Cadre Today Interview with Kathy Joy

Foreign. Oh, my golly gosh, Cadre, how are you doing this morning? It is December 23rd for a lot of people around the world in lots of different ways. It's a week of. Of doing stuff, a week of celebrating, a week of remembering, a week of being in the things. But right now, we get to spend time with be a Bits and Jules and Luke and our wonderful special guest, who I'll introduce in one moment, the wonderful Kathy Joy. Speak Wonder. But as a reminder, right, we're here every single day in so many different ways for one big reason, and that is to show you that there's many ways to be well.

So we hope you're doing great today. But if you're not, know that that's. It may not feel wonderful, but it's wonderful, too. Why? Because you're placing yourself in a community of people who are pulling together resources, knitting together community. To say, hey, you are a complex being that is always going and taking a moment. To say, I'm going to go differently right now is powerful. Good morning, Marisa as well as you join the conversation. And now I'd like to introduce our guest on the Cadre Today interview today, the one and only Kathy Joy.

Kathy, how are you doing, my friend? I'm doing well, thank you. I'm feeling at peace, at rest. I'm feeling very relaxed. And I'll tell you how I prepared for this interview. Yeah, exactly. Nothing. I did not rehearse. I did not find a bunch of props because the Cadre is so organic and the conversations are so fresh. I did not want to inhibit that by preparing. That's so. That's so awesome. Okay, But, Kathy, now we have to. You and I are going to play a little game, and it goes like this. We have to look around and we have to pick up one prop.

Since you didn't prepare any props, it has to be with an arm's reach. I will go first as you look for your prop. So I'm a fan of, of like the little things that you can buy on Amazon that are like at home spa. So I got one of those things, like, it just showed up in the mail yesterday. And it doesn't work when you do it yourself. So if anybody wants to come over and operate the little spider thing on my head, please come over. Kathy, what's your nearby prop? Okay, here's. Here's what's within reach besides my boats in the background.

Yeah. Okay, so here we go. These are rubber bands. If you're from Pittsburgh, which is south of me, they Call them gumbands. The only analogy I can think of, and the perfect one, is how flexible we are on the Cadre. Oh, my gosh. And you. And you literally go ahead and bring an analogy with it. Okay, Kathy J. You are on point, my friend. But like you say, you didn't. You didn't clutter yourself with expectation so you can be malleable and present. So, hey, if you're at home right now, what is a prop that is within reach?

And bonus question to Kathy's invitation, can you turn it into an analogy for what Cadre is doing in this world while you're looking for those props and typing those in a chat? Kathy, who are you? What do you do? And when people ask you those questions, how do they make you feel? I am a creative collaborator in the world, and happily, I've landed in the cadme to be a part of the creativity. I'm an image bearer of God, who I believe knew my name before I was born and knew my purpose. And I love being able to express myself inside of that purpose to other people.

My gift, if you will, is encouraging through words. I like to say that I bend words into poetry. Haiku is my favorite. Go to. I am such a nerd about haiku that when I hear a sentence, I count the syllables. Yep. And I'm like, oh, that's seven. That's my middle line for my next haiku. And then I. Sometimes we'll go ahead and write the rest of it, or I'll just listen for more sentences and then piece them together. I don't think people understand my brain. And that's okay. Yeah. So. So first of all, I agree, you are a word.

You are someone who allows words to fall into place in ways that others will benefit from how you see them. But, But, Kathy, to the point where you go, you know, I don't think other people understand my brain, and that's okay. I think there's an assumption in this world that our brains should be compatible to the macro world. It's that. That we have to fit into. And again, fitting, fitting. Figuring out how we fit is part of how community happens. But feeling like we have to fit in a certain way is where we often stop.

So. So I'm curious, when you get asked questions like that, it's like, who are you? What do you do? What, what, what, what feeling does that professionally? All of those things. Because we know that even though, like you say, you try to not fit into other people's constructs, and that's okay. What's your first response when you have to answer who you are and what do you do? My very, very first initial response is, wow, you see me, you notice me. You gave me the gift of dwelling in the same space together for a moment.

That is life giving. Whenever somebody asks who you are, they're inviting you to share with them authentically who you are. And that's a gift. So that's my very first reaction. So after that initial recognition, person to person, let's share a moment. It's just my joy to be able to say I like to encourage people, and that works in the workplace, in the professional realm, across the fence with your neighbor, being present in the marketplace. Being a consumer, we have so many opportunities to encourage, and I do embrace that as my gift.

I encourage not just through words, but through maintaining eye contact, through asking a question and being sincere. Yeah, how are you really? So it makes me feel good, and it makes me feel like there's potential in every day. Yeah, absolutely. And Kathy, like, like, like you raised, you raised something that I think maybe biographically or geographically, you know, we've kind of created a safety barrier around ourselves. You know, like if, if you and I would, would meet up later today and let's say Paris for lunch.

So book your, book your, hey, we're going on a Cadre trip today. Everybody. Book your trip to Paris. Me and Kathy Joy will see you there. If we would go to Paris and we would ask someone, hey, how are you? Quite often the response in, in Europe to that question is, do you really want to know? Because it's seen as an American colloquial, you know, colloquial phase of, of you're not really asking how I am. What you're really doing is you're saying, hi. And again, it's the beautiful thing about language, right?

Words are vessels. It's not the word doesn't come with its own meaning. It's we place our meaning in it. So I always love saying when people go, do you really want to know? I go, actually, right now, yeah, I, I, I, I do want to know at other time. And then I would even call them on their bluff. I would go, I understand that. Sometimes we use, hey, how are you? Oh, I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine. Okay, we'll see you later. We use that as a greeting. We do, but, but, but to the point. And again, there's, there ain't nothing wrong with that.

But again, to, to clarify in that moment, wow, someone's asking me to be seen in a Deeper way. Tell me how you are. Tell me who you are. That's so powerful. It's very disarming. And sometimes people are speechless for a few minutes, a few milliseconds, and if you ask them a specific question, it'll launch them out. Yeah, well. And even to the point, it provides people just like we did today. You know, we've taken a good five minutes answering the question, but also talking about how the question makes us feel.

And both of those are very nourishing conversations. Speaking about nourishing conversations, in the chat, Marisa shared in response to what's. What's the prop nearby that you can turn into an analogy for Cadre Cafe? Marisa says, my coffee mug, like Cadre, it is always within reach and warms my soul. That's great and so cool. I love that. Here comes Jules. Jules says my toothpaste. Like Cadre, it is refreshing and cleanses my thoughts with new perspective. Oh, Jules and Marisa, look at y'all coming in with your analogy games this morning.

Now, I remembered I didn't brush my teeth this morning. And the cool thing is here at Cadre, you can come here with a hair sticking out the dog here on your sweatshirt, with your teeth not brush, you are still exactly where you're supposed to be. Absolutely. Yeah. We spend a lot of time on the surface when there's so much going on in here and it glows no matter how much makeup we put on or didn't. Exactly. And again, this time of year, when we often give a lot of gifts to one another, um, some people really find magic within the packaging, and other people find a lot of.

A lot of purpose within. Within what's inside the packaging. And again, both. Both have great potential, but again, it's. Why are you doing what you're doing? So why are we doing what we're doing here with Cadre today? Like, normally, you just see my weird mug every single day of year, but all of a sudden, we realized another way that people take in information is. Is through conversation. So I asked all the Cadre contributors, hey, would you want to join me on a Cadre today? And if so, what would you want to talk about?

Kathy Joy said, Harbor Pilots. And even. And even more so a little. A little bit of the. A little bit of the. Play by play. Kathy Joy had said something else and then emailed me. It's like, ah, we talk about Harbor Pilots instead. And I'm like, you bet we can. Why? First of all, the conversation is the vessel for really magical things, but also Number two, I'm excited for you to talk about Harbor Pilots because it's been the, the vehicle for your live streams for, for, for forever and it's powerful.

So why is Harbor Pilots what you want to talk about in today's conversation? Long time ago, many years ago, jc, I sat in a staff meeting and those are usually mind numbing, boring occasions where you have to take care of business. And my boss that day had a story that stuck with me. It actually changed the trajectory of my writing life. And he told us about harbor pilots and he told us about these people that drive a small boat out to a larger boat in the harbor and then they climb up a ladder, which is very dangerous, takes a lot of training to do it with, without falling into the water, and they actually take over the helm.

The pilot steps back and the harbor pilot guides them safely to the dock. And my boss Jack said to us, we are all harbor pilots for one another. Some of us have been down the road a bit or you know, to further the, the analogy, we, we've been in stormy waters. We know how that works and so we are capable of guiding the other person safely to the dock. I loved it and it sort of simmered in my being and I do believe it just became part of my DNA over the years. And it wasn't until the last five or six years that I started having harbor pilots as a frame of reference for much of my writing and speaking.

I would like to invite the Cadre sphere to think about a harbor, see the picture behind me. The boats are in harbor and there's a reflection whenever you happen upon a harbor. A lot of times the boats have names. People love to name their boats. And so I think of boats as having names like Healing Presence or Change Agent or maybe Sentry, that boat that just sits there watching out for danger. And so these boats are already a presence in your life that gives you a feeling of stability and safety.

But they haven't been activated. Nobody's in them. No, nobody's gun the motors and gone out or the sale, whatever. But when you need them, they will be at your side. When you need that harbor pilot to help you, to help you navigate waters that you don't understand, they'll be available to you. And that is such a beautiful picture of the Cadre because on any given day I can tune in live or I can do the replay and I can receive encouragement for grief. Work on Fridays for all of the things. Yeah, because we have, all of us experiences that are emerging.

Some are good Some are not so good. And to have someone who is ready to be dispatched from their little place in the harbor and come out to meet you is a gift. And that's what the Cadre speakers do. They. They sail out to meet me. And so that analogy of harbor pilots works both for me as a contributor and also as a receiver. Yeah, I. I was waiting for you to. To bring that up, because if, you know, if you're listening right now, you may go, wow, I love that, because now I know that I have people who are there for me.

But we know there are a lot of people who know that there are a lot of people there for them. What they are struggling for and hungry for is, yeah, but does anybody need me? Like, at the same time, we are the harbor pilot, but we are also the one on the boat out in the water who needs the harbor pilot. It's just at the time, it's like, do we have the courage and the curiosity? But to what you just laid out so wonderfully, and my analytical brain is going off now, like, you just created a job description for people to understand how to be present for one another.

A lot of people, like, I always talk about with enoughness. A lot of people don't think that they are contributing, you know, so, yeah, we call our. We very consciously, we call our Cadre people contributors rather than experts or creators. Because all of a sudden, we've created this world where there are people who have, like Kathy Joy. It's like, oh, Kathy Joy, I don't know where I would be without you. Which has a wonderful sentiment and is all said with love, but also it creates this dependency on, well, someone else has the thing that makes me enough or makes me complete, which, yes, we need each other, but also we need each other, meaning you need me and I need you.

Most often, people aren't comfortable with both sides of that. Right. C. the magic that happens often in the Cadre is the comments. Yeah. So while the speaker is speaking and we're fully present for that message, we, the ones listening into the conversation, are encouraging one another. Yep. Just with a few words. Well, I'll say right now. So, Jules. Jules shared that. That their stepdad's boat was named Freedom one. I love that. I do, too. Because all of a sudden, there's another boat. There's another boat in the harbor now.

Thanks, Jules. Thanks, Jules. So. So, Kathy, this. This wonderful pool of places where harbor pilots can bring you. Can you share maybe one of your favorite harbor pilot stories that you've told either in the Cadre sphere, or outside of the Cadre sphere, where is this wonderful kind of canvas or tapestry brought you to take. Take one of those threads out and share it if you. Okay. Yes. The one that really comes to mind is a story I've told about coming home to a party of none. And it's not to make anyone feel sorry for me, but to help the listener know, if you're alone, you're not alone.

Yeah. I live in a tiny, wonderful, cozy, nourishing apartment. I call it my tiny house. And I have a dog who's now sleeping on the sofa. And I come home to a party of no one. I am widowed and have been for 17 years, which is hard to believe. And I used to think I was less than if I wasn't going forward in life without a partner. And it has taken me some years to become at peace with my life, and I realize that I'm 100% complete as I am. And so I take that harbor pilot piece and we arrive at the dock to a party of no one.

That is an untruth. Yeah, it's a complete untruth, because once you step out of the boat, you have other people who want to interact with your life, people who perhaps you would not have access to if you came home to somebody. Yeah. And that can be a gift and a blessing. It can be an irritation. It can be an obstacle. It can be many things. And that's all right. Yeah. And I'm at peace with it. I am at peace with it. And I think if I arrive in life where I meet somebody, they will have to be prepared for somebody who's already 100.

Well. And doesn't need someone to complete me. If. If that makes sense. Like, I. I think you just pointed a big paradigm shift in. In the world right now, and that is, you know, the idea that we need. Like you just said, we need someone to complete us. But also, number two, when we live in a different mindset where, no, I'm complete, you are complete. How do we walk alongside one another for the moments that we walk alongside one another? It doesn't. It doesn't change anything outside of the eyes that we're seeing that person with.

And, Kathy, this like. And this is the. The beautiful thing is any of us could have come up with a way of speaking about that. And I bet many contributors and many members within Cadre speak about all the things you just touched, but they speak about it in their own way. Yeah. In your completeness, to share your vision of the idea on on loneliness and relationship and partnership. It's another way of saying there are many ways to be. Well, there are many ways to see our life. And most of the time those ways are found through these wonderful harbor pilots that we experience like we're experiencing one right now in Kathy Joy.

So as we wrap things up today, I always ask our guest to share their take home prize. We've been chatting for 21 minutes and 31 seconds and if you go and like you said at the beginning and you didn't plan, you didn't prepare, you did have your, your, your rubber bands right nearby. But to the point, what's the thing that you'll take away? As we help others learn how they figure out their takeaways as well. What's your take home prize today, Kathy? Ah, my take home prize is being here with you during this conversation.

And it's also the recognition that whether it's the holiday season or, you know, the, oh my, my words are starting to go away. Come on, come on back. Whether it's the bleak of January, which January can be very robust, but sometimes it's pretty, pretty tough season for people. Yep. Particularly in Pennsylvania with the lack of sunshine we experience this time of year by the lake. My takeaway is that at any time you can open a door or start a conversation or take a sip and you will have entered connection.

So that's my takeaway is the ethereal sense of connection. It's not something we can nail down, but it's something we experience and it's a beautiful thing. Beautiful on Kathy, like you just demonstrated so well, there was a moment where, you know, like you say, it's like, oh, your, your words are leaving you and you took a pause and you playfully know, grab them. I, I, I, I, I think humans so often go, I need to know the answer. I need to have the thing. The way that I affirm the goodness of this moment is by going, here's the goodness.

And like you say, there's an etherealness, there's a, there's a softness, there's a playfulness, there's time. And that gift you gave along with this wonderful conversation is going to live with people well past us ending this conversation. I will be sharing your take home prize in the community feed. And if you're like, oh, I'm really kind of liking these conversations, our next one, everybody, is next Monday at the noon hour central standard time with the wonderful Matt Tappy, who is a psychological organizational development graduate student and just a thoughtful, thoughtful human being.

So we'll be connecting next Monday, last one of 2024 at noon Central Standard Time. But Kathy, when can people continue to be in your presence here in the Cadre sphere? Every Thursday? Yeah. On caregiver day at 11am Eastern standard. Awesome. Kathy, this has been wonderful. I can't wait to be in conversation again. We'll get our next one schedul, if you're up for it. And awesome. Well, have a great week, everybody. Kathy Joy, have a great week. Jules, Colleen, Marisa, Bis, Luke, everybody listening in live.

Thank you for being in this conversation with us. Fill those coffee cups, brush those teeth, and we'll see you next time. Say alon.