Rules of Engagement

Good morning, Cadre. That is how analog I am. Is that. That is a. That is a dry erase post it and I have dry erase markers. I need new ones. These are getting a little old. I have dry erase post its on my walls everywhere. Which is a lead in to talking about how I'm a goal oriented, goal setting person. And good morning. Dream Big. I am very glad that you have joined. If you want to put a word in the chat about how you're feeling today, I'm going to put. If I were to type a word in the chat, I would type the word zesty because that's what I'm going to talk about today.

Because it was my word of the year for 2025. Hello from Erie, Pennsylvania from Speak Wonder. C. uSA. I'm using a ring light for the first time. This is the third one I've purchased. This one. The first one I ordered was way too big and then I ordered another one and I was like, where did it go? And so I ordered a third one and then found this one. And I'm using this one and I don't know what I'm going to do with the third one but I've never used one before. And they're not great if you have glasses.

So if I lean forward a little bit to see what you all are typing in the chat. That is why, because Good morning, Jules. Very glad that you are here. And let's see, I'm gonna put my glasses on so you can all see the reflection from the ring light. Scatterbrained. Jules is scatterbrained this morning. Dream Big is feeling strong. How am I feeling this morning? Zesty again. Word of the year for me for 2024. I'm glad everybody's here. It's very exciting to see you all and welcome to my ring light situation.

It's got a little holder for the phone in the middle. I guess this is nor I've just never used one before. And my analog life. If I I don't even know if I can turn this a little bit. You can see that I have a whole drywall, dry erase, dry erase situation right there. Not dry. I mean there is drywall, but this is on top of the paint that's on top of the drywall. It's a post it. So ostensibly when we move out I can just take things off. Speak Wonder also feeling present and feeling mindful, which is delighted.

I am glad that they're. That you're feeling that way. So last week I took the better part of three days, not actually in a row because I had a whole day of work in there. But I took a better part of three days to do my end of year retreat with myself, which I usually do in that quiet period in those days right before Thanksgiving. But this year we traveled for Thanksgiving. So I figured out how to do it at the beginning of December. Was that last week? Week before. And it was last week that I did it.

And what I do is I spend a day reviewing the year. Any goals that I had. I always pick a word of the year. So I spent time reviewing my list. I may have talked about all this already. If I did, let me know. But I also from the year of that success was my word of the year. I learned to write a list of all my successes for the year. So I listed my successes for 2024. Hanging out on Cadre is one of them. And what did I learn from my word of the year, which I'm going to talk a little bit about actually, because my word of the year was zesty and I learned a great deal.

And then I spend a day thinking about 2025. My word of the year for 2025. What that might that look like? Or what might that mean at the start? Yes, writing with coffee. I like that. Or some hot beverage. What might my word of the year for 2025 mean? I'm going to be mysterious about that because maybe I'll talk about my 2025 word another time. I always oh, I review goals and I always have a fun list. The year that my word of the year was fun, I realized I want to. So I went over my fun list. Did I finish it?

I make it so easy to finish. Because if there's something that was on the fun list that I didn't get around to doing, I have something else that I did do that I can replace it with because it is not fun to have a fun list that feels like a chore. So it's all got to be fun. And. And I preview the 2025. What are my goals of the year? And it's more of a here. Some of them are aspirations and I have to figure out how am I going to measure that, how am I going to put. And they change throughout the year, I review them monthly, etc.

I'm a very goal oriented person. Your mileage may vary, but my word of the year this year was zest. It grew out of the word I chose for last year, which was warm. And what I find with my word of the year is whatever I think it's going to do at the beginning of the year, it is very different by the end of the year and that's a feature that's not a bug, that's not a problem that's expected. I wonder what I'll learn this year about my word of the year. And I chose Zesty because I have been working on sort of daily life ways to grapple with my anxiety for almost two years.

Well since I was eight but. Or since I got sober but this I started working the steps for people in recovery. I am in 12 step recovery. I started working the steps on anxiety the end of February 2023. So almost two years and this past weekend I graduated. I finished my thoughts about step 12 etc etc with my sponsor and I don't talk very much about 12 step per se, but I figure this is a closed community and it's kind of obvious because I talk about recovery all the time. But I graduated this weekend and because I figured if I have one of the most powerful transformative tools that has ever been given the world that I know of, I might as well put it to the biggest problem that I'm facing.

And indeed it has worked wonders. Speaking of speak wonders. So there you have it. And I've been working on anxiety and through that, you know, I set this goal which was to feel pretty good most of the time. And that's not a great goal for everybody if your pattern is to fake that you are doing well or whatever all the time. Not maybe not a great goal for you. For me just it's okay to feel good is something I struggle with and thank you for the hearts is something that I struggle with. And so that was a good goal for me.

And then I got this was a couple years ago, you know, through doing this work I realized what is feeling good pretty good most of the time. Well how would I know that that's what was going on? And one the mean voices are less loud, less frequent and less lengthy. One of the things I've learned in healing is that my stuff doesn't go away. It just isn't as strong, it doesn't come around as often and when it does come around it doesn't last as long. So A the mean voices, the anxiety voices are less loud, less frequent and less lengthy and B that most of my time is spent in upward trend activities of my choosing.

That is my definition of feeling pretty good most of the time. It means I have capacity and I'm doing stuff I choose to do meaning I'm not in freeze mode. I'm not like endlessly scrolling or I'm not dissociated most of the time, etc, etc. This is, I think this is a fine goal for me. Your again, your mileage may vary, but one of the things I realized. Yes, I love the word zest. It's a little old fashioned. It's a little old fashioned to talk about zest and zestiness, but I really like it and it's been very helpful to me.

So my definition of zest that I've come up with, well, to me I chose zest in part because I think zest is the opposite of anxiety. I thought it that I think something else at the end of the year, but at the beginning of the year I thought, well, zest is the opposite of anxiety, right? And to me zest is being present and pleased. It means I'm not dissociated. And I generally feel pleased about my part of my life. Clearly I'm not pleased about external circumstances that are horrible for me, you know, for other people or whatever, but really understanding that I choose how I respond to the circumstances of my life and that zest is like, ooh, you know, I can feel pleased.

And one of the key lessons I learned by the end of 2024, where we are now versus when I started, one of the things I did is I started keeping score. Someday I can show you my habit trackers, but I keep a zest score every day, 0 to 10. I keep an anxiety score every day 0 to 10 and a freeze score every day 0 to 10. I was trying to do my anxiety and my freeze score as 1. I was only tracking two things. Not helpful because I wanted the information. And one of the things I learned from tracking those three things separately is that zest and freeze cannot go in the same bucket for me.

Like I can't really be very zesty and be frozen at the same time, but I can for sure be zesty and anxious at the same time, like those two things. Zest is not the opposite of anxiety because sometimes if I'm feeling zesty, I feel capable and I'm moving forward on activities that I've chosen that I think are important Sometimes, especially if I'm having, well, no fun, gives me a lot of anxiety, frankly. But sometimes I feel very zesty. I'm present, I'm pleased, and I'm not particularly anxious. Yesterday was one of those days, very zesty day.

I had a good day, but I wasn't particularly anxious. There are other days particularly If I'm taking on a big goal or I'm doing something really fun or doing something I very much anticipated, my anxiety level is also high. So zest is not the opposite of anxiety for me, as it turns out, but it is an indicator that I'm present and pleased in my life. And sometimes to be present and pleased in my life, it means I do things that scare me. Which on this end of it is like, well, of course, right? If I'm, you know, sending out emails to people in my network saying, hey, I'm available to do this work on anti racism or talking about leadership or whatever it is, or local government, that's got that energy too, that's putting myself out there.

But it's something I've chosen. I'm present while I'm doing it, and I'm very pleased. So that was one of the key lessons from the year about zest. Another key lesson from the year about zest, I wrote this down is. Well, another definition of zest is that I take action so I'm not frozen without urgency. I'm not a big fan of urgency. I don't respond well to it from other people or myself, which was a problem when I was, you know, mayor of a large city. Sometimes, I mean, it was just an endless stream of other people's urgency.

But because I knew that about myself, we had strategies in place to mitigate it. That's a whole other story for a whole other day. But for me, zest means I'm taking action and I'm not urgent about it. I'm like, oh, my God. Because the urgency is a symbol for me of the anxiety. Like, oh my God, the terrible things are going to happen if I don't do this. Terrible things are going to happen if I do do this. Oh my God, I have to get this done or everything's going to fall apart, etc. Etc. Etc. Like that ability to let things go and be a little more easy in my world and in my.

My skin has been very, very important to me in my life. But there was one other thing. The other thing. I can also be zesty and tired. Zest doesn't mean I have a lot of energy, which is good because I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. So I can be present and pleased without. People think of zest and they think, oh, I'm going out in the world and I'm running a thousand miles and I'm gunning it. And this. No, for me, zest is being present and pleased. Y. You know, I'VE had some pretty quiet days lately where I was present and pleased but didn't have to do a lot.

And those are good days. And actually on my 25 and 25 fun list I have One of the things on my fun list is to have a full day off. One of them is to lying in bed, which is one of the joys of life is just lying in bed. But another is to have a full day off just doing upward trend activities of my choosing, meaning being present and pleased and just doing whatever I choose. But it's a day off, so it's either fun things or relaxing things. Sitting on the couch, reading a book. As long as I've chosen to do that, totally counts.

Sitting on a couch watching, which I did this weekend, carry on, which I could not recommend more highly. So good. Totally counts. Sitting on the couch endlessly watching previews, trying to find something to watch does not count. Sitting on the couch going from channel to channel serving does not count. But if I've chosen it, great. Great. Zest is also a kick of spice. Yes, I think that's true. I think that's true. For me, just being present means there's a kick of spice. And sometimes anxiety feels like a kick of spice.

But it's not. Zest is that kick of spice. That is about life going well, not the kick of spice about life kicking me in the head, if you know what I mean. So zest for me is just really been a great word of the year. It doesn't. Here's the the last thing that I wanted to say, the last lesson I wanted to share. And there's more lessons here, actually, if we wanted to spend more time on it. This was a key lesson I learned about zest. It doesn't necessarily it follows upward trend activities of my choosing.

It follows the good job I do at work. It follows going to the museum with my friend. It follows whatever activity I choose. Choose. Even if I didn't feel like doing it to begin with, right? Even if I didn't. Because zest does not necessarily precede taking action. It follows, but it does not precede taking action. Which is good to know because when I am struggling, it is hard for me to take action. And so then the another lesson of Zest was that I get to take action and it doesn't require me to feel any certain way, but I get to take zesty action.

There's so much more I had to say about zest today, so maybe I'll do another one soon about zest, you know, because I have Zest activities posted on my wall, all this great stuff and I could go through what, what zesty activities are for me. Maybe in another one. So. Oh, my TV recommendation, the movie, it's called Carry On, Like Carry On Luggage, starring Taryn Edgerton and Jason Bateman, and it is on Netflix. And I love action films. I think we've talked about the fact that Die Hard is truly my favorite movie of all time.

And my cats are named Nakatomi and Argyll. For folks who are familiar, I have the Hans Gruber falling off Nakatomi Plaza Advent calendar. I have multiples because people give them to me. And I would say Carry on is in the neighborhood of Die Hard. Nothing is Die Hard, but like Die Hard, it's very tightly written and tightly scripted. Very exciting. You learn what you need to learn about the characters up front without too much up front. Now, Taken didn't have quite enough. I like the movie Taken, but it didn't have quite enough to like, really know the characters characters and understand their motivation.

With this film, you had it, like, right away. It was a, you know, good job, screenwriters. And it's very exciting. It's just very exciting. And Jason Bateman is extraordinarily good in it. The performances were good from stem to stern. But I have to give a special shout out to Jason Bateman, who, you know, is such an affable guy if you listen to his podcast. And he is not an affable guy. He does brilliant work in this. Anyway, I've gone over time. Dream big 30. You saw it Good. You've been watching Tracker on Prime Speak Wonder.

Okay, I will check that out. I will check that out. Thank you for spending extra time with me today. I. I have fun with all of you here on Cadre and I look forward to more. If you see Carry on, you know, see me in the app. Let me know if you like and we'll talk soon. Cadre. Have a zesty week.