up differently, if you show up differently. Like, this is a space for you to know that there's a thousand ways to show up as a caregiver, as a person. As a person cooking in a kitchen who's not cooking a turkey. I mean, my kids will be. I'm divorced. My kids will be with their dad on Thanksgiving, and I'm gonna go spend time with my boyfriend's family.

And in truth, I'm grateful for that because I don't have to then come up against the feelings I have around not being enough of a cook in the kitchen. Is there work for me to do there? Yes, there is. And I'm not going to kill myself. And I don't mean that literally, and I'm sorry, that's a horrible choice of words. But I'm not going to make myself feel bad, and I'm not going to let that take over my holidays. And I think I want you to know that this is a place where you can also be you. Cadre is that place.

Okay, friends, 9:15. I'm late for a meeting. That's how I also roll, so that's great. I love seeing all of you here today. Jules. Anila. Jules said my parents, most of my family from Iowa. Jules, we have so much in common. I mean, we're Taylor Swift fans. We're going to wear those bracelets for our Dirty House collective. I love seeing you all here. Thank you for being here. You are the Cadre Sphere, and you guys are making this a place for all of us to be safe and loved. Stay tuned to the rest of the day.

We have amazing people coming up, and I just want you to know you're loved, you're awesome, exactly how you are. And the way you're showing up in the world is exactly right. And you're doing a fantastic job being you. All right, we'll see you later today in the Cadre Sphere. Goodbye, friends. Have a great day. We'll see you soon.